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3/23/2020 c1 Radio Free Death
[Mentally, they have already accepted they will reach the surface and they are fully prepared to hold onto that little pocket of air until they do so, but there is a little nagging sensation — a sort of primal instinct people possess that makes them want to surrender to the deep. As if in some way, a part of them wants to drown. A part of them longs to float endlessly in the deep blue instead of surfacing for that sweet air. To die.]

I take it you've never been close to drowning. It's a horrifying experience. Your body is not instinctively deciding to die. It's doing everything it can to survive. That's why people take in a breath right as they pass out, because your body is making your breathe, and then the water rushes in

[Three messages from his brother, asking me how the party went.]

Which POV is this written in? Be careful of your tenses.

[bottle of French champagne]

Wait, France exists in this universe?

["Lorne?" She asked,]

If there’s a speech verb, it’s not considered the start of a new sentence, so 'she' shouldn’t be capitalized.

[new-age electro-pop bands or something," she snorted, while adjusting my tie.
"Hey, don't forget we met at one of those electro-pop concerts," Lorne said with a grin.]

This really doesn't feel like it takes place five hundred years plus whatever additional years from our current age. The new tech so far just feels awkwardly pasted in.
3/15/2020 c1 2Author of Ice and Fire
So I'm trying to get caught up on what everyone's been writing since I've been gone, and I checked this out and WOW. I'm not even fully sure what you've got here, but holy hell is it an interesting concept. You've taken the Hunger Games and elevated it to a whole new level of sci-fi awesomeness. A city of towers in the sky? An AI running things? These mysterious stars? The Grand Rhapsody? These are all such interesting concepts, I feel like I can't even write a full review because I just want to see more, there are so many variables and intriguing plot threads.

I'd say I hope Lorne will be all right, but I have a feeling that's a lost cause at this point - sorry buddy. He was a great introduction into this world though, being a journalist and all. Ahhh, there's just so much cool stuff in here, I honestly can't wait to see what comes next!

Happy writing!

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