Just In
for Red Thorn

1/24 c121 Heavyarms150
I don't think anyone was surprised when you name-dropped aoshi. As soon as you had natsuki using kodachi like she does I think any kenshin fan saw it a mile away.
1/23 c67 Heavyarms150
The heels thing makes no real sense. Not only do heels look rediculous on those not used to them and forces them to embarrass themself in public by tripping but they are bad for your body. According to most professionals they will throw off both your posture and gait and prolonged use can cause severe damage to your achilles tendon.
1/22 c34 ilikefreedom
This was a spicy chapter.
1/14 c20 ilikefreedom
The way you write the dynamic of team Cardinals very interesting.
1/14 c166 WilliamLeonis
This was one of the best long lasting fanfic I ever read, great work on it all.
the story and everything about this were great.
hope to read more of your story in the future!
1/12 c166 Samarican
I love this fic, you've done a brilliant job of it

I would enjoy reading a more 'slice of life' type of fic set in this world of team RASP or even just Ruby and Jaune traveling across Remnant, say, 20 years post graduation
1/10 c166 Guest
Firstly congrats on ending this tale.
I liked the characters, the Tolkien references, the battles were fluid and easy to follow.

Now here comes the gripe:

Firstly, the Mibu. They are ridiculously overpowered to the point that the other Kingdoms are seen as ineffectual knockoffs. They have almost all the advantages and minimal downsides. Early 20th century tech vs being being able to compress gravity to the point of blackholes is not an even dichotomy.

During the Expedition mini Arc, they were able to do ridiculous things that it felt like watching one sided beatdowns in text form.
The fact that they are the reason all of this happened kinda cheapens the heroism of the other characters and Kingdoms.

From a geopolitical view, the trade relation between them and the Kingdoms is laughably near one sided.
There would be no one able to stop them if they decided to take over the world similarly to IJA during WWII.

Secondly, the OC characters. I did like them but I feel like they take up lots of spotlight.
I understand wanting to have more members but they took a lot of screen time. Their power levels were ridiculous as well. They didn't feel fair to have them fight the cast.

Thirdly, Aura. Your ideas and concepts for it are very fascinating but they take away part of makes RWBY so interesting is Dust. The fact you make Aura so powerful that it cheapens what Dust can do.
Another issue is that those who use gravity aura by creating a blackhole.
Doing that alone, even for short period, would create unimaginable amounts of destruction and distort gravity of the planet.

Fourthly, the Lore. I get wanting to create some interesting ideas and concepts. Your take on the Gods while interesting, greatly downplays the struggle between Oz and Salem. The whole point of them was to find a way to either unite or destroy humanity and Faunus. It is the central core of the series after all.
I also found the theory that remnant is Earth is in the future to be not appealing. The geography is very different, the lack of familiar things and no identifiable marks does dispel that theory.

Fifthly, Ruby herself. From her arrival at Beacon, she had no real need to improve or learn things. She was way above the average and she didn't really learn much. Her character evolution was not very remarkable. She was close to plateauing so she didn't have anything to strive for anything because she was already way ahead of the curve. She didn't really learn anything from her friends which isn't interesting as even teachers can learn from their pupils

Sixthly, the other characters. The other characters were well fleshed out but it felt like they only learned from Ruby and didn't teach her anything. They only learned that Aura is better than Dust for nearly everything combat related. It was frustrating to see them only be sponges for Ruby and not doing anything to teach her.

I noticed you are a big fan of Japan as the nomenclature easily gives it away. It can be induced that one seems to think that only Japanese were great makers of handiwork and artisans while forgetting great makers such as Helmschmied, Diderot, etc. to name a few good artisans. Its annoying to show this ignorance or worse arrogance in terms of knowledge of world history.

You also downplayed how violent internal politics in Japan were during their isolation.

I'd say the first 3/4 of the story was fun. I'd say the final arc where I felt a disconnect.
Those chapters undermine the central tenets of the series

Overall, I really enjoyed this tale.
1/10 c15 ilikefreedom
I I love how you handle character development in this book it's very well written.
1/6 c70 Guest
“Elric”, you say does he have something to do with a certain short Fullmetal alchemist?
1/4 c166 5HafizXRenashi
Thank you...

Author of the story. For one of the greatest RWBY fanfiction I have ever read. Hope, that you are able to come up yet another fascinating story in the future. I'll be honest that I didn't know what to say about the story as a whole, but all I can say is that you have made one of the best story written in the fandom...

And I hope it stays that way
1/4 c166 TheBoxGhost117
I think, looking back, this is a very well done story. I'm glad i read it all the way though. It gave me a whole range of emotions throughout from parts where I was emotionally invested to eagerly checking for a new chapter after a cliff hanger to wanting to put it down in aggravation from various things to parts I literally glossed over or straight skipped because I found them unimportant or boring. I never read the source material for the elements you added here, and while some of them felt weird or clunky, most slotted in perfectly fine and helped subtlety drive the plot. I also think you did a very good job with incorporating OCs (are they really OCs if they are from other established works?) You made sure they were not OP or more importantly if they were strong or borderline broken, swoop in to solve all the problems, while they had enough of an impact to justify plot changes. I did have some issues throughout with what felt like a bit of shoehorning with characters and some pairings that felt forced and I think you probabally could have had a bit more drama sprinkled in for entertainment. (I absolutely ate up the Yang vs Ruby stuff in early beacon and the payoffs for basically all of Ruby's team having parental issues). But overall the plot was solid and interesting and anything i really feel should have been added can be boiled down to my personal preference. As far as romance and pairings go (outside of shoehorned or "pair off the spare" im not going to name but you can probabally guess), I think these relationships were very organic and an improvement from the ones in your last story. Your grammar was fine and you described everything very well, and had good noun variety and the fight scenes were quite good (save for those I personally found uninteresting) and most of them had me on my toes actually wondering which way it would go. Even the BBEG fights at the end had my eyes glued to the screen, and I'm not sure if it was a distinct choice to keep them relatively short but it was a good one, as in my experience too many authors draw them out for no real reason, or to make them seem more impressive. You did a very good job of showing that Long / Good for fights, and just made them good. My last half-serious criticism i can offer would be the epilogue was too short, but I'm also a sucker for a solid "10/20 years later" deal rather then a vague ending left to the imagination.

All in all, good shit man and you will definitely have me back here for the next one, even if I don't review often.
1/3 c23 Guest
12/22/2020 c166 Mitsuru2003
Thank you moguera for this story! That's been amazing!
12/8/2020 c166 Guest
What about killing yu?
11/28/2020 c166 3gajeel-of-iron
Spectacular story. Couldn't put it down. 10/10
2,929 Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service