for A Rabbit among Wolves11/30 c26 
1Sirn Aurgelmir
Ironwood got his wish of seeing what kind of man he was dealing with, it's not Jaune's fault for embarrassing the Atlas Military lol.
1Sirn AurgelmirIronwood got his wish of seeing what kind of man he was dealing with, it's not Jaune's fault for embarrassing the Atlas Military lol.
11/14 c69 47Logar3
Ending an awesome story with an ending like that?
Hell yea :D
Fantastic work as usual, mate! Can’t wait to read more of your stuff!
47Logar3Ending an awesome story with an ending like that?
Hell yea :D
Fantastic work as usual, mate! Can’t wait to read more of your stuff!
10/16 c69 Gojira Supreme
It occurs to me that this fic is sort of the other side of the coin in comparison to Beast of Beacon. They both deal with similar themes and ideas. While Beast of Beacon leans more into the serious side of things, this one I felt leaned more into the comedic, baring several parts here and there. It was a nice contrast to read after coming reading Beast of Beacon. And of course the main subject matter is different of course but that's a separate discussion.
Jaune's rise to prominence is handled well. There is a mix of bumbling around and accidently finding success, as well as actual planning even if said plan is merely Jaune asking for ideas from everyone else in his sect of the White Fang. A leader does not have to know how to do everything. Sometimes leading means you know when to ask someone else who is more knowledgeable of something for help. Jaune does this here multiple times over the course of the fic. This even applies to Ruby with her newly found entry into politics. Its a fact that I think isn't stated as much as it should.
When it comes to the White Fang's Vale sect, it was nice to see minor characters get fleshed out and some spotlight. This however essentially makes them OC's, as all of these characters have little to no dialogue or characterization within the actual show. Deery for example has a single line of dialogue in one episode of Volume 2 and disappears afterwards. Perry has no dialogue at all from what I remember and Bane's only moment of note is his fight with Weiss. I for one have never really hade issues with OC's in any fandom. There are even OC lead RWBY fics I have enjoyed reading or plan to read.
Anyway, the above applies to everyone of except for Illia, who is fleshed out to an extent in the show. I like the sense of comradery with Jaune that she developed. She sort of serves as his best friend along with being his second in command. The obsession with Blake, while played up for laughs, is a bit to prominent I feel. Not enough to be grading. But I feel that her actual canon backstory should have been implemented in some way.
When it comes to Sienna I feel that the romance could have been a little more prominent. It is similar to the issues I had with Adam and Yang's romance in Beast of Beacon. But other then that, her incorporation into their raids and decisions is handled well. Even she first comes to Vale it feels like a partnership between Jaune and her. This helped sell the romance as a gradual falling for one another thing in my opinion. A high point in my opinion was her learning that he is human. This not only plays into their romance but her stance with humans as well. She states herself to hate humans but as she works with Jaune, experiencing everything that happens within the city of Vale this changes to the point where she has no issues being in a romantic relationship with one, even after discovering that Jaune had essentially lied to her. Its kind of a testament to the bond that developed between them. Also, kudos for ending chapter sixty nine on what is essentially Sienna and Jaune consummating their relationship.
I also found Blake's scene with Yang about her real feelings to be a nice one. For many people her hatred of Jaune had begun to come off as grating. I personally remained indifferent or comedically entertained depending on its usage. But her true feelings are compelling. How she feels that she wasted her time and that it amounted to nothing other than Adam dying and her running away again. Her guilt here feels similar to how she felt about him dying in Headmaster Arc and it fits in my opinion.
The rest of Team RWBY and the Beacon/Atlas side of things is handled nicely as well. The constant PR fiascoes are hilarious. The fashion show in particular was a riot. Coco getting so into it was funny as well as her maybe maybe not unconscious flirting with Jaune. It touched on something that other reviewers mentioned. The trope of someone being curious about experimentation, just not from someone who thought they were straight as most media like to portray this trope. It was dropped soon after though and Coco kind of vanishes after awhile. Makes me wonder if she was in the running for love interest. Atlas, despite coming of as incompetent and gung-ho at times, is understandable in their stance, as they have suffered the brunt of the more violent parts of the White Fang and have no reason to take Jaune's word as gospel.
The complete incompetency of the Vale Council was particularly delicious to read. Their problems were truly of their own making and every decision that they made essentially backfired when it came to public opinion, which some would say is the lifeblood of a politician or even a corporation. If enough people get mad at you, you will see negative repercussions.
I also liked how quickly Mercury rolled on Cinder and Emerald. He really doesn't have a reason to be loyal to them even in canon. Tyrian even says that the only reason he works with them and by extension Salem is that Mercury doesn't know any other life other than violence. Not the kind of relationship you can build trust in. On that note, it was nice to see Adam control Jaune's body during the fight with Mercury and Emerald. Adam fighting while controlling Jaune's body was something that I expected to happen at some point.
It was unfortunate though to see that Adam kind of fizzles out towards the end. His willingness to help Jaune is appreciated and shows how he's grown from seeing things through Jaune's eyes. But I find that there is a lack of closure here. I kept expecting a scene between Jaune, Adam, and Blake where there'd be some revelation that Adam's spirit is still alive in Jaune. Maybe have Adam take over and recite poetry to Blake to prove it. It could have also given Blake some form of closure, as Adam did indeed change by the end, similar to Beast of Beacon but maybe not as far of a change. Maybe you wanted to avoid the drama that would create or found the idea to distracting from the main plot. Regardless I found it a little disappointing not to see it.
Something I was genuinely disappointed in though was the complete lack of Jaune's family. There were so many moments where they should have popped up. I especially wanted to see them in the ending in some form or fashion. See their reactions to everything he's accomplished as well as his newfound relationship with Sienna. This is in my opinion the biggest blemish on this fic.
All in all I found this fic enjoyable from start to finish. It's the first Jaune leads the White Fang fic I've really sat down and read. I'll come back to it in the future. Maybe you'd also consider a sequel in the future. I'd love to read it if you did.
I am off to read Null. Best wishes and happy writing.
It occurs to me that this fic is sort of the other side of the coin in comparison to Beast of Beacon. They both deal with similar themes and ideas. While Beast of Beacon leans more into the serious side of things, this one I felt leaned more into the comedic, baring several parts here and there. It was a nice contrast to read after coming reading Beast of Beacon. And of course the main subject matter is different of course but that's a separate discussion.
Jaune's rise to prominence is handled well. There is a mix of bumbling around and accidently finding success, as well as actual planning even if said plan is merely Jaune asking for ideas from everyone else in his sect of the White Fang. A leader does not have to know how to do everything. Sometimes leading means you know when to ask someone else who is more knowledgeable of something for help. Jaune does this here multiple times over the course of the fic. This even applies to Ruby with her newly found entry into politics. Its a fact that I think isn't stated as much as it should.
When it comes to the White Fang's Vale sect, it was nice to see minor characters get fleshed out and some spotlight. This however essentially makes them OC's, as all of these characters have little to no dialogue or characterization within the actual show. Deery for example has a single line of dialogue in one episode of Volume 2 and disappears afterwards. Perry has no dialogue at all from what I remember and Bane's only moment of note is his fight with Weiss. I for one have never really hade issues with OC's in any fandom. There are even OC lead RWBY fics I have enjoyed reading or plan to read.
Anyway, the above applies to everyone of except for Illia, who is fleshed out to an extent in the show. I like the sense of comradery with Jaune that she developed. She sort of serves as his best friend along with being his second in command. The obsession with Blake, while played up for laughs, is a bit to prominent I feel. Not enough to be grading. But I feel that her actual canon backstory should have been implemented in some way.
When it comes to Sienna I feel that the romance could have been a little more prominent. It is similar to the issues I had with Adam and Yang's romance in Beast of Beacon. But other then that, her incorporation into their raids and decisions is handled well. Even she first comes to Vale it feels like a partnership between Jaune and her. This helped sell the romance as a gradual falling for one another thing in my opinion. A high point in my opinion was her learning that he is human. This not only plays into their romance but her stance with humans as well. She states herself to hate humans but as she works with Jaune, experiencing everything that happens within the city of Vale this changes to the point where she has no issues being in a romantic relationship with one, even after discovering that Jaune had essentially lied to her. Its kind of a testament to the bond that developed between them. Also, kudos for ending chapter sixty nine on what is essentially Sienna and Jaune consummating their relationship.
I also found Blake's scene with Yang about her real feelings to be a nice one. For many people her hatred of Jaune had begun to come off as grating. I personally remained indifferent or comedically entertained depending on its usage. But her true feelings are compelling. How she feels that she wasted her time and that it amounted to nothing other than Adam dying and her running away again. Her guilt here feels similar to how she felt about him dying in Headmaster Arc and it fits in my opinion.
The rest of Team RWBY and the Beacon/Atlas side of things is handled nicely as well. The constant PR fiascoes are hilarious. The fashion show in particular was a riot. Coco getting so into it was funny as well as her maybe maybe not unconscious flirting with Jaune. It touched on something that other reviewers mentioned. The trope of someone being curious about experimentation, just not from someone who thought they were straight as most media like to portray this trope. It was dropped soon after though and Coco kind of vanishes after awhile. Makes me wonder if she was in the running for love interest. Atlas, despite coming of as incompetent and gung-ho at times, is understandable in their stance, as they have suffered the brunt of the more violent parts of the White Fang and have no reason to take Jaune's word as gospel.
The complete incompetency of the Vale Council was particularly delicious to read. Their problems were truly of their own making and every decision that they made essentially backfired when it came to public opinion, which some would say is the lifeblood of a politician or even a corporation. If enough people get mad at you, you will see negative repercussions.
I also liked how quickly Mercury rolled on Cinder and Emerald. He really doesn't have a reason to be loyal to them even in canon. Tyrian even says that the only reason he works with them and by extension Salem is that Mercury doesn't know any other life other than violence. Not the kind of relationship you can build trust in. On that note, it was nice to see Adam control Jaune's body during the fight with Mercury and Emerald. Adam fighting while controlling Jaune's body was something that I expected to happen at some point.
It was unfortunate though to see that Adam kind of fizzles out towards the end. His willingness to help Jaune is appreciated and shows how he's grown from seeing things through Jaune's eyes. But I find that there is a lack of closure here. I kept expecting a scene between Jaune, Adam, and Blake where there'd be some revelation that Adam's spirit is still alive in Jaune. Maybe have Adam take over and recite poetry to Blake to prove it. It could have also given Blake some form of closure, as Adam did indeed change by the end, similar to Beast of Beacon but maybe not as far of a change. Maybe you wanted to avoid the drama that would create or found the idea to distracting from the main plot. Regardless I found it a little disappointing not to see it.
Something I was genuinely disappointed in though was the complete lack of Jaune's family. There were so many moments where they should have popped up. I especially wanted to see them in the ending in some form or fashion. See their reactions to everything he's accomplished as well as his newfound relationship with Sienna. This is in my opinion the biggest blemish on this fic.
All in all I found this fic enjoyable from start to finish. It's the first Jaune leads the White Fang fic I've really sat down and read. I'll come back to it in the future. Maybe you'd also consider a sequel in the future. I'd love to read it if you did.
I am off to read Null. Best wishes and happy writing.
10/5 c9 Guest
HAHAHA! That Monty Python reference killed me!
HAHAHA! That Monty Python reference killed me!
10/5 c7 Guest
That exorcism isn't helping at all Jaune. Still funny though
That exorcism isn't helping at all Jaune. Still funny though
10/4 c1 Jesus Saves
this is crazy
this is crazy
9/14 c13 Reviewmonkey4u
Your good I haven't seen the konusuba movie your mentioning so I can't give you an opinion. Your doing amazing though what you made is a comedy with a story. Comedy with no serious moments or character growth is just mind numbing nonsense, case and point teen titans go. Also I agree with you on the touchie subject though, I refuse to watch Goblin slayer for such reason.
Your good I haven't seen the konusuba movie your mentioning so I can't give you an opinion. Your doing amazing though what you made is a comedy with a story. Comedy with no serious moments or character growth is just mind numbing nonsense, case and point teen titans go. Also I agree with you on the touchie subject though, I refuse to watch Goblin slayer for such reason.
9/9 c69 Aetheryna
That was an absolute joy to read on many levels. For a Humor/Parody story it quite effectively balanced the comedic aspects with the serious topics and plot points without delving too far in either direction. And, apart from the Council being the Council, I’m glad to finally see all of the main characters in the different factions actually working together for once, because oftentimes Ozpin or Ironwood fall into the antagonist role (especially considering RWBY’s canon villains are… rather lackluster, to put it kindly). Also, let’s go Roman wooooooo finally able avoid the dumpster fire that is Cinder’s plan.
Not too much to comment on narratively, as there wasn’t anything that particularly stood out to me like in Arcanum (loose/winding plot with more questions than answers) or the Entertainer (simultaneously too heavy in subject to not take seriously while too sanitized to really get into the nitty gritty aspects of the story).
Now, though, I can FINALLY get to the new stories instead of rereading old ones. And I just saw that two of them (Raise and Remnant Invicta I think?) just finished last week, so I can actually finish them instead of having to wait for the weekly updates. Also, Chapter 69 heehee.
Cheers!
That was an absolute joy to read on many levels. For a Humor/Parody story it quite effectively balanced the comedic aspects with the serious topics and plot points without delving too far in either direction. And, apart from the Council being the Council, I’m glad to finally see all of the main characters in the different factions actually working together for once, because oftentimes Ozpin or Ironwood fall into the antagonist role (especially considering RWBY’s canon villains are… rather lackluster, to put it kindly). Also, let’s go Roman wooooooo finally able avoid the dumpster fire that is Cinder’s plan.
Not too much to comment on narratively, as there wasn’t anything that particularly stood out to me like in Arcanum (loose/winding plot with more questions than answers) or the Entertainer (simultaneously too heavy in subject to not take seriously while too sanitized to really get into the nitty gritty aspects of the story).
Now, though, I can FINALLY get to the new stories instead of rereading old ones. And I just saw that two of them (Raise and Remnant Invicta I think?) just finished last week, so I can actually finish them instead of having to wait for the weekly updates. Also, Chapter 69 heehee.
Cheers!