for The 150th Annual Hunger Games: Hope10/12/2019 c2 
8odestaonly
Your formatting is a lot better :D. Interesting how they aren't allowed to train. I think it would be easier to gain sponsors with less people though.
8odestaonlyYour formatting is a lot better :D. Interesting how they aren't allowed to train. I think it would be easier to gain sponsors with less people though.
10/3/2019 c1 odestaonly
This needs a lot more detail. What does Emily look like? What does the district look like? What does the escort look like?Where does she live in the district? Is she poor, rich, middle class? Did she put her name in more times? Why didn't anyone visit her? Is there a reason she doesn't have friends; is she just bad socially or does she keep people away? Why didn't her family visit her, are her family members alive?
If this is the quarter quell what is the twist? I know you mention the twist in your summary but more info needs to be added. What happened to Katniss and the war? Did the war never happen? Did Katniss die in the 74th Games? Did they lose the war? Etc.
The more details and backstory there is the more attached people become to the story and want to follow it to see updates.
You also need to work on your formatting. You don't have dialogue mixed in with the rest of a paragraph.
Emily wade. Said district 9 escort Emerald Goodwin.
What- that's.. That's me… I nervously walk out on to the stage.
"How old are you dear?" Asked Emerald,
"15." I practically whispered.
"Everybody give a round of applause to Emily!" Said Emerald, but all I could see where blank stares.
I'm brought into the Justice building to say my goodbyes, but nobody comes, not like I thought anyone would, I don't have any friends or family anymore.
This needs a lot more detail. What does Emily look like? What does the district look like? What does the escort look like?Where does she live in the district? Is she poor, rich, middle class? Did she put her name in more times? Why didn't anyone visit her? Is there a reason she doesn't have friends; is she just bad socially or does she keep people away? Why didn't her family visit her, are her family members alive?
If this is the quarter quell what is the twist? I know you mention the twist in your summary but more info needs to be added. What happened to Katniss and the war? Did the war never happen? Did Katniss die in the 74th Games? Did they lose the war? Etc.
The more details and backstory there is the more attached people become to the story and want to follow it to see updates.
You also need to work on your formatting. You don't have dialogue mixed in with the rest of a paragraph.
Emily wade. Said district 9 escort Emerald Goodwin.
What- that's.. That's me… I nervously walk out on to the stage.
"How old are you dear?" Asked Emerald,
"15." I practically whispered.
"Everybody give a round of applause to Emily!" Said Emerald, but all I could see where blank stares.
I'm brought into the Justice building to say my goodbyes, but nobody comes, not like I thought anyone would, I don't have any friends or family anymore.