Just In
for The Tree Star-Floating Game

9/14/2019 c1 20The Rhombus
The one pitfall to being late to read and review a story is that it is possible that everyone else will have already made all of the points that you wanted to make by the time that you get to it. :p That being said, I did find this story to be rather engaging, especially in the context of the current weather - which is incredibly hot and miserable in my area of the US.

The story begins rather strong and it utilized the classic staples of a LBT tale: have something mysterious happen to the valley and then the kids react to it. This part of the story featured the well-written dialogue for which you are known for, and as such it was the strongest section of the story. Unfortunately, the pacing at that point becomes quite inconsistent which detracts from the overall flow of the narrative. Typically the use of a game, and the gang interactions during such a game, would make up the bulk of a slice of life story but only make up a minority of a more drama-filled story. I got the impression here that a middle path was taken, which probably was not the best choice.

Unlike some of the other reviews, I think the climax and the ending was fine. Yes it did tread on familiar ground but sometimes the well-trodden path is the safest one. The main issue is that some kind of explanation would be necessary to explain how Littlefoot found Petrie's mother so quickly. The gang have had many fortuitous events happen in their short lives so the presentation of one here (like, for example, that Mother Flyer was already on the way to the kids for some reason when Littlefoot found her) would assist in the suspension of disbelief.

All that being said, I think that this story was a rather good offering for the prompt challenge which effectively used the prompt that you were given. I hope that you can get your laptop fixed up soon, and I look forward to seeing your participate in next year's prompt challenges. :)
9/10/2019 c1 13The Mr E
He wanted to treat ... most of them ... to a nice surprise breakfast? Why do I get the feeling he was thinking of Cera?

Ha ha! "Probably up to their own shenanigans that only two-footers can do".

I never realised Ducky was that creative. Watch out, Littlefoot. You've got competition.

It's true: they do wander into dangerous situations waaay too much. On the other hand, things might be much less interesting if they stopped.

"The spiketail looked cluelessly at his companions for a moment until he eventually turned his attention not towards Littlefoot and Cera but rather towards some grass". - *Face in palm* ohhh, Spike. Why didn't I see that coming?

I pray that those hard shutdowns don't damage your hard drive. Sorry to hear about the possible hiatus.

Pretty good work. It felt very Land Before Timesey from the beginning onward.
9/7/2019 c1 SecretELPAgent
When you come back, that is.
9/7/2019 c1 SecretELPAgent
I don’t suppose you could make a Littlefoot and Cera story involving Littlefoot standing up to Mr Threehorn?
9/8/2019 c1 26Keijo6
My thoughts are mixed about this fic. It is still written as well as all of your stories and the great dialogue and heart of your previous fics are still there. They were very evident straight from the beginning but I cannot help but echo your own doubts about this fic. Anagnos already raised many good points but there are also other things I’d like to bring up.

The start was a pretty solid one as it was a very traditional LBT scene with Littlefoot waking up to find something strange happening in the Valley. The scene that followed also worked very well and gave a rather promising feel to this story. You write better dialogue than practically anyone else on GoF which isn’t something I say slightly. And it’s always a pleasure to see that stuff from you.

However, it was at this point the problems started to pile up, sadly. While I was okay with the premise of this new game, the pacing here wasn’t the best. Half of the story was dedicated to the Gang wondering what to do, leaving this new game to a rather modest role. Likewise, I would have expected to see more of the playing itself, especially from Ducky and Petrie’s points of view. That scene was left a bit… hollow, so to say.

As for the ending, Anagnos was right about Littlefoot not being able to reach Petrie’s mother in time and it’s clear that doing a story with a similar premise to the Great Log-Running Game that ends in a practically identical manner to that episode was far from the strongest path to take. All of that made this story feel uninspired and the pacing did little to alleviate that impression.

Now, I hope I wasn’t too harsh with this review. It’s clear you still know how to write excellent text and I hope you’ll find the inspiration you used in your previous stories during your hiatus. I’m sure that break will help you a lot and I will be more than eager to see one of the best LBT authors make a comeback next year.
9/7/2019 c1 40OwlsCantRead
As someone who lives in a place where the sun beats down on me… yeah, watersports. Haha, that is imaginative! I must say that prehistoric surfing is fun and not something I would have imagined, but much of the duo's perilous situation could have been averted if they'd done parasailing instead, with Ducky surfing on the treestar and carrying Petrie behind her with vines — Petrie could have hoisted her to safety once disaster struck… just a random thought.

One part of the banter I loved was Cera lamenting that Ducky and Petrie could do things she, Littlefoot, and Spike couldn't. The intensity of the drought was conveyed well by the gang's complaints as well, and well juxtaposed by how much enjoyment Ducky and Petrie get out of their impromptu invention of water to relive the heat.

I would admit that the climax of the tale was almost just like Tricia's situation in The Great Day of the Flyers, but in my experience a river always leads to rapids and a waterfall in fiction. :P Also, from the way that Petrie is handling the wave surfing, I actually think he would actually be able to save himself by placing pressure on the treestars by his feet to get airborne (being a flyer), but knowing you, I'm not surprised that he stayed together with Ducky to their apparent demise. :P

Anyway, hope you get your laptop all fixed up soon! It was quite a subversive idea, even if it did feature a 'going over the falls' cliché (which is a guilty pleasure of mine anyway). I'll be looking forward to whatever you cook up next year!
9/7/2019 c1 8Anagnos
This was a quite nice short story that exploited the prompt field in question rather well all the way to the end. The idea behind it was an interesting one and I feel like it worked relatively well. However, I wasn’t completely satisfied with some parts of the story and in terms of offering constructive criticism I can point out a few things for starters. My thoughts about the latter parts are more or less mixed, but I will elaborate more about that later.

The way this story was built from the start to the ending and the premise behind it was definitely something that took me by surprise. Taking a closer look into the Gang’s lives on a notably different day in its entirety was a decent driving force to make this fic work. It is quite plausible explanation in terms of content that this kind of a playful day would be a rather desirable goal for all of them as they tend to disconcert their families with their hazardous and rash decisions to venture out into the unknown in search of a mystery to unveil. Yet, that part made the presentation of the story to emerge as rather unimpactful.

I mentioned before that I found a few issues in this story that bothered me a lot, and I can’t help but mention about the whole idea behind Ducky and Petrie’s game with tree stars on the water as that doesn’t seem very plausible to happen in a world of dinosaurs. Furthermore, I don’t think they would hold their weight very much in the end, which only makes the idea seem more inconceivable in the long term. I also took notice of Littlefoot’s words to Petrie about being only children, as that made it sound like Littlefoot suddenly turned into an adult and was lecturing an unruly youngling about behaving properly. In addition the sudden appearance of Petrie’s mother moments before the duo’s demise was ill-conceived since it would be unfathomable to cogitate that Littlefoot would’ve actually found her in time.

There were also a few more minor details that I don’t think quite fit the story in the end, like some parts of the dialogue sounded a bit messy, for example, ’’Gasped Ducky as Spike gasped in amazement along with her’’. I feel that something more of a different approach would’ve sufficed much better, like, ''Ducky's eyes widened as Spike gasped in amazement''. I also have to point about Ruby and Chomper’s apparent absence throughout the fic, as it was suggested this story took place way after the log running race.

But despite that, this was still a rather well done story as I quite liked how a more infrequent day works for the Gang in particular and the writing was not half bad either. You have utilized your prompt smoothly and shown a side seldom displayed in the series or fanfiction before. You did a rather solid job with this one, Diddy and I look forward to what you’ll bring us in the future when you eventually decide to return to writing fanfiction!
9/6/2019 c1 Guest
That was a cool story. It's a shame you didn't put Chomper and Ruby in it but it was still cool. I'll miss you and I hope we'll see you next year like you said when you return in 2020.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service