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for Wymridge 1421 Campaign

6/3 c4 1aaronmag
Hey! Good to see you posting again.

Okay. First off I am confused. Last time we saw Hiro he was waiting for his ancestral sword and the orc and he was I a cell with a dying bugbear. Now he has a throne? I missed something here.

"He was no longer useful," Hiro said, leaning back on his throne.

You know...Hiro is kind of a jerk! First the bugbear then the goblin.

City of Brass

Ooh! Exciting! I will be very interested to see this setting.

Okay...I can’t help but feel you are being a bit cryptic here. What you have is good and engaging. I am intrigued. But I feel it needs some expansion. We need some to experience some of these gladiatorial battles that are being referenced and see how the brackets work. See how Hiro went from cell to having a throne. Etc.
5/31 c4 6Daxxers
So what happened in between Chapter 3 and 4?! Leaving a lot for us to imagine. I am enjoying the kobold! Looking forward to more.
2/15 c3 1aaronmag
I'm back for more. Which means I caught up and you better get writing! :)

I quite enjoyed this chapter. I liked way each character had their own voice. I actually felt sorry for the dying bugbear.

You gave us a lot to be intrigued about one chapter.

We are introduced to Hiro, who is both a prisoner and wanting his ancestral sword.
We have Zahsi who is a erudite kobold, also a prisoner.

We have Grek the Ogre, who is holding them prisoner and they compete in some sort of arena.

Then we also has Virmaris, who has the ancestral sword. I was quite curious about how they fit in.

And finally there is Braak, an Orc, who Hiro is waiting for.

That is a lot of things to foreshadow in an exchange of dialogue. It definitely whetted the appetite, and I enjoyed it.
1/30 c2 aaronmag
Hey, thanks for your review. I'm going to write more...but currently buried with work. In the meantime your review gives me a perfect excuse to take a break from my mundane life and return the favor.

I think this does well in terms of advancing the story. I would like to know about Lady Dragonette and Zalath. A description of Zalath giving us an idea of age, etc. would be nice. I'm assuming Lady Dragonette is middle aged or older, based on the spectacles, but again I'm unsure.

I liked how you worked in Kara-tur into the reference of the tea. Nice way to place it in the setting.

Both these ladies you have introduced are pretty fierce. It will be interesting to read on and find out if they are on the same side or if you are setting up potential future conflict.
1/27 c1 aaronmag
Hey, thanks for the review. I'm here to return the favor.

Here are some thoughts as I read:

Catching the late afternoon sun, her green eyes sparkled as [s]he managed to tuck her hair back into place with her thick glove.

Kill the Iulutiuns and corral the dogs...

Yikes! I thought we were meeting the protagonist, but clearly that is not the case!

He was thankful they were as loyal as his father and[had] told him they were.

He hated killing, but he had no choice, it was either the creature or him...

I would recommend 'it had been either the creature or him'. This emphasizes that he made this decision in the past.

Interesting...she wants the ice and not the weapons. I am interested in learning more of Birgyth as well. She is obviously very dangerous.

One thing you might want to do is describe the weapons as weapons is pretty generic. You'd imagine the floating weapons would at least draw the eye enough to note what they were and a bit of description.

Overall a good start. I'm definitely curious about who Lady Veleno is wand what she wants with that ice.
10/27/2019 c3 6Daxxers
Liked this scene. Desperate, sad, beaten, beings. But their friendship gives them a nobility.
9/16/2019 c1 Daxxers
Talk about a wicked witch! looking forward to more.

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