Just In
for Whisper of the Darkness

1/12 c1 Wika0304
please update, it starts very interesting
11/29/2019 c1 American Socialist
Can't wait for more!
11/25/2019 c1 Le dauphin
I liked it (didn't like your Ned, though).
Interesting bit about Robb knowing the truth, and I liked that he told Ned off! Feel bad for Jon. Sad he's gone and that everyone thinks him dead.

Now, two things:
Jon was never ever mistreated. He was never made to feel a bastard and always treated as just another Stark child by everyone except Catelyn. And still, all she did was be indifferent to him. She never called him names (we only know how she felt, but she never exteriorized her feelings), so neither Robb nor Ned can complain about her. Jon was given absolutely everything except a mother figure, but that's not Cat's fault. Many kids grow up without a mother (including Catelyn herself). If Jon mopes about being left out, it's just his perception and his problem, since he never was.
Ned has no business blaming Catelyn. Robb told him the truth, how HE failed everyone. Ned is the one who made Jon a bastard. Catelyn did nothing but treat him the way a bastard deserved - in fact, better than what he deserved. It's not her fault Ned lied to her.

Other than your Ned (who I don't really think would be so callous to his wife in canon), I like this...
And now? What will happen to Jon? And the Boltons!
11/25/2019 c1 2pfcvillanueva
Alright a couple of things to note:

1. See about finding a beta to proof read your work. Grammatically there are several errors of run-ons and sentences that shouldn't be there. They detract from the story and make it hard to read since we have to go back and mentally correct what you're trying to convey.

2. The Ramsey scene at the end mentioned the Lannisters. Now that seems rushed and why was it Ramsey instead of Roose or his legitimate son (I forget his name).

3. Your timeline. Jon's passing says years but you dont say how many. So has only a year passed or several years passed? Would like some form of clarification.

4. The new Targeryn Dynasty, how did no one spot this army before if they're already moving on the dreadfort?

I like the idea of the story, it's rough and needs work but it can be a good story if you do it right.

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