for Song of A Northern Sorcerer5/22 c34 Guest
pour quoi nox acervie pas grace au coter obscure la reine et et jofrey le prince avec sa plus de problème, c est lequivalant de l imperium dans harry potter,les sits sont pafaitement capabele de faire sa .sa et qui vaut a priver de l ibrarbitre et d etres conplettent sous l emprise du sits, au pire il pourait utilliser le coter obscure pour la rendre fole au point qu elle se sucide ou qulle devienne un legume mais c est un peut radicale
pour quoi nox acervie pas grace au coter obscure la reine et et jofrey le prince avec sa plus de problème, c est lequivalant de l imperium dans harry potter,les sits sont pafaitement capabele de faire sa .sa et qui vaut a priver de l ibrarbitre et d etres conplettent sous l emprise du sits, au pire il pourait utilliser le coter obscure pour la rendre fole au point qu elle se sucide ou qulle devienne un legume mais c est un peut radicale
5/22 c33 Guest
la tuberculose n est pas incurable il faut des antibiotique .le pouvoire de la forc peut guerrire les virus et autre malladies .
la tuberculose n est pas incurable il faut des antibiotique .le pouvoire de la forc peut guerrire les virus et autre malladies .
5/22 c46 ironspike68
Arrgghhhh! The cliff hanger! What an awesome chapter! Very effective use of their Force abilities in this chapter. Really just loving this story.
Spike
Arrgghhhh! The cliff hanger! What an awesome chapter! Very effective use of their Force abilities in this chapter. Really just loving this story.
Spike
5/22 c46 Guest
Please send more chapters this is too good to stop now! A major battle is about to occur and you not sending the next chapter out is killing me!
Please send more chapters this is too good to stop now! A major battle is about to occur and you not sending the next chapter out is killing me!
5/21 c30 Guest
le beskare n est pas naturelle et il peut etres pèrcer par un sabre laser .nox est capable de percvoire tous les compleaux par tous sur la planète saufe dans le nord du mur ou sont les marcheur blanc mais etans donner que nox est sits xetrement puissant sant parler qu il utilise les deux coter de la forc avec le coter obscur il devrait pouvoire pèrcer le camouflage des marchedur blanc par ce aqu il utillise le coter obcure,et je conprend pas pour quoi il nutilise pas l achimie des sits tu peut maudifier tout créature vivant ou créer des subtance an tous genr j ai hate des prochain chapitres
le beskare n est pas naturelle et il peut etres pèrcer par un sabre laser .nox est capable de percvoire tous les compleaux par tous sur la planète saufe dans le nord du mur ou sont les marcheur blanc mais etans donner que nox est sits xetrement puissant sant parler qu il utilise les deux coter de la forc avec le coter obscur il devrait pouvoire pèrcer le camouflage des marchedur blanc par ce aqu il utillise le coter obcure,et je conprend pas pour quoi il nutilise pas l achimie des sits tu peut maudifier tout créature vivant ou créer des subtance an tous genr j ai hate des prochain chapitres
5/15 c19 Guest
avec la forc tu peut manipuler le feux et mem les elemment.l histoire et les infomation que détient l empire sits n est pas des megaoctec n y des giga ou des peta meme pas des exaoctec cette echelle est obcelette,a laur la tour des mestres ce n est rien conparer aux savoir de l empire sits .t on histoire est exellente je est hate pour les prochain chapitres 47 et la suit
avec la forc tu peut manipuler le feux et mem les elemment.l histoire et les infomation que détient l empire sits n est pas des megaoctec n y des giga ou des peta meme pas des exaoctec cette echelle est obcelette,a laur la tour des mestres ce n est rien conparer aux savoir de l empire sits .t on histoire est exellente je est hate pour les prochain chapitres 47 et la suit
5/14 c46 Guest
When dragons belch and hippos flee
My thoughts, Ankh-Morpork, are of thee
Let others boast of martial dash
For we have boldly fought with cash
We own all your helmets, we own all your shoes
We own all your generals - touch us and you'll lose.
Morporkia! Morporkia!
Morporkia owns the day!
We can rule you wholesale
Touch us and you'll pay.
We bankrupt all invaders, we sell them souvenirs
We ner ner ner ner ner, hner ner hner by the ears
Er hner we sing ner ner ner ner
Ner ner her ner ner ner hner the ner
Er ner ner hner ner, nher hner ner ner
Ner hner ner, your gleaming swords
We mortgaged to the hilt
Morporkia! Morporkia!
Hner ner ner ner ner ner
We can rule you wholesale
Credit where it's due.
When dragons belch and hippos flee
My thoughts, Ankh-Morpork, are of thee
Let others boast of martial dash
For we have boldly fought with cash
We own all your helmets, we own all your shoes
We own all your generals - touch us and you'll lose.
Morporkia! Morporkia!
Morporkia owns the day!
We can rule you wholesale
Touch us and you'll pay.
We bankrupt all invaders, we sell them souvenirs
We ner ner ner ner ner, hner ner hner by the ears
Er hner we sing ner ner ner ner
Ner ner her ner ner ner hner the ner
Er ner ner hner ner, nher hner ner ner
Ner hner ner, your gleaming swords
We mortgaged to the hilt
Morporkia! Morporkia!
Hner ner ner ner ner ner
We can rule you wholesale
Credit where it's due.
5/8 c46 
3dragoongfa
Having binged the entire story the past week I have to say that I am pleasantly impressed with everything so far and can't wait for more.
If I had one complaint of the story overall it would be that the technological 'uplifting' of the North is botched, not intentionally but still botched. Trying to make a railway before achieving steam power and creating ball bearings is like trying to teach a toddler to run a marathon while it still struggles to crawl. However it is believable that a Sith Lord that came from a society so far ahead in the technological curve would not know how the technological development of everything started, progressed and was implemented into a final product.
Alim knows what trains are but doesn't know much of anything about how they work and how everything different piece of technology comes together to make a functioning train. I love seeing this reality showcased somewhat in the story as the College of Winterfell has been working on this project for years at this point of time but by the looks of it they have still to crack everything despite Alim's assistance and guidance. Quite a believable hurdle to pass but when the technology is nailed down the world of Planetos will change forever.
For the current chapter I find it 'odd' in a way that no one in the South has thought of the literal weapon of mass destruction that the North has in its arsenal by the way of their cure for Greyscale. All things considered the North has no reason not to weaponize this disease against the South and just watch everything unravel behind the safety of Moat Calin.
Hell, make the outbreak big enough and one could even end up with the full eradication of the faith of the Seven in a matter of years because the whole mess started right after the Exalted March started against the very people who have the cure.
Now, the North would never use such a weapon, not because of a sense of honor, but because they need a united Westeros against the White Walkers but any strategic thinker in the South with a ruthless enough mind should have thought about how the North would respond in a life or death war against the South now that they have overcome the danger of Greyscale.
3dragoongfaHaving binged the entire story the past week I have to say that I am pleasantly impressed with everything so far and can't wait for more.
If I had one complaint of the story overall it would be that the technological 'uplifting' of the North is botched, not intentionally but still botched. Trying to make a railway before achieving steam power and creating ball bearings is like trying to teach a toddler to run a marathon while it still struggles to crawl. However it is believable that a Sith Lord that came from a society so far ahead in the technological curve would not know how the technological development of everything started, progressed and was implemented into a final product.
Alim knows what trains are but doesn't know much of anything about how they work and how everything different piece of technology comes together to make a functioning train. I love seeing this reality showcased somewhat in the story as the College of Winterfell has been working on this project for years at this point of time but by the looks of it they have still to crack everything despite Alim's assistance and guidance. Quite a believable hurdle to pass but when the technology is nailed down the world of Planetos will change forever.
For the current chapter I find it 'odd' in a way that no one in the South has thought of the literal weapon of mass destruction that the North has in its arsenal by the way of their cure for Greyscale. All things considered the North has no reason not to weaponize this disease against the South and just watch everything unravel behind the safety of Moat Calin.
Hell, make the outbreak big enough and one could even end up with the full eradication of the faith of the Seven in a matter of years because the whole mess started right after the Exalted March started against the very people who have the cure.
Now, the North would never use such a weapon, not because of a sense of honor, but because they need a united Westeros against the White Walkers but any strategic thinker in the South with a ruthless enough mind should have thought about how the North would respond in a life or death war against the South now that they have overcome the danger of Greyscale.
5/7 c5 Guest
Nox still talks so much, it really is detrimental to the quality of scenes tbh. The line between ‘cool’ and ‘cringe’ is whether the actions are necessary or are furthering a goal beyond just seeming cool. Nox talking and commenting on the enemies’ lack of proper fighting ability is completely unnecessary, considering he’s likely going to kill them all.
In one scene he said he wouldn’t waste his breath on dead men, then proceeds to fill multiple paragraphs in monologues as he fights, then attacks the keep while talking some more in this chapter. If Nox is the pov, most of what he says could (and in my opinion, should) be in the author’s voice. That way we understand his thoughts and reasoning for what he’s doing without him having to explain it to some random people.
I mean, imagine that iconic scene of Darth Vader entering the hallway full of Rebels and slaughtering them all, his mechanical breathing the only identifying sound. Now imagine Vader’s robotic voice lecturing the rebels on their lackluster tactical formation as he cuts through them all. Doesn’t seem as cool, does it?
A good rule of thumb is that, if you catch your characters in a conversation and they’re speaking uninterrupted (by either another character or the author’s voice informing us about inner thoughts or the surroundings/positioning of the scene) for more than one paragraph maximum, it’s too much to be natural.
In short: A person speaks the summary of their thoughts, not the whole thoughts themselves. To voice every logical and reasoned line of thought for everything you think wouldn’t be sustainable in a real conversation.
Nox still talks so much, it really is detrimental to the quality of scenes tbh. The line between ‘cool’ and ‘cringe’ is whether the actions are necessary or are furthering a goal beyond just seeming cool. Nox talking and commenting on the enemies’ lack of proper fighting ability is completely unnecessary, considering he’s likely going to kill them all.
In one scene he said he wouldn’t waste his breath on dead men, then proceeds to fill multiple paragraphs in monologues as he fights, then attacks the keep while talking some more in this chapter. If Nox is the pov, most of what he says could (and in my opinion, should) be in the author’s voice. That way we understand his thoughts and reasoning for what he’s doing without him having to explain it to some random people.
I mean, imagine that iconic scene of Darth Vader entering the hallway full of Rebels and slaughtering them all, his mechanical breathing the only identifying sound. Now imagine Vader’s robotic voice lecturing the rebels on their lackluster tactical formation as he cuts through them all. Doesn’t seem as cool, does it?
A good rule of thumb is that, if you catch your characters in a conversation and they’re speaking uninterrupted (by either another character or the author’s voice informing us about inner thoughts or the surroundings/positioning of the scene) for more than one paragraph maximum, it’s too much to be natural.
In short: A person speaks the summary of their thoughts, not the whole thoughts themselves. To voice every logical and reasoned line of thought for everything you think wouldn’t be sustainable in a real conversation.
5/5 c46 kitain9
First I love this story and alway am looking forward to the next chapter. But one problem i noticed at the end of this chapter. Wouldnt the explosion from the black power also have destroyed the bridge it was on leaving Robb's army no way to cross to enter the destoryed portcullis?
First I love this story and alway am looking forward to the next chapter. But one problem i noticed at the end of this chapter. Wouldnt the explosion from the black power also have destroyed the bridge it was on leaving Robb's army no way to cross to enter the destoryed portcullis?
5/5 c4 Guest
Nox talks waaaaaaay too much in a battle. It just isn’t cool for a Darth to run his mouth; keeping his words more sparse would be a lot more intimidating.
That goes for most interactions too. People talk way too much for what they’re actually saying. The way they talk isn’t how a human would talk, but how they’d write. They say ‘my lord’ or each others’ titles a bit more than would be appropriate or normal, especially in the North where there is less emphasis on court culture, unlike the South.
Also, sometimes it feels like what could’ve been thought is said, and what is thought could’ve been conferred in the third person/narrator’s voice. These things make the interactions seem more artificial than they should, though the intended meaning and set-up of the scenes are great.
I imagine these issues will be more reduced or even resolved the further along this story goes, so perhaps a minor rewrite is in order for the earlier chapters? Not the plot per se, but I imagine the story would benefit a lot from a more streamlined introduction, rather than its current form.
Nox talks waaaaaaay too much in a battle. It just isn’t cool for a Darth to run his mouth; keeping his words more sparse would be a lot more intimidating.
That goes for most interactions too. People talk way too much for what they’re actually saying. The way they talk isn’t how a human would talk, but how they’d write. They say ‘my lord’ or each others’ titles a bit more than would be appropriate or normal, especially in the North where there is less emphasis on court culture, unlike the South.
Also, sometimes it feels like what could’ve been thought is said, and what is thought could’ve been conferred in the third person/narrator’s voice. These things make the interactions seem more artificial than they should, though the intended meaning and set-up of the scenes are great.
I imagine these issues will be more reduced or even resolved the further along this story goes, so perhaps a minor rewrite is in order for the earlier chapters? Not the plot per se, but I imagine the story would benefit a lot from a more streamlined introduction, rather than its current form.
5/5 c3 Guest
Why is it that people have their protagonist OC-inserts romantically engaged with other OC-inserts instead of, y’know, characters from the setting itself? Those are the characters we know; they are who we’re interested in when it comes to the protagonist interacting with them.
With an OC romantic interest you have to build our image of them from the ground up, which takes a lot of time and work. Time and work that’s not spent letting the protagonist interact with the setting we’re here for. That’s not even mentioning that an OC romantic love interest is a gamble, because if such a character isn’t written in greater quality to the setting’s characters, it’ll make them a net-negative in narrative worth to the overall story (why invest time in introducing another new character if they are only equal or even worse than their canon counterparts?).
I feel like this move is so commonly made by fanfiction writers because they’re uncertain of their ability to write a convincing romantic sub-plot between their OC-protagonist and an already established character. I find that to be… counterproductive, when true. After all, if they’re uncertain in their ability to faithfully portray canon characters as themselves in new (emotionally charged and complex) situations, then seeking refuge in the introduction of a blank slate only opens the way to more problems later on when they have to factor in that new character’s relationships into the plot too. It’s a way to grant more literary freedom for the author short-term, but doesn’t solve the underlying issue.
It’s generally also a bit of a bait’n’switch to just make your protagonist not romantically interact with a canon character in favor of an entirely new one. That’s not what the reader initially came for, since it’d be expected that if there ever was a romantic sub-plot it’d involve at least one character of the canon cast.
Also, wouldn’t Nyra already be married if she’d flowered several years before? Perhaps for common folk the need to marry seems less pressing than for the nobility, but it should still very much be expected in such a society, especially for a woman. A maid would probably be married to another person that works at the castle or locally, no?
Finally, as a funny aside, Darth Nox being willing to kill for that library, as any Sith, doesn’t say much tbh. The average Sith would be willing to kill if it’d meant you’d pass them the table salt, so to speak lol.
Why is it that people have their protagonist OC-inserts romantically engaged with other OC-inserts instead of, y’know, characters from the setting itself? Those are the characters we know; they are who we’re interested in when it comes to the protagonist interacting with them.
With an OC romantic interest you have to build our image of them from the ground up, which takes a lot of time and work. Time and work that’s not spent letting the protagonist interact with the setting we’re here for. That’s not even mentioning that an OC romantic love interest is a gamble, because if such a character isn’t written in greater quality to the setting’s characters, it’ll make them a net-negative in narrative worth to the overall story (why invest time in introducing another new character if they are only equal or even worse than their canon counterparts?).
I feel like this move is so commonly made by fanfiction writers because they’re uncertain of their ability to write a convincing romantic sub-plot between their OC-protagonist and an already established character. I find that to be… counterproductive, when true. After all, if they’re uncertain in their ability to faithfully portray canon characters as themselves in new (emotionally charged and complex) situations, then seeking refuge in the introduction of a blank slate only opens the way to more problems later on when they have to factor in that new character’s relationships into the plot too. It’s a way to grant more literary freedom for the author short-term, but doesn’t solve the underlying issue.
It’s generally also a bit of a bait’n’switch to just make your protagonist not romantically interact with a canon character in favor of an entirely new one. That’s not what the reader initially came for, since it’d be expected that if there ever was a romantic sub-plot it’d involve at least one character of the canon cast.
Also, wouldn’t Nyra already be married if she’d flowered several years before? Perhaps for common folk the need to marry seems less pressing than for the nobility, but it should still very much be expected in such a society, especially for a woman. A maid would probably be married to another person that works at the castle or locally, no?
Finally, as a funny aside, Darth Nox being willing to kill for that library, as any Sith, doesn’t say much tbh. The average Sith would be willing to kill if it’d meant you’d pass them the table salt, so to speak lol.
5/5 c2 Guest
It’s laughable to assume a Darth would be ‘amazed’ by a medieval defensive structure, even one such as Winterfell. The Force aspect of it, sure, that’s believable. But amazement at the strategic way it’s constructed? For a man from space, who has witnessed countless civilizations more advanced, and visited structures built for the purpose of withstanding the brutality of galactic warfare? Please, even Casterly Rock would merely be a curiosity for such a man. Amazing only relative to the technologically inferior world it stands upon.
It’s laughable to assume a Darth would be ‘amazed’ by a medieval defensive structure, even one such as Winterfell. The Force aspect of it, sure, that’s believable. But amazement at the strategic way it’s constructed? For a man from space, who has witnessed countless civilizations more advanced, and visited structures built for the purpose of withstanding the brutality of galactic warfare? Please, even Casterly Rock would merely be a curiosity for such a man. Amazing only relative to the technologically inferior world it stands upon.