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6/3 c1 1aaronmag
Thought I would try out this story.

I like that this is current to the FR timeline. Writing so far has been good. You change tense here, however:

The finality in his voice, as well as his callous disregard for those lives she seeks to save began to grate on her nerves, as it often did.

seeks- sought and began to grate-grated

Now, as she had done countless times before, she reflected on that choice before the altar.

Writing is good, but need to break things up with more paragraphs.

Finally, the woman spoke. "Gwenn Moonshadow, be at peace. No harm will you find here."

This is fine, but, this should be its own paragraph.

"Where am I" she asked softly, the power of this woman stealing some of her nerve.

This again should be their own paragraph. Also stealing-steeling.

As to who I am, you may call me Califra."

All this is good, but work in paragraph.
5/31 c4 9Belmakori
Very good. It started off a little slow, but the pace picked up nicely.

I'm curious about the dwarf's history with Sundabar.

~Bel
2/27 c1 Belmakori
Good story...just a few things to note:

Watch your verb tense. You flip flop back and forth between present tense and past tense in your piece. For example: "...lives she seeks to save..." It should be "...lives she sought to save..."

Your paragraphs tend to run on quite a bit. A typical paragraph shouldn't be more than 5 to 6 sentences. Keep each paragraph contained to one thought or idea. Larger paragraphs tends to throw off the reader and/or turns them off from your piece.

For example: The paragraph where Gwenn walks into Father Wiltens, once she helps him up, that should end that paragraph since you transition into the part abour the merchants stall. The Merchants stall should be a separate paragraph. Once the transaction at the stall has been completed, you should start a new paragraph accordingly. That large paragraph is easily three paragraphs.

Make use of promouns. In any paragraph, once you mention Gwenn by name, you don't have to keep using her name for each sentence. Consider using she or her or other descriptors like "youthful cleric" for example.

Overall, this is a very good piece. I look forward to reading more.

~Bel
2/18 c1 1Yeeter of Eberron
This is pretty good! Try shortening the paragraphs, though.

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