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for A Runt Named Raditz

12/31/2021 c11 10degenerate.otaku
Yay a new chapter! Sorry for not reading sooner lol.
I really like how you name the things and characters they all sound so unique and wonderfully alien/fantasy-like. I hope the Saiyans can get out of this messy situation in one piece too
12/23/2021 c11 28daughterofrisingsun
Glad to see you updating again! All of the Saiyans are certainly in a real pickle! Can't wait for the next chapter!
11/1/2020 c10 10degenerate.otaku
Everyone is such a snake lmao
I liked how Raditz was trying so hard to protect Kakarot and bebe Kakarot is adorable
I sense a spicy bit of romance between Zorn and KalabryleaI hope the Saiyans get out of the situation and Tora gets it if he did indeed plan this
10/18/2020 c10 28daughterofrisingsun
Wow! The situations in this tale have certainly gotten more complicated. Zorn better be careful he doesn't bite off more than he can chew so to speak.
Tora-WHAT were you THINKING? I have the feeling that later everyone is going to line up and beat the kuso out of him first chance they get.
Going to be interesting to see how long Raditz's disguise holds up. Looking forward to the next chapter!
10/17/2020 c10 16Becky L. Sly
Wait... Tora planned the whole thing? OMG! I understand that he wanted to help his comrade, but that was extreme! LOL Also, I'm fearing for Raditz, something seems pretty odd about his arrival at the new planet! I loved Kakarot's attempts of trying to help his older brother, I almost believed he was going to break through the pod! I liked Zoron here, and I think he's feelings towards Kalabrylea are true! I was fearing that maybe his advances would be too much for King Vegeta, but I was surprised to see how chilled he dealt with the whole situation! LOL I can't wait to see what's coming next!
8/14/2020 c9 Becky L. Sly
As I began to read the chapter, I was like: "Oh, no! Gine, shut up!" LOL That scene was so intense, it got anxious here! However, I do have to say that the scene where Bardock just literally dropped the sachet into Kakarot's pod without even opening got me laughing a lot. Bardock is such a savage! Hahaha. The end was definitely a twist in the story! I can't wait to read more and understand what had just happened!
8/14/2020 c9 AvidDragonballReader7
Hmm, I think Gine should have kept her mouth shut, but I guess spilling the truth early would be better than having the truth revealed too late, which could bring heavy and dire consequences.

When they kissed, I was worried about the bad breath. Good thing Rendo had started eating mints.

I can't with Zorn. Lmao, he cleaned himself to impress at a wrong time!

Bardock turned out to be lucky after all lol. The fight with the Lupines was certainly interesting, and they got me curious. I kinda like them, the idea I mean. I wonder why they attacked, and what their back stories are.
8/14/2020 c8 AvidDragonballReader7
Queen Vasenya is, how should I say it, complex, so to speak. One second, I understand her; and then next thing I know, I don't. You totally have a knack of talent for characterization as I've observed. Even from Chapter 1, I never, ever, even considered their actions forced. But this . . . I don't know. I mean, I'm already in the eight chapter, so it'd be preposterous to say that this was unnatural and forced. Perhaps you have a deeper knowledge on the human psyche? Whatever it is, I can clearly see how well written she is. She isn't just a simple character with simple needs and goals. She's complex!

I think I ship Kalabrylea and Zorn lol. I know I said I don't do hetero, but the story made me wanna ship them.

I kinda am ambivalent about Nappa's vengeance. He did it at the wrong place at a wrong time. It didn't seem, you know, deserved. I mean, why did it take him so long to do it? Why now when the perpetrator already (I assume) has a family on his own? Did I miss something?
8/13/2020 c7 AvidDragonballReader7
This suddenly took an unexpected turn. I was suspecting that her birthmark screamed trouble, and I was right. I hope King Vegeta doesn't really intend to kill Broly. Though the thing that surprised me the most was Kalebrylea's attempt in seducing Prince Vegeta. That was hella amusing, I liked it. Initially, I thought she'd be timid and wary as she looks forced when wearing her attire, but boy was I wrong. These characters you made just keep surprising me! XD

Okay, Bardock, I like you again! Don't do anything stupid! Oh, and I did mention how cute baby Kakarot is? And how heartwarming Bardock and his son's interaction was?

I know many things happened other than that, like the issue with the peeping tom, the plan devised between Tora and Bardock—but I guess they're overshadowed that I can't really even make a proper opinion about them.
8/13/2020 c6 AvidDragonballReader7
Kakarot when hearing the word "feed" is adorable!

The fact that the umbilical cord is the one that does the absorbing is a pretty neat idea. I don't know if that's possible, but that totally is convenient, albeit a complete bummer since it's better to just eat with your mouth lol

The queen offering Prince Vegeta his mother's milk is saddening—subtle, but still able to show how much grief she has over Tarble's leaving Planet Vegeta. Prince Vegeta, you should REALLY look after your mother as she's still grieving smh. What's worse, what started to be a cute interaction between a mother and son turned to a grim conflict that favored against the Queen, proving what I said on the first chapter. It's sad to think that King Vegeta just sees her as a provider of strong Saiyan babies. He has his moments, but he still disgusts me.

On the other hand, I think I can understand Bardock a little better. He may not be the best parent, but his regret of his actions is at least more tolerable.

Fasha just keeps getting more and more likable, as well as Gine. Kalabrylea's interaction with the queen was amusing at best. I'd like to read stuff like that again—having the upper class beg the lower class for help. It just makes them vulnerable, which is a good thing for her character development.
8/13/2020 c5 AvidDragonballReader7
Well, I'll be damned. Just after I was beginning to like Bardock, he goes back to being a jerk again. Other than that, I like Raditz' interaction with Nappa; it was heartwarming. Oh, and Kalabrylea definitely deserved better.
8/13/2020 c4 AvidDragonballReader7
It is sweet. Bardock moving up in rank seemed to be the best thing that had happened for him and his family! I'm glad that he realized what Raditz truly wanted from the start and acknowledged it. Now I think I'm starting to warm up to Bardock because of this.

The Queen's grief is understandable. Paragus is just too proud. I think he's the worst character in this fanfic.

And does Candor really have a thing for the Queen? I'm excited to have this confirmed. And if it would, maybe his jealousy would get the better of him? Maybe he'd betray the King? Just the mere thought of it makes me wonder how his role would significantly affect the plot!

Lmao just don't mind me. For all I know, it's probably just nothing.
8/12/2020 c3 AvidDragonballReader7
I like the old blind lady. Despite scenting Raditz', she still provided him a bath and a candy lol. And the way you wrote the dialogue, it's just so distinctive I'm impressed! Teach me! lol

Planthorr seems interesting. He's not a Saiyan, I reckon. Does he know of Broly's power level and decides to keep it as secret?

"Ankja and HER had done the best the could" should be "Ankja and SHE had done the best they could."

I like what you did the world-building. Everything doesn't seem off and incongruous in the world you're building so far—good job!

King Vegeta and his son seem to get along well; I couldn't actually say the same for Bardock and Raditz. I think I saw the royal family in a different light somehow after reading the last chapter. I guess I shouldn't have judge too quickly.

I think I saw two mistakes. Emanate, not eminate. Tongue, not tounge.
8/12/2020 c2 AvidDragonballReader7
Raditz' little adventure in the garden is amusing. (Oh. and "Ahchoo"? Launch, is that you?) I appreciate how clever and creative he is in doing pranks. While I'd really like to just tell him off for being so annoying to the palace guards and to his mother, I can't help but feel sorry for him for never having to experience eating the delicacies the upper class can have at any time. And, Gine, oh poor Gine, having to be paid lower than her normal wage just for Raditz' mistakes.

I feel ambivalent, really, whether to be mad at Raditz' antics and the problem he's caused or feel sorry. But I do feel the same way as him when it comes to that spoiled brat Vegeta. Just a pet peeve, really—spoiled brats. Not that I'm not spoiled sometimes, but still . . .

I read this last night, so I don't really remember if there are mistakes or not. As for your writing, it's very good; you have words that I never think I can use without using Google (I just struggle at remembering them). The descriptions are mostly, always clear, not ambiguous, so I'll give you props for that.

However, good writing could only go so far without a developing plot. For now, all I've read are day-to-day conflicts that just doesn't affect the story significantly. I don't know for the later chapters, but if the inciting incident—in which the plot forces the protagonist to starts to solve a huge arising conflict and hooks the reader at the same time, is nowhere to be found at this point, I'm afraid this wouldn't really be as interesting.
8/12/2020 c1 AvidDragonballReader7
I sympathize with Raditz being unable to do something he loves quite often just because he's young, less privileged, and because of having a toxic father who I don't really care about except for his looks (we'll get to the later). I like how mischievous and ignorant and nonchalant he is of the consequences of his actions—y'know, just being a typical Saiyan kid. I wonder what he'll find in the castle garden.

The prejudices between Saiyan females and males were represented quite well; I never actually thought of it with that angle. I mean, I only knew that Saiyans loved to fight. I actually hadn't thought of something more than that—perceiving the "typical male" Saiyan to always be tough, devoid of touchy-feely emotions as opposed to female Saiyans. That's pure sexism, right there. It's like the females are just being used just so they can repopulate. Or maybe I'm reading into this too much. (BTW, I like how you made Gine similar to Chichi, fierce but also gentle.)

That said, with the contrast to the wealthy and poor, and with the sexism, no matter where we are, social injustices still exist lol. Just a thought.

Ugh, also, I actually don't really care much for the original movie, and this representation of Bardock is the reason why. I just don't care about him; he's too strict and harsh on his son. I mean, I kinda understand, what with all the ways of the Saiyans and all, but still . . . I just don't freaking care about him (except for his looks lol) But maybe I'll change my mind later. We'll just see.

Again with Raditz. I want him to have a second chance just because he's Goku's big brother, so I hope Raditz will become a big bro for Goku. I just hope . . . I mean, Toriyama only gave him and Nappa, what, three episodes? That's just sad.

There's a problem with one of your sentence hereHe crept along the border, darting his eyes back and forth at the guards who sat atop, WATCHING THE GROUND WITH A BORED EXPRESSION."

The participle in caps lock. If I'm not mistaken, that should be describing the guards, right? Well, because of the structure, it made it seem like Raditz was the one who was watching with a bored expression. It should be "and watched the ground with a bored expression." I'm not sure if there are other issues like that.

Apart from that, one sentence stood outThat is why, when his unexpected attack would come in the future. the Saiyans would have no prior knowledge of their fate, nor believe Bardock's claims." I completely understand where you're coming from, but the way it was written in the chapter itself seems off to me. It seemed to break the flow of the story. I mean, you did say it's in Raditz' point of view, so that's why I think it's rather incongruous.

Another thing is, I'm not sure what you meant with "poke." It seems ambiguous for me.

And another thing. Fasha, despite having a boyish personality, is still gentle and caring at heart for willing to subtly stand up for the poor Raditz. So I like her.
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