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for Escaping the Demon's Eye

8/2 c1 Guest
WOW fan fic author "mr grimjaw" wrote a fantastic sotry titled "lives in slavery" that really depicts the harshness of racism in our culture! If you support #blacklivesmatter then check i.t out!

I must say it is better then this sotry by QUITE a bit! Maybe stop by and leave a review too but dont h8!
7/15 c1 Guest
2/10 c1 132rebecca-in-blue
Hi, here from review tag and fandom-blind for both. I found the opening of this story fairly hard to get into. I think it hurts the story that for the opening, we're told descriptions, rather than shown a scene. There are also some SPaG typos throughout this story, but they seem especially prevalent in the opening paragraph, mainly in the form of missing commas and run-on sentences. For example, "on reality{,} unable to" and "change anything{,} only to"

Plot-wise, I think there's a lot of angst and violence in this story, to the degree that it could be toned down some. A lot of the first half of it was Homura being physically and/or verbally abusive to Kyubey, to a degree that felt slow/repetitive to read. Throwing him against the wall, stomping on him, etc. gets to feel like a bit too much (and I think trigger warnings about the content are worth considering).

The introduction of the injured cat and the little girl feel like the first part of the story that's not about Kyubey's long-suffering life, and for that reason, I would suggest moving it up in the story. Although I think the writing there could be a little clearer; the sentence with "the entire area spontaneously combusted" especially confused me. It can be hard to lay foundation about magical powers in a supernatural/fantasy fandom, but try to keep in mind that fandom-blind readers aren't familiar with any of this.

The switch to the Warriors fandom (I think?) at the end felt pretty sudden and abrupt, almost like it came from a different story. I still can't really tell if Cinderpaw is the same injured cat that Kyubey found/took the form of. I think it might have been better here if you had just shown the fire from Cinderpaw's perspective, rather than also introduce a new subplot about her being betrayed by Yellowfang and the others. This feels like a lot of characters to keep track of in one chapter.
1/28 c1 Guest
What are you like mod or something cause your a fucking asshole to other people

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