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for Cold Reprise

10/7/2019 c1 Ethan576
Ah fantastic, the new story is already up!

Clearly this is just the beginning, yet in this short introduction the attention to descriptiveness is apparent right off the bat. The narration detail is immersive and really helps one understand the character actions and surroundings. An approach of note is the as of yet unknown characters that are associated with this hireclaw; even his name is as of yet unknown. It makes it feel as though the reader is just jumping in on his stream of consciousness in the moment the story takes place. This produces an immediate interest in what said owls’ significance might be, and to read further.

Onto the plot itself, it appears to focus on a Northern Kingdoms -born hireclaw who is troubled by something, possibly more complex than his combat history. He copes with this by drinking which only made him more unstable, thus culminating in a forced leave. Leading up to the present, where he decides to focus on drawing. This seems like a novel skill or ability for a character that may well be a highly skilled combatant. Much more depth than just going straight for a “shoot (slash?) em’ up” type of character that seems to have nothing else to value in their life.

One small element of curiosity to me is the mentioning of a hireclaw group or faction the protagonist is a part of. In the story, there are superiors that sent him on this leave. I potentially forget yet another detail from the books, but I don’t recall hireclaws operating in a permanently organized fashion, only alone or in ad-hoc “bands”. Whatever the case, I like the concept of having more powerful “private factions” than in the books. A coordinated team (or even an entire army for hire) is better than an individual, and if that is another idea this story aims to explore, all the better!

In keeping with the goal of providing useful, impartial reviews, I have searched for anything that could be considered a negative, but thankfully found nothing to complain about at this point. Not that this would be surprising given this is just the prologue, not to mention the collaboration, and the effort you are putting in to make this the best. I’m confident the story will maintain this standard throughout.

It is difficult to tell where things may go from here, whether this hireclaw will get a moment of peace to make some drawings, or end up forced to do something unpleasant once again. Whatever the case, the incentive to stick around and find out in the next chapter is strong.
10/7/2019 c1 32Noctus Fury
YAY! I'm the first reviewer! This is probably one of the first times I've reviewed first in a story. It's beautiful. I could cry, if I could cry. :')

This looks like another great story (though whether you'll continue it is a whole other thing). I think it's great that Bluetech's helping you out. I wonder if he'd be willing to help me work on some of my GoGH works whenever I get the chance to start writing them? I'd just noticed that he's a beta so I'll probably hit him up about that at a later date.

There's two mistakes that I've seen so far in this story: 1) you've misspelled "foreign" as "forigen". 2) You call him 'it/its' in the narrative when it should be he/him/his.

This character is a very interesting concept, and I love how you're incorporating Sun Tzu into this story and its MC. I'm curious, is this supposed to be Soren's great-grandfather that Kludd mentions their father telling him about? It'd be neat if it was! Where exactly is this Barn Owl at? I know that it's in the Southern Kingdoms, but where? Tyto Forest? Silverveil? Am I right to assume that the setting of this story is during the War of the Ice Claws?

Don't worry about the length of this "prologue" (though, to be honest, this should be the first chapter; prologues, for the most part, are unnecessary in stories.) I think it's fine the way it is. It's long enough, and it doesn't feel rushed or drawn out, and it ended on a note that I think was a perfect cliff hanger for the next chapter. I really enjoyed the scenery and your narratives are, as always, well-written. You've done an excellent job showing us the angst and decline of the main character's senses due to the stress of the previous battles and the loss of his friends (whoever "him" is). He might be suffering the owl equivalent of PTSD from what it's sounding like. Or claw-shock (owl version of shell-shock). But I'm loving the descriptions of his feelings and emotions. I can feel them. I love the voice that you've given him as well. And I'm curious to see what he'll make on his parchments. I'm also curious to find out who the "him" and "she" the Barn Owl is referring to.

I also can't wait to know the Barn Owl's name. Personally, Atticus sounds like a good Barn Owl name, dontcha think?

Anyway, this is a really great story so far. Well done and keep up the great work! I look forward to your future updates.

Your fellow ryb and scholar... and friend,

Noctus Fury

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