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for Heir of the artificial Gamer system

2/18/2020 c2 JackWhitenight
Press F to pay respect Orgasmo
2/15/2020 c7 1metaltilldeath666
I like how you added the training chapter to show how he gained his power and its funny seeing him on a power trip. My only issue is him being to out there with his power. Hoping to see him keep some in reserve to trip people up otherwise its just a cliche power tripping villian in the making which can be boring. Its why I like the Gamers Guide to Necromancy by Shiro over his first. It showed his growth and his plans while not making him a god pretty much out the gate. Makes for a more interesting story for me but still enjoying it. Prolly shouldn't have him going around tell people info he shouldn't know or it will make him a target to quickly. Other KEEP IT UP!
2/15/2020 c7 Acqua OfThe Back
Estuvo bien, pero supongo que al escribir el capítulo después no se puede evitar que se sienta un poco inconsistente con el siguiente, si, mencionas que estuvo en el bosque al comienzo del 6, pero aun así es como se siente.

De todos modos gracias por el capítulo.
2/15/2020 c5 nyanodesu
Well, this chapter was a lot better than your previous ones grammar-wise, but it still had a few of the same problems. Some run-on sentences, improper use of punctuation, and improper use of capitalization. "Well, there's really not much for me to do right now, It'll take me atleast a day to heal fully even with my insane regeneration, My regeneration with the gamer system is truly insane, but right now the gamer system has temporarily left me for some unknown reason, so I'm back to pretty much baseline levels of regeneration…" If you replaced some of the commas with full stops, this sentence wouldn't be a run-on sentence with improper capitalization like it currently is. "Well, there's really not much for me to do right now. It'll take me at least a day to heal fully even with my insane regeneration. My regeneration with the gamer system is truly insane, but right now the gamer system has temporarily left me for some unknown reason, so I'm back to pretty much baseline levels of regeneration…" I don't know if it's a typo, but it's a bit annoying to see capital letters after a comma. You should re-read your chapters at least twice before posting so you can catch all those typos. You mix up commas and full stops way too frequently. Be sure to also remember to always capitalize names. I also don't really understand why you're temporarily removing the 'Gamer' system and trying to futilely nerf the mc. I mean, we all know he's going to get super op because of the 'Gamer' system anyway, but it doesn't have to be a negative thing if you do it right. Anyways, I can see that you're improving, and that's really what matters the most.
2/15/2020 c7 Allhailthesith
Didn't you already post this chapter
2/14/2020 c6 Super98
2/12/2020 c4 2WeirdGuyOne
Issei dying?

He has plot armor, he's immune.
2/12/2020 c1 nyanodesu
Well, the first chapter was slightly cringy, but I've read things that are more cringe. "(Pogs if you're a member of the female species)"... please no. Stop it, get some help. I don't recommend including 4th wall breaks. When they're done well, they're alright, but if they're done badly, they can almost ruin a chapter. It's just not a worthwhile tradeoff. The grammar is passable. Though I would like it if you could pay more attention to sentence structure and punctuation. Some of your sentences go on for way too long, and a lot of them have commas in all the wrong places. It makes the pacing feel really off, and the chapter is a bit hard to read because of it.
2/11/2020 c6 9sd74
Practice summon if possible? Probably get a dimension/gate traveler summon.
2/11/2020 c4 sd74
So, Elfen Lied.
2/11/2020 c6 Acqua OfThe Back
1. Gracias por el capítulo.
2. Salta los 7 días.
3. Que Akeno pague.
2/11/2020 c6 Nayrcon
thanks for the chapter~
2/11/2020 c6 Guest
So you've pretty much given up trying to write a competent story at this point. That's unfortunate. Was hoping for something new here but I know it's too late for that. I guess this story will just be another dime a dozen you see on this website. Uninspiring and unoriginal with nothing vapid to offer.

It is your story and you are free to write it how you want. I wish you luck with future chapters, but this is where I'll be dropping it. If you want my advice, don't give up after writing two or three chapters and decide to cram twenty chapters into one. I've seen so many OP MC stories, and as much as I enjoy them, I can only read so many that are unearned and boring.

If you think writing something like that is too hard, then please reconsider how you write the first few chapters. I was lead to believe this story would be long or at least have the MC take some time before getting OP, but at this rate I doubt it will last twenty chapters and if it does, it's because you decided to have him go to five other worlds to mess around doing nothing important.

Again, good luck with future chapters. I'm sure there are other people who won't mind as much as me and enjoy the story.
2/10/2020 c5 JustAShadow4
I'm a fan of the 3rd person viewpoints just keep it up
2/10/2020 c5 ChaoticSlayer342
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