for Mirai Shinobi vol 2: Zetsubou5/30 c12 
15AntiHero627
Glad you’re back! I did not expect this kind of twist! Ikari Trunks! Cell! Android 21! Shion! I didn’t expect the Androids to make a friend in the pursuit of destruction. I’m really looking forward to seeing what happens next!
15AntiHero627Glad you’re back! I did not expect this kind of twist! Ikari Trunks! Cell! Android 21! Shion! I didn’t expect the Androids to make a friend in the pursuit of destruction. I’m really looking forward to seeing what happens next!
5/30 c12 phoinex slayer5
now that you're back to writing could you please update "devil of the league" I really like it
now that you're back to writing could you please update "devil of the league" I really like it
5/30 c12 1SparkinClark
Welcome Back, Bro! Good to see you again! :)
This chapter was a good comeback!
So let's start of with Kakashi checking out Amai! I loved that part. XD
Looks like Team Z is gonna deal with even MORE trouble down the road, hope they get through it.
Wasn't expecting Trunks to go all Broly on everyone though! O.O
And that big reveal; HOLY CRAP! Overall, this was a very good chapter and I can't wait to read the next one.
1SparkinClarkWelcome Back, Bro! Good to see you again! :)
This chapter was a good comeback!
So let's start of with Kakashi checking out Amai! I loved that part. XD
Looks like Team Z is gonna deal with even MORE trouble down the road, hope they get through it.
Wasn't expecting Trunks to go all Broly on everyone though! O.O
And that big reveal; HOLY CRAP! Overall, this was a very good chapter and I can't wait to read the next one.
5/29 c12 ShadowBloodedge9396
You liiiiiiiivvveeee! XD
Sorry, had to get that out of my system. But seriously, glad to see you're still kicking with this story. Great update...I like how Cell got bodied by both 21 and Trunks, but unfortunately he's still a slippery bastard...if I didn't know any better, I'd say he had absorbed Orochimaru at some point...assuming I haven't forgotten he already has.
So they got some stuff more clear with Shion's help...future still looking bleak though. But at least it helped them recognize Android 21 when she fully unveiled herself...not surprised she pulled the same trick she did in the game when the group first met her, feigning fear and all against Cell.
Also, good fight to calm Trunks down...so he's like Broly now when he looks at the moon, all the power none of the size...oh that would be great if Broly was still in this...
And finishing off with a cliffhanger of the main gang being unwillingly made to team up with 17 and 18(not sure how I feel about their continued humanization since these are Trunks' 17 and 18...I mean, at the very least still great touching on their good natured counterparts with park ranger 17) against 21...making me look forward even more to the next one!
You liiiiiiiivvveeee! XD
Sorry, had to get that out of my system. But seriously, glad to see you're still kicking with this story. Great update...I like how Cell got bodied by both 21 and Trunks, but unfortunately he's still a slippery bastard...if I didn't know any better, I'd say he had absorbed Orochimaru at some point...assuming I haven't forgotten he already has.
So they got some stuff more clear with Shion's help...future still looking bleak though. But at least it helped them recognize Android 21 when she fully unveiled herself...not surprised she pulled the same trick she did in the game when the group first met her, feigning fear and all against Cell.
Also, good fight to calm Trunks down...so he's like Broly now when he looks at the moon, all the power none of the size...oh that would be great if Broly was still in this...
And finishing off with a cliffhanger of the main gang being unwillingly made to team up with 17 and 18(not sure how I feel about their continued humanization since these are Trunks' 17 and 18...I mean, at the very least still great touching on their good natured counterparts with park ranger 17) against 21...making me look forward even more to the next one!
5/29 c12 4KuroArashi94
Been waiting for this update, fantastic work. Having #21 be her own separate element with no allegiances adds a very chaotic element to the story. I am curious how you'll explain her Majin characteristics. As for Trunks, how powerful is he in comparison to #21? Was not expecting the Ikari form to show up here but I'm assuming it's leading to a rather obvious conclusion with Trunks' peak transformations. I'm curious, can't wait for the next one.
4KuroArashi94Been waiting for this update, fantastic work. Having #21 be her own separate element with no allegiances adds a very chaotic element to the story. I am curious how you'll explain her Majin characteristics. As for Trunks, how powerful is he in comparison to #21? Was not expecting the Ikari form to show up here but I'm assuming it's leading to a rather obvious conclusion with Trunks' peak transformations. I'm curious, can't wait for the next one.
5/28 c12 5vonigner
Oh that's going to drop a wrench in Trunks' trust of everyone haha...
Nice.
Welcome back!
5vonignerOh that's going to drop a wrench in Trunks' trust of everyone haha...
Nice.
Welcome back!
2/12/2022 c1 Guest
REVIEW MY STORY! REVIEW MY STORY! REVIEW MY STORY!
www dot fanfiction dot net/s/14011295/1/Caillou-Montana
...,
REVIEW MY STORY! REVIEW MY STORY! REVIEW MY STORY!
www dot fanfiction dot net/s/14011295/1/Caillou-Montana
...,
2/8/2022 c11 Von
Alright, I spent the last reading the whole thing (vol 1 and up to here).
It's been an interesting ride, thank you !
Alright, I spent the last reading the whole thing (vol 1 and up to here).
It's been an interesting ride, thank you !
1/17/2022 c1 1shamelessred
First I want to say I your fic has been one the most consistently enjoyable Naruto and Dragon ball fan fiction I have ever had the pleasure of spending my hours reading, and THE most enjoyable crossover of those universes. I have been seeking a well made "power fantasy" or god mode crossover, but most of them are very shallow or badly paced, or very "diluted" in their prose if that makes sense. And while your story is not one of these, it makes up for it in spades for other reasons (Though it isn't exactly flaw, just a preference). I appreciate your focus on the exploration of the different forms power and skill take in these different universes, the androids are also a perfect threat for the way you've done the power scaling. I was mildly annoyed at first, but you execution's has been very believable and has added very well to the feel and stakes within the story.
Let me mention that what I say here contains some unsolicited advice that from my perspective could be and ingredient that may or may not be helpful in the writing of fight scenes. more as a point of thought that though I enjoy your fight scenes, there is an element of the medium of writing that I feel you might want to take advantage of. Feel free to disregard anything I say especially as what I'm offering is more theoretical in nature and not based in experience as a writer, rather instead comes from my experience as a reader of things. Sorry for the long preamble, so here it is:
In your description of fight scenes you have done well to set a good rhythm of the moment to moment combat, however there seem to be situations where the details of bog down the pacing or restrict the imagination. Whereas if your were to mix in some more general or broad descriptions of the combat I find that in those spaces I find my mind fills in the gap rather well. This isn't to say you haven't done this at all, as your style has gotten less ridged since the first. However through my readings the have been a few times where the motion of events became rather confusing where I didn't quite understand where a character was in the scene, or how they were moving from one position to another, in these instances I had to skim and overwrite the scenes in my imagination to retain flow.
There seems to be a spectrum here;
On one end the very zoomed out spectator perspective that cant keep up and see's shockwaves and blurring movement, flashes and such. Then the other which seems pretty common so far, is the sort of slow motion exchange between the fighters. Each has worked to your advantage and sucked me in, equally I have found instances where it has pulled me out where actions seem to be dragged on long enough to where I check the size of the paragraph to see how much more of this there is, or on the opposite end where it would be nice to see how those shockwaves and the effect on the environment is coming about.
It seems very much to be about balance of abstraction from the direct form the actions are taking and the moments of description that inform and direct the momentum and rhythm of the action. As a writer your access to theater of mind is of an unparalleled degree when compared to ANY other medium besides perhaps music.
To describe a tree, the reader only needs to know it is in fact a tree, its motion, size, and maybe its color or type if that is relevant, and the mind vividly places that tree in a scene. To describe a house and its layout there is no reason to describe its exact dimensions as we usually pull from memory when referencing how the characters are moving through and established setting or space.
But anyway I hope some of this was insightful or helpful in some ways. And to add to praise; your character writing has been spot on and you have done a wonderful job of integrating the tone of both series in a way that does well to leverage their appeal.
(I will be sending this in both a message and a review due to my inexperience with the culture and some functions of this site.)
1shamelessredFirst I want to say I your fic has been one the most consistently enjoyable Naruto and Dragon ball fan fiction I have ever had the pleasure of spending my hours reading, and THE most enjoyable crossover of those universes. I have been seeking a well made "power fantasy" or god mode crossover, but most of them are very shallow or badly paced, or very "diluted" in their prose if that makes sense. And while your story is not one of these, it makes up for it in spades for other reasons (Though it isn't exactly flaw, just a preference). I appreciate your focus on the exploration of the different forms power and skill take in these different universes, the androids are also a perfect threat for the way you've done the power scaling. I was mildly annoyed at first, but you execution's has been very believable and has added very well to the feel and stakes within the story.
Let me mention that what I say here contains some unsolicited advice that from my perspective could be and ingredient that may or may not be helpful in the writing of fight scenes. more as a point of thought that though I enjoy your fight scenes, there is an element of the medium of writing that I feel you might want to take advantage of. Feel free to disregard anything I say especially as what I'm offering is more theoretical in nature and not based in experience as a writer, rather instead comes from my experience as a reader of things. Sorry for the long preamble, so here it is:
In your description of fight scenes you have done well to set a good rhythm of the moment to moment combat, however there seem to be situations where the details of bog down the pacing or restrict the imagination. Whereas if your were to mix in some more general or broad descriptions of the combat I find that in those spaces I find my mind fills in the gap rather well. This isn't to say you haven't done this at all, as your style has gotten less ridged since the first. However through my readings the have been a few times where the motion of events became rather confusing where I didn't quite understand where a character was in the scene, or how they were moving from one position to another, in these instances I had to skim and overwrite the scenes in my imagination to retain flow.
There seems to be a spectrum here;
On one end the very zoomed out spectator perspective that cant keep up and see's shockwaves and blurring movement, flashes and such. Then the other which seems pretty common so far, is the sort of slow motion exchange between the fighters. Each has worked to your advantage and sucked me in, equally I have found instances where it has pulled me out where actions seem to be dragged on long enough to where I check the size of the paragraph to see how much more of this there is, or on the opposite end where it would be nice to see how those shockwaves and the effect on the environment is coming about.
It seems very much to be about balance of abstraction from the direct form the actions are taking and the moments of description that inform and direct the momentum and rhythm of the action. As a writer your access to theater of mind is of an unparalleled degree when compared to ANY other medium besides perhaps music.
To describe a tree, the reader only needs to know it is in fact a tree, its motion, size, and maybe its color or type if that is relevant, and the mind vividly places that tree in a scene. To describe a house and its layout there is no reason to describe its exact dimensions as we usually pull from memory when referencing how the characters are moving through and established setting or space.
But anyway I hope some of this was insightful or helpful in some ways. And to add to praise; your character writing has been spot on and you have done a wonderful job of integrating the tone of both series in a way that does well to leverage their appeal.
(I will be sending this in both a message and a review due to my inexperience with the culture and some functions of this site.)
1/6/2022 c10 KingGodzillaX
So glad to see that your back! I really enjoyed the story so far and the two new chapters. I also never thought I see Bardock and Tsunade, too, but I loved it! Keep it up!
So glad to see that your back! I really enjoyed the story so far and the two new chapters. I also never thought I see Bardock and Tsunade, too, but I loved it! Keep it up!
12/27/2021 c11 fadumo2468
Aw dang it I caught up! I love this so much and I think it’s made really well done! Oof, before they can even begin to notice cell we have 21 on the planet now? How the H did she get here lol I doubt naruto worlds earth has a majin sealed away so obviously she’s from trunks home, but she seems like she knows her way around? Did she come here within the 3 years, or was she there way before even trunks showed up?
I find everything about trunks’s non consenting assault disgusting and hope danzo, the mom, and his child turn into ashes and trunks never has to know. I mean hey? Every Z fighter kept the fact that goku killed his grandpa a secret for what? 15 years?
And sucks to suck people of this world cause even if trunks leaves the planet, now that so many people can use a high amount of ki, the planet is going to get attention from other alien life forms.
Aw dang it I caught up! I love this so much and I think it’s made really well done! Oof, before they can even begin to notice cell we have 21 on the planet now? How the H did she get here lol I doubt naruto worlds earth has a majin sealed away so obviously she’s from trunks home, but she seems like she knows her way around? Did she come here within the 3 years, or was she there way before even trunks showed up?
I find everything about trunks’s non consenting assault disgusting and hope danzo, the mom, and his child turn into ashes and trunks never has to know. I mean hey? Every Z fighter kept the fact that goku killed his grandpa a secret for what? 15 years?
And sucks to suck people of this world cause even if trunks leaves the planet, now that so many people can use a high amount of ki, the planet is going to get attention from other alien life forms.