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for Weathered Gorge

2/18 c4 19The Rhombus
First, I would like to say that you have very nicely covered a huge range of themes within this final installment of the story. When covering such themes as parental abandonment (even involuntary), resentment, pride, and uncertainty, it is easy to good lost in the stew of emotions just as the characters are lost in the narrative. However, your story (and this chapter) has expertly covered these heavy themes in a way that was both easy to follow and did those themes justice.

The part that especially impressed me in this chapter was the character development in Skylar, as she had to rise to the occasion in order to save her son. A heroic moment, contrasted by dark memories. The resulting long-ranging conversation, about Petrie's father, Petrie's siblings, and Petrie's own impulses, was an interesting one that shed a lot of light on his family dynamics and Skylar's own development as a character. The ending antics of Pitch and Gryphon, and Petrie's acceptance of things, shows a more positive side of Petrie's sometimes troubled family dynamic. In the end he realizes that he is simply plain ol' Petrie... but that is a liberating experience in itself. Ultimately, it will be up to him, and him alone, what being Petrie means.

This was an excellent way to end the short story. Even though this story may have caused you some grief in how long it ended up being and the resulting delay, rest assured that the end result is a great story that explores the inner mind of our favorite awkward flyer. I personally think you have done a great job here. :)
2/9 c4 8Anagnos
And we have finally arrived at the long-awaited conclusion of this short story. Overall, I think it was done rather well in the end and I quite liked the focus on many themes present here, ranging from shock, resentment, the feeling of abandonment, resolve, family and ultimately acceptance from Petrie on behalf of his deceased father’s fate in the Gorge. In a way, the main focus of this story was Petrie’s own belief in changing his entire portrayal in the franchise, only to realize he was already perfect the way he were and that there was no need for a change after all.

Since the first half immediately carried on without interruption, it allowed the story flow almost trouble-free. I feel like this particular moment introduced a valid character development in Skylar’s case, having won her fear of returning to the Gorge to save someone important to her, fortunately this time her determination prevailed in the end. Although, I found her sudden arrival to be slightly coincidental, swooping in just in time to save Petrie from the Gorge, and by thus avoiding another incident. Come to think of it, it would’ve been a great opportunity for Petrie if he’d managed to make it out of danger all by himself, proving that he isn’t a weakling anymore, but I can see why you decided not to go with this route as it would’ve been quite difficult to pull off without presenting issues in the storyline.

The comments made by Petrie’s siblings have always contained a certain amount of disappointment and hostility against their father, and by extension, Petrie’s own feelings on his father’s ultimate demise. However, the next sequence showed us that Petrie has always been under the influence of his own siblings to think less of himself from the start, and by speaking half-truths about their father, his siblings shaped his decision to travel to the Gorge itself to prove them wrong. The verified truth here is that none of them truly knew their father to begin with, and by so generated those very feelings within them. The character development that Skylar had to go through was also rather interesting, because I wouldn’t have believed her to be a daredevil in her youth, and the alacrity to change ways is a moment that is close to the heart.

While some of the descriptions and dialogue throughout the fic varied between good, acceptable and even slightly cliché, you’ve ultimately managed to complete this story with flying colors and should be proud of this achievement. Your ability to engage the reader into the story is one of the main features that make you a unique writer. And concerning the trouble you’ve had to go through with this story, it had a rather satisfying ending to the story.
2/6 c4 4Stardust Soldier
All in all, I’d say this was a pretty good story. I thought you were being too hard on yourself during our conversation about it earlier. Although I get it, as I can be hard on myself too at times. Still, there are a lot of nice things about this tale. The opening flashback between Petrie and Skylar was a good way to kick off the final chapter. And then the later conversation between the two of them at the end, and the following scene with Gryphon and Pitch, were legitimately touching moments, and the overall resolution and narrative arc were satisfying. Good job, Master Owl. :)
2/5 c4 Guest
So when is the next chapter for your other story Waves Crashing Upon The Sky gonna be released because I can't to read about everyone's reaction when Ducky kissed Paddy(Petrie).
2/5 c4 26Keijo6
Well done with finishing this story in a more timely manner than usual. The ending wrapped it up quite well and I certainly liked the themes you presented here. It was nice to see Skylar making Petrie see sense after his desperate effort to prove something to himself and many of the things you wrote of here feel very familiar.

The first part of this chapter showed Petrie, as expected, surviving from his ordeal even if it was quite surprising that it was his mother who got him away from the mess he had created. Those scenes were pretty intense and the atmosphere you created with the Gorge’s horrific nature certainly worked very well. Petrie’s despair certainly was clear as was his relief after he had managed to save himself from this grisly fate.

As for the main part of this story, that discussion certainly worked. Personal change, your family’s shadow and opposition to perfectionism are some things that I can relate to and I really liked reading that talk. It was very long but there wasn’t one moment where I thought it was boring or unnecessary and the detail you put into Skylar’s words was something I liked very much.

However, something still felt to be missing in this story. I would have wanted to see some real closure in the Gorge as now Petrie’s journey feels a bit incomplete. I personally would have included Petrie finding his father’s remains or something or having some moment of epiphany himself but considering the relative shortness of this fic, the ending was rather good.

Overall, this was a good story and a worthy look into Petrie’s mind as well as another, more forgiving vision about his siblings. The themes were very spot on and this last chapter certainly brought a lot of the tension, warmth and insight that have become your trademark. So despite my comments, this was a very worthy story and one that will likely affect many readers’ views about its protagonist.
2/5 c3 4Stardust Soldier
A disclaimer that I haven’t read any of the other reviews yet, just because I wanted to be as unbiased as possible in forming my own thoughts, so I apologize in advance if this was already pointed out. But, how can the flyer siblings all be different ages? Their father died before any of them were born, so it seems that all six of them should be the same age.

Anyway, Chapter 1 is very nicely written and got me immediately hooked. No complaints there. The opening flashback was an especially great and haunting touch. I was surprised at how dark it was, but right away it gives the story some strong emotional weight. The central premise and inciting incident is great as well; no complaints there either.

However, the flashbacks in Ch. 2 & 3 felt unnecessary to me. I feel the story would have flowed better if those flashbacks had instead been shortened and streamlined into the main narrative, or else removed entirely.

While I do like the idea of giving characterization to Petrie’s siblings, Ch. 2 also dragged for me in general. Some of the back-and-forth arguing went on for too long. Less would have been more. In particular, I feel it would have been more impactful and emotional if the chapter itself had ended sooner. Once Petrie flies off after the argument, the narrative only needed to go on long enough to establish that he was heading to the Weathered Gorge. Although that does lead to my next point in that the chapters all have fantastic cliffhangers. No need to apologize for that. :)

Gyro and Roll came off a bit too cartoonishly mean. It’s fine that they’re unpleasant, especially since their bullying is what kicks off the story’s conflict in the first place, but they felt one-dimensional. Their bullying would have been more believable to me if it had been toned down slightly, while still being hurtful enough to give Petrie a convincing motive to flee from them and feel the need to prove himself at the gorge.

Even despite my issues with the pacing, it is a compelling story. The whole time, I kept wanting to know what would happen next. I look forward to seeing the epic conclusion. :)
1/22 c3 19The Rhombus
Poor Petrie, even the puns are out to kill him. :p Let's hope this cliff-hanger doesn't leave his corpse hanging on a cliff!

Joking aside, I quite like how you handled the three arcs in this chapter: the escape from the siblings; Petrie's emotional contemplation; and the struggle in the gorge itself. Each of these arcs transitioned quite nicely into the other, with Petrie's emotional struggle being the glue that holds everything together narratively. First, we have Petrie's thoughts and scheming as he tries to escape his siblings. I like how you highlight his need to out-think his siblings as opposed to using any kind of physical prowess. This also gives us a more in-depth focus on how he views his siblings: from the most toxic to those who only have toxic moments. With the escape being completed, however, we then see him fix his thoughts towards himself in a self-critical manner, and then towards even his friends when they compelled him into doing things he did not want to do. This thought process then further highlights the significance of Petrie casting aside his snuggling stick - he wants to cast aside the old Petrie and to be what (he thinks) his father was not.

Which brings us to the Weathered Gorge...

The name is a double-entendre, but instead of its second (hidden) meaning being risqué, it is actually dangerous. A fact which Petrie had figured out all too late. Doubling down on his mission to conquer the gorge and not turning back when he had an opportunity (ironically, like his father) he is now in the situation where he must fly for his very life. Though the ending of this chapter on a cliff-hanger is a bit of an odd choice (I could see the entire Weathered Gorge scene being its own chapter) I understand why it was structured this way. In showing all three arcs in one chapter we get to not only see the entirety of Petrie's thought process, but we also get to see echoes of his father in his own actions. This insight is made clearer in the current setup, and, as such, I think structuring it this way was the right call.

I look forward to seeing the conclusion of this story. :) Petrie certainly has his work ahead of him now.
1/22 c3 26Keijo6
There certainly was a going on in this chapter. I hadn’t really expected the journey to the Gorge to be this quick but on the other hand, it also kept the tension high. It was quite interesting to see Petrie’s desperate and agitated thoughts regarding his father and his entire situation and the flashbacks were a very efficient way to fill the flight. Petrie’s thoughts are more than well done here and the hurt and desperation were tangible. I’m a bit disturbed by Petrie’s vitriol towards his father but considering the circumstances, it is understandable.

And indeed, I was surprised that we’d get to the Gorge itself this quickly. That’s not a bad thing even if I had expected there to be something else happening on the way. It was a bit sad to see Petrie heading towards his potential end this eagerly but again, his hurt explains a lot. For sure, it shouldn’t have been a surprise for him to see that the Gorge is more dangerous than he had imagined. Though, the cliffhanger isn’t optimal considering that the chances of Petrie dying are practically zero. That being said, it’ll be nice to see how he survives and how he claims his success.
1/22 c3 8Anagnos
This chapter was in many ways an improvement. The absence of the rather good-natured and melancholy disposition were clearly left out to make room for the more suspenseful stuff that we have only seen a brief glimpse of. I found it rather interesting that you chose to show Petrie’s side in his earlier ruse to lose his pursuers and ultimately the start of his journey to the Weathered Gorge were a good way to start this change of events. Petrie’s reflection on his lack of ability to be anything else besides a lookout for his friends when participating in exciting and unusual experiences undisputedly present his character in a rather woeful way.

In every way, many would likely see Petrie’s reaction to the recent developments a bit overwhelming, but his manifestation regarding his father’s death was a part that will likely play a larger role in the following chapters. His ulterior motive for going on this, in some degree, a very precarious objective presented a certain quota that he is determined to follow. But upon discovering that the Weathered Gorge may not simply be a mere landmark, but something more and of major concern must feel like a punch to the face for poor Petrie right now. I would like to express my concern on how these events will be tied together in the end, as the alteration of the weather came quite unexpectedly and seemed rather outlandish as a result. I hope you can establish what you’re trying to convey here in the following chapters as the disclosure was a bit of a letdown.
1/15 c2 19The Rhombus
Poor Petrie can't seem to escape from having awful siblings in many of the recent stories, though in this chapter their conduct really is beyond the pale. Though some of their number have redeeming qualities, namely Pitch, the antics of many of the others was truly sickening.

That being said their conduct is quite understandable in this instance from a psychological perspective. They have just discovered that their father (whom many of them might have created stories in their mind about) died in a manner that some of them consider pointless. As this displeasure has no available outlet in the form of their father, they displace these negative emotions to the easiest target - the one who awakened them from their slumber. Now poor Petrie, who is no doubt feeling the same conflicting emotions, must now deal with his siblings' own negativity without any support. This is the kind of situation that can lead to impulsive decisions - and we certainly saw this here. Now he is off on the journey that will certainly define this story.

Despite the emotional turmoil that Petrie went through in this chapter (the poor guy can't seem to catch a break in any of our stories ;p ) I think that you have conveyed the emotions and motivations of the characters very well. I look forward to seeing how Petrie's journey goes forward from here, and to see how his siblings deal with the situation has presented itself.
1/10 c2 26Keijo6
Things certainly took a surprising turn here. I hadn’t expected Petrie’s siblings to be major players here but I was seriously wrong. You clearly agree with the sentiment that Petrie’s siblings are absolutely terrible and you certainly showed that here. The other flyers were absolutely sickening to the degree where I felt all of that seemed a bit off but it certainly got the message through. It was very easy to feel for Petrie here and hope that one day, he wouldn’t have to suffer constant bullying. Yet, I liked how you gave some, albeit small, redemptive qualities to some of the other flyers.

And yep, that meeting turned out to be the decisive trigger for Petrie’s quest and it was a welcome addition to his list of misgivings about his current situation. I’m rather confident he will prove himself before this fic is completed but I’m still unsure where his siblings’ path will lead. It seems that deep down, they still don’t want their brother to meet his end like this so it will be seen whether some of them will embark on a journey to help Petrie. The feels in this chapter were spot-on and it’ll be interesting to see just what will happen in the chapters to come.
1/9 c2 8Anagnos
For one, I must applaud your ability on how superbly the entire chapter was written from start to finish and especially your capability to successfully expound how all of the characters behaved that positively speak volumes of your writing proficiency in such matters. One can clearly see and feel each side of the confrontation between the siblings as if they are there, which is something that is not so easy to accomplish in such a special manner as this. I would like to add that the dialogue also proved to be very praiseworthy addition and succeeded in giving the reader a much distinct angle on the characters present in the sequence.

It was pretty much to be expected that a confrontation would occur between the siblings over the revelation that they learned in the previous chapter, but the way this scene ultimately played out completely managed to surpass expectations, in a good way. To say that the feeling of shock they feel after their exposure to the bitter truth would have been a colossal understatement, but ultimately the feeling of disappointment outweighs everything else once Gyro and Roll not only began to doubt their own father’s talent and express displeasure of him dying for something so ludicrous in their opinion, they direct their attention to Petrie whom is not deserving of their torment in a time like that. These severe insults and the comparison between the two flyers shows how utterly despicable they truly are.

But in a rather surprising twist, Petrie not only dashes away from his tormentors to escape their endless insults, but ends up leaving the valley altogether and the implication behind his departure doesn’t sit well with his other siblings. But the feeling of dread for their brother is overshadowed by the feeling of trepidation on who will eventually have to break the news about Petrie to their mother as they will likely not stay silent about the whole ordeal, and Skylar will be bound to notice something is amiss once she returns to the nest. For now, it will be up for the future installments to unveil how this confrontation will proceed, but the implications are anything but cheerful for everyone involved in it. While the chapter was once again a short one, it did present vision on what this fic will principally be like and it will be interesting to see where you will take it from here.
1/7 c1 19The Rhombus
I can only second what others have said, in that although the premise for this story may not be entirely original, I still think that it is off to a promising start. In particular, the depiction of a somewhat OOC Skylar (from what we have seen in her current age) intrigues me, as this indicates that her mate's death greatly changed her outlook and gave rise to her current perspective of things. I do wonder if, with Petrie overhearing her words, that she might begin to see elements of her former folly within Petrie's perspective. As such this story has great promise in terms of exploring the relationship between both mother and son, and (absent) father and son.

With regards to the gore in this chapter, I think it was handled well. It showcased in such a manner as to encapsulate the horrifying instant in time that Skylar realized that her mate had parted from the mortal realm, but did not linger any longer than was necessary to evoke the emotions of that scene. Likewise the directness of this chapter (not leaving much in terms of mystery as to her feelings) is justified so as to clearly set the stage, so to speak, for the drama that is to come.

All in all this is a promising beginning to this tale, and I look forward to seeing where you take it from here. :)
1/4 c1 8Anagnos
This story has a rather promising start right now and while the premise is not exactly new as other authors in the past have explored the unknown life of Petrie’s father, I must confess that I am deeply taken in by this one in particular as it presents the flyer in a more different manner than merely explaining his origin in a few short sentences. I have previously mentioned that I’m an enthusiast when it comes to stories like this where the reader is presented with a more detailed backstory to a character that might not be so well known in the franchise. From the start, the meticulous structure of the fic is enough to convey the message that something bad happened to Skylar in the past and thus is still very much hurt by the very event that ultimately caused her mate’s death. The feeling of regret over her choice of action doesn’t leave much to ponder that she is blaming herself for the death she indirectly caused during the journey.

I did find it rather interesting that you chose not to name Skylar’s mate in this story, and even if naming a side character like him isn’t exactly necessary, it does bring the character more liveliness when they are not nameless supporting characters, but I can understand your reason behind for this decision as it is not always easy to come up with a suitable name. One other thing that I noticed was that the perspective between past and present shift rather often in a short chapter as this. I am not stating that this was a bad idea, but it did become slightly confusing to read occasionally when the angle varied between the past and present timeline.

It is completely understandable that Petrie and his sibling would wish to learn more about their deceased father, but the way to bring about this development is up to speculation. I can merely speculate what reason they might have to even potentially travel to the Weathered Gorge themselves as the narrative appeared to be hinting at this course in particular. I must say that I am deeply intrigued by the plot and the possible confrontation in the future about all of that has been revealed here and can’t wait to see what you will bring us in the following chapters.
1/3 c1 26Keijo6
This was quite an introduction this story. It was rather surprising to see another take on what happened to Petrie’s father and your view about his fate was quite decent as well. I quite like the idea of this Weathered Gorge serving as some kind of famous challenge that Skylar wanted to beat so bad that she risked her own and her mate’s lives to do that. It was very unlike her but it also serves as an explanation to some parts of her current personality. The ending (as well as the summary) hinted very well at where this fic is going. It’s more than clear that Petrie wants to hear more about his father from now on and eventually best him in the only way possible. The premise is thus quite strong.

The idea itself isn’t that fresh, though, as Petrie’s tests have been a focus of other fics, such as Pursuit of Endless Day, and this story sounds very much like Starlight overall. Likewise, Petrie’s father died quite quickly and it would have been nice to see him being developed a bit further. That being said, I’m sure you’ll be able to build a unique identity for this story as well.

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