for Ooo's Evil1/10/2020 c2 
2CNY
lets see whaat he s. do to candy kingdom and to bonnie .. urgh i reay dont want to say this but is he going to harm her too.
2CNYlets see whaat he s. do to candy kingdom and to bonnie .. urgh i reay dont want to say this but is he going to harm her too.
1/9/2020 c1 CNY
Nice story so far ... I'm curious that would he hurt Bonnie and Pheobe. Well fp broke with him recently so he might hurt her but what about peebles. lets see what happens next.
The funny part is he is only affected by his love and jake. lets how do pb sort this one out, relation between both would have been possible but the thing is his age... wait whats his age in the timeline of your story?
please do update soon.
Nice story so far ... I'm curious that would he hurt Bonnie and Pheobe. Well fp broke with him recently so he might hurt her but what about peebles. lets see what happens next.
The funny part is he is only affected by his love and jake. lets how do pb sort this one out, relation between both would have been possible but the thing is his age... wait whats his age in the timeline of your story?
please do update soon.
1/9/2020 c1 7Nuclear Pigeon One
Hey a new dark Finn story, those are rare these days!
Have to admit, I enjoyed this, it is very good for a first chapter.
The only warning I can give is to make sure there are challenges for Finn. So far, he hasn't struggled once in a fight (What is understandable, you're currently showing off how powerful his new abilities are.) While the first few times it will be satisfying watching Finn obliterate things, the fights will get boring very quickly.
A thing I can suggest is making some dialogue scenes longer for greater effect. An example I can point out in this chapter is when Breakfast Princess is explaining to Bubblegum what happened with Finn attacking. You just did it as a quick explanation, no talking, just summarised a whole conversation in a few words, what does come off as a bit lazy. It is a missed opportunity, as you could of had Breakfast Princess explain how Finn is acting, how he has changed, what's he is like now etc. And have Bubblegum constantly counter and deny what she is saying, showing her complete disbelief this was Finn.
Still, despite the above I still really enjoyed this, it has potential.
I hope to see more, this is very good!
7Nuclear Pigeon OneHey a new dark Finn story, those are rare these days!
Have to admit, I enjoyed this, it is very good for a first chapter.
The only warning I can give is to make sure there are challenges for Finn. So far, he hasn't struggled once in a fight (What is understandable, you're currently showing off how powerful his new abilities are.) While the first few times it will be satisfying watching Finn obliterate things, the fights will get boring very quickly.
A thing I can suggest is making some dialogue scenes longer for greater effect. An example I can point out in this chapter is when Breakfast Princess is explaining to Bubblegum what happened with Finn attacking. You just did it as a quick explanation, no talking, just summarised a whole conversation in a few words, what does come off as a bit lazy. It is a missed opportunity, as you could of had Breakfast Princess explain how Finn is acting, how he has changed, what's he is like now etc. And have Bubblegum constantly counter and deny what she is saying, showing her complete disbelief this was Finn.
Still, despite the above I still really enjoyed this, it has potential.
I hope to see more, this is very good!
1/9/2020 c1 1iwantwhisky
Looks good so far! Excited to see where this goes, haven't been seeing any actually exciting stories so far.
1iwantwhiskyLooks good so far! Excited to see where this goes, haven't been seeing any actually exciting stories so far.