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9/18/2020 c8 Autobot-Wolfsketch
I absolutely enjoy this story and I would absolutely to see more of this continued I look forward to more updates being written
10/22/2019 c5 Fang723
Heyo, just a review here from an English major, so you know I’m not just pulling stuff out of my butt.

I like the premise of your story, but you’re moving it along way too fast. There’s no emotion or connection to the characters, and you’ve summarized almost all of it. I’d advise you to slow down the pace and write more of the character interactions. You’ve done it a little more in the last two chapters, but it’s still mostly summary.
10/20/2019 c7 RandomParadox
I like it
10/20/2019 c7 2biginferno
interesting so Tenzin and Haku then and is Naruto to be paired with Tayuya or will he have multiple girls?
10/17/2019 c1 Darth Tenibris2
OC's are shit. They always have been and always will be. I will never understand why anyone would ever think anyone wants to read some trash like this. It's so fucking cliche at this point.
10/16/2019 c2 1Novrier
Err, it started out as a decent story.
I mean the idea with twins is quite plausible, I mean it could happen. So here, I see no problems.
The prologue was a bit rushed, though that is expected of a prologue to some degree. The only thing that really bothered me was the constant "Hrashined" stuff. Umm, no. You can say he used Hirashin, disappeared in a flash of yellow, teleported, whatever expect for making the name of a jutsu into a verb.
Whatever, it wasn't a major problem, so I got to the first actual chapter ... and it is huge. Umm, depends on tastes I suppose, but honestly I'd prefer something more manageable, but ... again, matter of taste, can't fault your for that.
Then we get to the civilian council ... ehhh? That overused cliche? Damn, that is a shame. I mean it is not an idea that is now workable. Konoha is a big city I can imagine some sort of legislative organ being there, or actual administration and so on. But ... why is your council yet another collection of morons? And how can they basically overrule the hokage?
I tried to keep reading, but ... the woman with a cleaver killed it for me. Sorry, but this turned from a promising story to a collection of illogical cliches.
A real shame, I'd say you can write. But it kind of seems that instead of thinking it through you decided to use illogical cliches and overused concepts that ... well, feel lazy.
10/14/2019 c1 bugwinters
i also gree with kuman
10/14/2019 c1 bugwinters
I'm definitely not reading this anymore
10/10/2019 c1 01028377226262111hafqgq
I agree with comment below. Civilian council doesn't have too much power like you said in story. Konoha is dictator rule only by hokage.
10/10/2019 c2 Kuman
I'm sorry but this may seem like a flame but its not. I am however going to do my utmost to roast you.

This seemed like a good story with very good writing and excellent structure as well as punctuation...until i reached the part of this chapter where you uttered the dreaded cIviLiaN CoUncIL

I tried... I tried to continue through this chapter because you honestly hooked me but you still fell for the old trap of the imaginary civilian council that magically has more power than the Hokage, the clan council, the Jounin council and even the Daimyo. Why? Why do people still write these cliches where everyone is selectively retarded? How the hell can a group of powerless civilians strip the Hokage, the absolute military ruler of Hi no Kuni who answers to NO ONE but the DAIMYO, from his power? and in less than an hour? well that's a record. If only we can do the same here in the real world.

You sir/madam had a chance to write something great. Maybe even epic. Unfortunately like all the trashy fics before you you have fallen in the same old routine of using the same moronic cliches to give some kind of fake hardships to the protagonists.

I wish the best in your future writing endeavors but i shall abstain from reading this further

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