for Windcaster8/21/2022 c66 Guest
This is an amazing story
This is an amazing story
12/10/2020 c63 
9Ingenious Waterfowl
This was good, I like how Esinon started to open up about her scars and Bash is slowly but surely starting to feel more comfortable around her.
It's completely fine to take a hiatus, especially if you have a big workload and are starting to feel stressed. Just relax and have a wonderful Christmas break! :D
Also, I understood that vine reference. ;)
9Ingenious WaterfowlThis was good, I like how Esinon started to open up about her scars and Bash is slowly but surely starting to feel more comfortable around her.
It's completely fine to take a hiatus, especially if you have a big workload and are starting to feel stressed. Just relax and have a wonderful Christmas break! :D
Also, I understood that vine reference. ;)
12/6/2020 c63 4eagle eyes98
Why don't you read a book, far more educational than any of the holo-dramas you watch,"
I laughed...OUT LOUD. That was a perfect Dej line. Through and through.
But here comes a few rare criticisms from. The dialogue in this one felt rough, as in it didn't fit thr personality/role of the person speaking them and the dialogue also felt repetitive as you tried to get certain points across in it. Try to show a reader your point, don't tell them. I noticed this mainly in the discussions of Dej to Esinon and Bash, and then the discussion between Bash and Heart.
Also, your transitions weren't as smooth as they could've been. It took me a moment to decipher what was happening as you went from Esinon mind and memories to her actual environment.
I think both of these come from you trying to rush this chapter after being later than you usually are, so I say don't worry about how long a chapter takes. Always think quality over quantity. This is the first time I've noticed these small mistakes so broadly so I just encourage you to slow down and write as you normally would.
4eagle eyes98Why don't you read a book, far more educational than any of the holo-dramas you watch,"
I laughed...OUT LOUD. That was a perfect Dej line. Through and through.
But here comes a few rare criticisms from. The dialogue in this one felt rough, as in it didn't fit thr personality/role of the person speaking them and the dialogue also felt repetitive as you tried to get certain points across in it. Try to show a reader your point, don't tell them. I noticed this mainly in the discussions of Dej to Esinon and Bash, and then the discussion between Bash and Heart.
Also, your transitions weren't as smooth as they could've been. It took me a moment to decipher what was happening as you went from Esinon mind and memories to her actual environment.
I think both of these come from you trying to rush this chapter after being later than you usually are, so I say don't worry about how long a chapter takes. Always think quality over quantity. This is the first time I've noticed these small mistakes so broadly so I just encourage you to slow down and write as you normally would.
12/6/2020 c2 trninjakiller
Wish there was a bit more detail in the duel with ventress but other than that good job. You may want to look into the differences between the various forms of lightsaber combat, their strengths and weaknesses, as well as who uses them. It should help a ton.
Wish there was a bit more detail in the duel with ventress but other than that good job. You may want to look into the differences between the various forms of lightsaber combat, their strengths and weaknesses, as well as who uses them. It should help a ton.
11/28/2020 c62 eagle eyes98
This one was really good! Learning about Bash throughout this chapter's entirety was actually kinda of exciting. Him warming up to everyone and his general shyness were also well planned out.
This is one is probably one of my favorite chapters so far
This one was really good! Learning about Bash throughout this chapter's entirety was actually kinda of exciting. Him warming up to everyone and his general shyness were also well planned out.
This is one is probably one of my favorite chapters so far
11/27/2020 c55 Guest
I freaking LOVE Bumi!
Also, I adored this chapter! Using the force for water bending is such an awesome concept! And I love Dej, he seems so sweet and honest and I can tell he and Esinon are gonna get along! (At least i hope so)
Anyways, thanks for updating, school’s chaotic so your updates on this story really help me going! :)
I freaking LOVE Bumi!
Also, I adored this chapter! Using the force for water bending is such an awesome concept! And I love Dej, he seems so sweet and honest and I can tell he and Esinon are gonna get along! (At least i hope so)
Anyways, thanks for updating, school’s chaotic so your updates on this story really help me going! :)
11/27/2020 c62 9Ingenious Waterfowl
Bash is such a sweet child, I hope he's gonna be okay. This was a really interesting chapter, very fun to read, keep up the awesome work!
9Ingenious WaterfowlBash is such a sweet child, I hope he's gonna be okay. This was a really interesting chapter, very fun to read, keep up the awesome work!
11/21/2020 c61 4eagle eyes98
Very good! Bo does need a reality check over his selfishness right now, but yes! Dej looked great! It was a good idea to have glitch come to him rather than bo or Jax.
Well done overall
4eagle eyes98Very good! Bo does need a reality check over his selfishness right now, but yes! Dej looked great! It was a good idea to have glitch come to him rather than bo or Jax.
Well done overall
11/21/2020 c61 9Ingenious Waterfowl
Aw, poor Dej. It's really interesting how Umbara scarred Bo just as bad as Esinon, but neither of them have actually spoken about the guilt they both feel. Crud, Spitfire I was afraid something like this would happen but don't you dare die on me!
9Ingenious WaterfowlAw, poor Dej. It's really interesting how Umbara scarred Bo just as bad as Esinon, but neither of them have actually spoken about the guilt they both feel. Crud, Spitfire I was afraid something like this would happen but don't you dare die on me!
11/16/2020 c60 4eagle eyes98
That scene was really good, I've never heard Sheeran sing it but I imagined it in thr voice of something like you would see in coming movies when they do their Valhalla send off. Low voices, all in unison. Seemed really good and the beef between bo and Esinon is stout as well.
I look forward to the next one
4eagle eyes98That scene was really good, I've never heard Sheeran sing it but I imagined it in thr voice of something like you would see in coming movies when they do their Valhalla send off. Low voices, all in unison. Seemed really good and the beef between bo and Esinon is stout as well.
I look forward to the next one
11/16/2020 c58 eagle eyes98
I'm interested in learning more about cam, but I think it would also be interested if you recreated Valhallas drawing on your art page!
I'm interested in learning more about cam, but I think it would also be interested if you recreated Valhallas drawing on your art page!
11/15/2020 c60 9Ingenious Waterfowl
That singing scene by the pyre was so powerful! I could visualize the scene perfectly and it just hurt my heart. I agree with Jax on this one, Bo what the heck?! I really like how Bo's dislike for Jedi is making him act out and do things that a clone Commander shouldn't do, he's an interesting character. Spitfire radiates chaotic energy, hope he's gonna be okay.
9Ingenious WaterfowlThat singing scene by the pyre was so powerful! I could visualize the scene perfectly and it just hurt my heart. I agree with Jax on this one, Bo what the heck?! I really like how Bo's dislike for Jedi is making him act out and do things that a clone Commander shouldn't do, he's an interesting character. Spitfire radiates chaotic energy, hope he's gonna be okay.
11/8/2020 c59 Ingenious Waterfowl
Jayla's past is really interesting, I've never seen a take on that before! But also fudge, that's a tight spot. C'mon Spitfire, don't die on me!
Jayla's past is really interesting, I've never seen a take on that before! But also fudge, that's a tight spot. C'mon Spitfire, don't die on me!
11/8/2020 c58 Ingenious Waterfowl
Aww! This is really sweet! I like how you're expanding Esinon as needing balance because she needs balance. Like, right now. Valhalla is so sweet, and was that an "I See Fire" lyric from Ed Sheeran?! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!
Aww! This is really sweet! I like how you're expanding Esinon as needing balance because she needs balance. Like, right now. Valhalla is so sweet, and was that an "I See Fire" lyric from Ed Sheeran?! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!