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for A Mew Me: Kuki's Tale

11/11 c5 Mirkon
This story is quite charming. It has a quick pace and even though incomplete I can rest easy it isnt exactly the worst cliffhanger to have jebaited me on this site. Thanks for your contribution and take care!
3/10 c1 2NoAnonymous37
Mew is my favourite pokemon, and I really love the idea of her adopting a human child and treating it as her own. Please keep up the good work.
12/1/2020 c5 Guest
I am not a good critique by any means. I just wanna say it was an enjoyable read. That tackles interesting Ideas. Thank for writing this.
:3
10/11/2020 c5 66An Author's Pen
I've been meaning to check out this story for a while, so I'm glad the stars aligned this way. The story so far was a fun read and I reached the end of chapter five before I knew it.

I'm super into stories that deal with characters who are trying to go against fate/the laws of nature and I didn't realize when I started that Kuki's Tale is one of them! I got really excited when Yveltal turned up and I understood just what was going on with Mew and Kuki. It reminds me a bit of a Terry Pratchett book, Mort, in which a young man becomes Death's apprentice and then attempts to prolong the life of someone fated to die. Obviously, this has consequences. I'm curious to see what the other shoe dropping in this story will look like-Yveltal and Uxie have definitely been giving Mew a lot of warnings (not that she's listened). I liked your depiction of Yveltal-the way you described their voice as this patchwork was very ominous. It evoked the image of a body made from dead parts for me and made me wonder if those scattered voices are voices of the dead. I also appreciated that you didn't really make Yveltal a villain, just a natural antagonist as Mew attempt to subvert the laws of death.

Speaking of Mew, I often see Mew written with a very childish personality, so it's interesting to see a fic where Mew is put into the role of guardian and parent. Not to say that your Mew doesn't retain those childish aspects, but there's definitely a tension created by Mew having to be the "mature" one in the relationship. Certainly, in contrast with Uxie, Mew comes across as somewhat young and brash, despite having lived so long. You've been pretty strong hinting at Mew's tragic previous experience failing to save some one? Lots of some ones? Curious to see what revelation is in store there. It doesn't sound like it ended well-it also doesn't sound like Mew took any lessons from it.

I'm quite curious as to how Mew became Kuki's parent, and how early in her life that happened. Kuki seems attached to human pop culture and to the idea of being human-is the pop culture her only frame of reference, a la the child? The last chapter in particular focuses strongly on the idea that Kuki is losing her humanity. That's a really cool theme to explore, but with the information we have so far, I was left wondering what humanity really means to Kuki. Kuki's main connection to humanity seems to be expressed through her desire to be an actor and make movies. (That actually reminds me of another story I really enjoyed-the movie Brigsby Bear! It's about a boy who is kidnapped and raised in isolation with only a TV show called Brisgby Bear to watch. I'd recommend if you haven't seen it-it's a moving story about the power of fandom to get people through trauma.) But, if Kuki becomes good enough at illusions and whatnot, she could theoretically pass herself off as a human and achieve these kinds of goals on the surface level. I also got the implication that Kuki took on a form like Mew's because she chose to-that the genesis power Mew unwittingly gave Kuki reshaped her according to Kuki's subconscious desire to be like Mew. I'm excited to see how future chapters interrogate the idea that Kuki's not human anymore in a way that gets beyond surface-level. Unlike the child, for example, she hasn't lost her moral compass. What does it really mean for her to lose her humanity?

Some other odds and ends I enjoyed: Uxie hanging out in the library watching Cynthia was a fun cameo and I love the idea of Uxie as a patron saint of libraries, doling out inspiration and helping here and there in little ways to preserve and pass down knowledge. I also liked the distinction that Mew's genesis power doesn't really heal-it creates. She can make things new in only the most literal meaning of that phrase. In that sense her gift of life contains something of death, because it contains an end.

Training sequences can normally be a little boring, but I liked the focus on all the different ways Mew tries to help Kuki learn. I really got a sense of their bond through that. The ending of chapter five was solid and I'm looking forward to what you have in store for this one!
8/13/2020 c4 Kirby-Has-Found-TWO-Guns
For Irony, You posted this on My brother's birthday
8/6/2020 c5 Magainita
This is really good
8/4/2020 c2 3unrepentantAuthor
Hi there, Adam! I've just finished reading the second chapter of this fic, and I have some loosely assembled thoughts. You asked me to comment on narrative structure, prose, dialogue and stuff like that.

I can't say I have strong instincts for narrative structure, but I have two particular observations for this chapter. Firstly, that Kuki's expressed desire is essentially to be able to take on other identities. To transform herself. Although the premise of the story is already known, it still feels like a fun spot of foreshadowing. I find myself wondering how Kuki will take the transformation given that, contrary to my original expectations in the first chapter, it is coming as a response to terminal illness and through a possible sacrifice from Mew (?) as opposed to a form of benign prank by Mew. I'm guessing the tone for her experience post-transformation will be much less playful, gosh.

My second narrative observation is that the transition from innocent joy to mortal crisis is pretty abrupt. Now, I have a thought on this, which I'll offer to you in the hope you find it helpful or at least interesting. In the current continuity of the story, Mew already knows about the leukemia. There's a little flashback in which it's explained to her, and this is the third time she's attempted to postpone Kuki's death. One might suppose that it would be weighing on Mew's mind in chapter one, that it might make Mew the clingy one, if she knew there was a chance Kuki could die any time Mew wasn't present to save her.

Here's a possible alternative — if Kuki's condition comes as a surprise to Mew, who perhaps has been boosting her poor health in a general sense without understanding the severity at hand, then you have an opportunity to deliver Mew's frantic reaction to the news in the same dramatic scene that she fucks up Kuki's healing. Mew learns of the crisis as the reader does. If you do decide to make edits (which you don't have to do by any means, but you do keep mentioning them) then that might be one relatively minor change you could make.

The prose and dialogue this chapter was perfectly alright, with consistent voices for the different characters and good description and character action for me to follow. On a technical level, your proficiency is good. I didn't notice any particular tics or errors. The most I spotted was a typo of "Genger" near the beginning, nothing more. As before, Kuki talks like someone half her age, but to be honest it reads like Mew's parenting style (being incredibly indulgent, sheltering her far more than a reasonable human would) is responsible for her childish lexical register.

It sort of hit me when Mew responds to a bout of pouting with an offer of an ice cream bribe, and is reluctant to have an oven, that she's basically an ignorant child herself with no business raising a human girl. Does Kuki not eat any cooked meals? Holy shit. Never mind the cancer, it's a wonder her diet hasn't killed her already! As much as this explains why Kuki is a teenage infant, it does cast Mew as hugely irresponsible, which isn't a problem so much as it is anxiety-inducing. It does check out that Mew would self-sacrifice for the kid, at least, since her parenting style is so excessively adoring.

I hope you get something useful or reassuring out of the above, and I look forward to reading further in due time. Cheers!
7/23/2020 c5 Kirby-Has-Found-TWO-Guns
GREAT WORK! Continue with the story and the plots! Oh BTW if I could be introduced as a protagonist, brown-haired, Blue-Eyed, (that's not my REAL age, but I chose it via telling siri to choose a number between 10-25 xD), quirky, headstrong, 11 yr/o male* IDC if I'm a pokemon or a human just so long as I'm Introduced, and if I'm not, I'll cry for a few years (that was a joke BTW) and then be completly fine! So If you don't add me I'll still read this story happily until that notorious *Completed* sign appears! (Move backwards 1 key on US keyboard to get the answer)
Please PM me about this (I was previously known as AlexTEM)

See You Soon

~AlexTEM/AlexFics2020
7/23/2020 c5 Want Moar
Moar
7/21/2020 c5 2nightsky489
I'm amazed by the gluttony of mews. they can just eat forever. Imagine just eating from boredom and never getting fat. You did a good job going through the whole thought process of Kuki being able to transform into different pokemon. That ended up being a sizeable part of this chapter. Overall this chapter was just Kuki continuing to hone her new mew abilities. I hope your writing process continues to go smoothly!
7/20/2020 c1 6Zion of Arcadia
Crossposting from TR.

Hey, Adam! I'll be reviewing the first chapter for catnip circle. The opening is very cute, and the ending rather foreboding. I already have some idea of what'll happen since I looked over later chapters, but still, I can't believe you'd even think about being so mean to two sweet little muffins. :(

I really liked how you opened the story with Mew as a leavanny. It's a clever misdirect-honestly, I almost wish you'd run with the misdirect longer, revealing Mew's true nature around the same time the farmer shows up accusing them of stealing. Also felt she appeared very abruptly, speaking as a leavanny and almost creating the sense that she popped into existence then and there. Regardless, it's a solid way to establish Mew's powers as well as their relationship.

The thing I found most interesting was how the relationship is reversed compared to what we often see in Mew stories. Here, Mew has taken up a motherly role for the human, a child named Kuki. Kind of a subtle meta shift and one I'm curious to see more of-I like the idea of using the setup to explore motherhood. A lot of pop culture has written about the protective mother (Joyce from Stranger Things being a well-known example) and sort of push them to see what lengths they take for the sake of their child. Definitely want to see more of how you approach this aspect.

I thought the banter between Mew and Kuki was solid. Even though Mew takes up the role of a parental figure here, there's still something about her speech patterns and actions that feel rooted in whimsical childhood innocence. Like when they're eating the berries together, for example, and Mew 'threatens' to eat all the food because she has a big stomach. I'm not sure if that's Mew humoring Kuki or if they actually share a similar mindset, although I assume that'll become more clear further down the line. Either way, I dig it so far.

My only mild concern from a character perspective is that Kuki might end up leaning too hard into the idea of the 'pure, innocent child' archetype. I don't think it matters too much for an opening chapter, but it is something to keep an eye on in the future. Children are messy and experience complex emotions, they just haven't developed the means to necessarily understand those emotions like an adult can.

Hope the Lotus Prince becomes a recurring motif in the story. Think there's a lot of potential to draw parallels between what's happening in the real world and what's happening in the show. Grounding that in the kite and making it a focal point of the chapter was smart, as it gives the characters something to do together. Plus it's just... pleasant. That's my overall perception of this chapter. Pleasant. Except for the end. Seems like foreshadowing that bad things, they are a-coming. Protect Kuki at all costs. :(

Hmm, thoughts on prose. Some of the dialogue could've been streamlined; there were some unnecessary dialogue tags and even actions that could've been cut to just let the dialogue stand on its own. Especially since there are only two characters talking for a majority of the chapter.

Sometimes your prose is a touch repetitive. An example:

Adamhuarts said:
When Kuki turned her gaze, she saw a pink light orb facing her. She squinted her eyes at it, tilting her head and wondering what it was. She felt a familiar warmth, drawing her closer to it. When she touched it, it dissolved into her body, making her body radiate a pink glow.

This is all being filtered through Kuki's consciousness (she turned, she saw, she felt, etc.). By varying the subject of the sentence-which is certainly possible even if you're strictly keeping to Kuki's pov-you can inject more variety into the sentences themselves. Did a quick re-write to demonstrate what I mean:

A pink orb faced her. What could it be? A familiar warmth radiated from it, and as Kuki reached out with a hand, it dissolved, the warm light spreading across her body.

That's about all I have to say. Thanks for the read! And have a good day. :)
7/19/2020 c4 10kintsugii
[realized how smallher current form]
oop

[hovering the Oran into Kuki's paes.]
also oop

[“Uh Huh.]
I don't think this should be capitalized?

[“Okay!”
Kuki brushed her tail against the grass,]
gap here

[Can she even still become a star? Did she even have to now that she's just like Mew?]
tense change here

[Mew must've found only the ripest ones for her.]
I! Still! Love these little details. Very fun, very sweet.

[Kuki gasped and pressed her paws against the wall of the bubble. It felt smooth and elastic. “Whoa! I haven’t been in one of your bubbles since I was like… five! I’ve missed this so much!”]
Love this idea!

['Here's what we're gonna do. I’m going to lift you up a bit and then let go. When I do that, you’re going to make yourself float by yourself, okay?’]
parent of the year, ladies and gentlemen

I think this chapter makes for a good breather episode. There's a lot that happened last chapter, so it's important to give your characters time to decompress. I think having the framing device of Kuki learning how to levitate makes for a really clever action plot while the rest of the stuff goes on in the background.

I wish we got to know a bit more about how everyone's feeling, though! There's a lot of physical reactions early on that make Kuki feel like a newborn to me - she's flopping around, she can barely walk, her only real response is to scream/cry, and I thought that was a really interesting direction to take this reincarnation/rebirth thing. But it's a little tricky to get a gauge for how she feels by the end of things - she's able to talk and understand stuff more clearly, but what are her thoughts on this situation? How does she feel? By the end there's a hint of how she may or may not be able to live her human life after this, but it'd be nice to have more of that throughout. I think there's a lot of room for conflict between Mew's "this is fine/everything is fine" mood, and I'm excited to see that unfold, but I do wish we got to spend a bit more time in Kuki's head.

Small detail! Mew and Uxie speak with ' and Kuki speaks with ". Is she not telepathy-ing, but actually talking? Can Mew (the species) talk normally? Is there a reason why OG Mew doesn't do that?
7/19/2020 c3 kintsugii
[She always kept her help subtle to divert suspicion, and they would just go home thinking the rumored fairy had helped them.]
This phrasing here confused me a little, since it looks like she's trying to make sure that no one thinks it's her, but everyone thinks it's "the rumored fairy" (which I interpreted as Uxie).

[After wearing back her funny looking green hat, she made her way for the library’s exit.]
Not sure what "wearing back" means in this context, but also - is this Bianca? Curious to see what she's doing here.

[‘But then… how… Mew got less sick whenever I used it on her. How do you explain that?’]
oopsie I think you wanted "Kuki got less sick" here

[Another half a year went by, but every new day Mew had to wait felt agonizingly slow.]
The passage of time in fic is really hard! I don't really have any foolproof advice, but this chapter's timeline is a little hard to follow. Like logically it *makes* perfect sense, but the feel of it is wrong - the timeskip in the middle makes it strange to me, I think.

You do this really interesting thing in your chapters so far where there's basically two distinct chapters appended together. In the previous chapter, it was the lightheartedness of the play and then the grim reality of Kuki dying; in this one, it's Uxie and the library (cool setting btw) and then Kuki being reborn. For me the previous chapter worked for the same reason that this one felt strange - in the last chapter, you really benefitted from having a sudden, dramatic change in the plot because it really felt like things got worse out of nowhere. But in this chapter, you almost *don't* want that, becaus you want to convey the feeling of things being the same for a very long time.

I also think this would be a really interesting time to dive in to Mew's, well, existence! Six months doesn't really seem like it'd be all that long for her, since she's been around since pretty much the end of time. She definitely has mixed feelings~~ about godhood vs humanity, but I feel like she wouldn't treat the passage of time the same as you or I would, since she's seen so much more of it. One of the really neat things about pokemorph fics is how they offer an avenue to, like, dig into what it means to be *human* and such - which means that your non-human characters, and your semi-human characters, are really interesting.

Also! I like how you callback to all of the places Mew and Kuki used to play in the "come out pls" section, but it also sort of gives a shorter impression of time passing. Paradoxically, it makes the relationship feel [i]more[/i] shallow, since it gives the sense that the only things that Mew/Kuki did together are the things that we've seen onscreen. I think this moment is really well-done and personal, but I would've loved more references to games they've played/things they've done outside of what was already shown, as that would make it feel like there's a whole relationship that bloomed and died here!

I love the lore that you have here though - the fusion of human and pokemon souls! what happens to make us human? Mew and Uxie definitely behave very human-like in this world, so I'm very curious to see how you'll use Kuki to explore that divide.
7/19/2020 c2 kintsugii
crossposting 2: revenge of the crosspost!

[So, you’ve made it this far, Explorer of Stuff and Things?’ Lord Genger said with a laugh.]
hi yes remember the time I said I would read an entire fic like this? I am so glad there is more of this.
accidentally'd a 'Genger' here

[‘Don’t be fooled. I have the high ground!’]
It's an older meme, sir, but it checks out.

[Mew Did the same, running at the girl with a grin. The two ran past each other as silence dawned upon them.]
Random capitalization here on 'did'. I also don't know if "silence dawned upon them" is the right phrase that you want here - I feel like you're going for the anime sillhouette/slice look, but that doesn't quite translate to text as cleanly.

[“Of course, but you have to work hard for it. Everyone can change, and so can you!”]
AMAZING.
also I'm in this picture and I don't like it.

[It sounds fun, but I know I’m clumsy sometimes, so, if an oven is really dangerous, it’s fine if we don’t get it.]
This is a remarkably mature statement for such a young child, haha.

[However, the more Mew used genesis on Kuki, the faster the cracks grew and spread. By the time Mew realized that, it was already too late, and Kuki’s body began to disintegrate into white dust.]
OH NO.

I really like the use of the Gengar play as a narrative device here. It's cute, it made me smile, it set up for the idea that blind optimism/shonen cries of "for love and friendship!" aren't going to work out here. It's a really effective intro that contrasts wonderfully with the "well that escalated quickly" mood of the second half of the chapter.

I think your characterization of Mew and Kuki this time around is a lot more powerful, too. Their interactions feel a lot more earned - less like a teacher/student and more like a parent/child, which again makes the segue into the proper plot a lot more impactful.

I'm a bit torn on my thoughts on the first half vs second half of this chapter. On one hand I think it's a really effective gut-punch to go from everything being amazing to Kuki getting Thanos'd; it sort of mirrors the cruelty of real life. On the other hand, in order for you to pull this off in this way, you have to drop a lot of exposition and new topics all at once, in an already emotionally-charged scene - this ends up detracting from the emotions, I think. It's hard to process that Kuki is in real peril because the narrative focus becomes a bit jumbled: first we have to introduce Yveltal and their role in the pantheon as the collector, then we have to establish Kuki's cancer via flashback, then we have to show how Mew's (mis)use of genesis has been keeping her alive. The end result is that the emotional weight here gets buried because so much backstory has to get conveyed; you put the cart before the horse, so to speak. Instead of building up to a tragedy, it feels like you dangle the idea of a tragedy and then build backward to it, and then by the very end of the chapter we have to build forward again - a little harder to follow.

Still. I really love the extra steps you've taken to show Mew and Kuki doing normal fun things and being normal fun people. Definitely didn't expect the Dying to happen this soon, and when it started happening I had a big "oh shit" moment, so I think you captured those emotions really well!

After sitting there for a long moment, she decided she needed to pay Uxie a visit.
This seems new? From the old draft? Curious to read on.
7/19/2020 c1 kintsugii
Ah! Hello again! Glad that this story is still continuing in some fashion!

[‘You have to eat a lot if you want to get big and strong, don’t you?’ the pokemon said, its body glowing white for a few seconds as its body shrank. ‘That’s why we need every single one of them.’

“I guess… but you always eat most of them anyway, Mew,” Kuki replied with a pout.]
I'm a bit torn on this character introduction for Mew - on the one hand, I'm a huge sucker for subtle character introductions instead of spelling out every detail of this new character's life. But on the other hand, I definitely didn't pick up on the fact that the leavanny was also Mew, even knowing what direction the fic was going in - I think for me it's because I didn't link "body glowing white" and "body shrank" as "transform", but that really might've just been me!

[“Tibbles, pin her down!”]
This seems like a really mean overreaction to a small child - herdier are big!

[Mew said, smiling softly.]
I'm not sure if "softly" is the right word here? To me it mostly implies volume/audibility.

Otherwise, I really dig this as a first chapter! I don't know what major structural changes you'll be making, but I do agree with your call to let some of the preliminary action take backstage and to have the intro focus primarily on Mew/Kuki's relationship - this seems to be one of the central threads of the story (and also it's really cute). Definitely some stuff going on under the hood with the dream sequence, but those are all bad things that are out in the future and totally won't be issues any time soon! :')

As always, I really dig the slice-of-life Mew/Kuki hangouts. These feel similar to your first iteration but with a bit more flavor, and they're lovely and cute as always!

I heard from a bird that this is secretly going to end up being a pokemorph fic - absolutely looking forward to seeing where this ends up going in the flesh!
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