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for Danganronpa: The Monsters Within Us (SYOC CLOSED)

9/30/2020 c5 Astro
I'm betting my whole kidney that either one of the chocolatiers has a cover talent for something else like a killer or something crazier, or one of them is probably the mastermind. If not, then they're most likely connected in a way.
9/30/2020 c5 5Sempi
TWO Choclatiers? :omaiga: *I hope they kill each other*

Welcome back Ocean, luv u, can't wait to see Pyrrha die
4/21/2020 c1 EliGEx
This story looks promising! I really like your writing style; it's very descriptive so it's a lot more immersive in my opinion. And for the characters, I really liked all of them.

Addie feels like a Chiaki-type character. I think she's probably gonna be like the Kyoko of the story, as being sort of a deuteragonist. I really like her

Matsudo gives me the impression of being a more quick-tempered Kaito and I'm really liking that. I don't know why but I feel like he's gonna cause a bit of trouble at some point in the story.

I normally like the type of character that Tomoko has. They often start like this and as the story goes on they get closer to the group (like Byakuya or Fuyuhiko). She doesn't seem so smart so I hope she won't die too early.

As for Matthew I don't think I've seen enough of him to form an opinion. He also has a really cool talent that makes me instantly suspicious of him being the mastermind but I don't think it'll be that easy haha.

Teti gives me really weird vibes. She also seems to like Matsudo, but maybe there's just another reason as to why she went with him. I don't know what to make of her yet.

Looks like Kotaro is genuinely nice, and genuinely nice people and Danganronpa don't get along really well. But maybe he's a Nagito or something like that, who knows? So far I like him.

Pyrrha and Wayne are interactions are very entertaining to watch. I hope their rivalry goes on as the story progresses.

Clara and Sarita are both very interesting. I think Clara is like a Himiko and Hiyoko combination. Looks like she's dependant, or she just doesn't like being alone. As for Sarita, she's probably gonna be one of the other characters that cause trouble and I love when she mixes Spanish with English.

So far I don't have any complaints with your writing. Maybe sometimes the name of the character is used a bit much in comparison to he/she, him/her, but maybe that's just me not being a native English speaker and nitpicking stuff. I'm really liking this story so I'm very excited to see what's yet to come.
4/11/2020 c4 Sempi
PYRRRRRRHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I like the way you portrayed my happy (for now) gorl, thank you for reassembling her from the ashes of her previous life - I mean taking her in

We stan Pyrrha and Wayne ignoring the decrepit scenery creeping Daisuke out and the fact that they're evidently locked in an unknown location to have a competition

that seizo cameo made me REEEEEEEEEE

PLEASE UPDATE SOON, OCEAN, PLEASE! (stan Clara)

Also stan sarita's potty mouth

#BestGirlSarita
4/11/2020 c4 1LDOLDAL
She's here! Clara is here and she's CUTE!
3/31/2020 c3 1Rayy12
Time to reviewWwWw. I've been holding it off for the sake of it, but now I'm back to give my review of the ~characters.~ Honestly, I like the writing style you're going with, just make sure you proof-read heavily or even look into beta-readers to improve your writing. For the readers who are the first to see the chapters and provide feedback, it's better when most of the mistakes have been corrected already rather than having the first-readers to point them out.

Anyways, enough with my rambling. So, here's my opinions on the characters:
Ngl, Matsudo captured my attention from the start. I think there's more to him then we see immediately, especially considering all of the 'tough' or 'antagonistic' characters are always more
complex than just that.
Addie seems like, as previously mentioned, a companion for Daisuke. Sort of a Chiaki/Kaede/Kyoko thing, although I could be wrong. It could easily be a trap like DR1 with Sayaka, so I'm keeping my eye out for her. She seems genuinely sweet, however, and I like her a lot! (but we know what happens with all of the genuine characters in DR :( )

Tomoko: the rich and entitled one. With a title of 'Ultimate Heir,' it's obvious she's filled with arrogance. Kinda intrigued by her tho ngl, as those types of characters, again, are usually more than face value. I'm hyped to see more of her, and I'm expecting a character arc from her!
Matthew: Interesting, not much to say. I'm not sure what the tension, good or bad, with Matthew and Tomoko is, but that's definitely interesting on his part. I think it would be interesting if Tomoko turned on him, as she built up his trust so high then just burned it all down.

Teti is.. uh.. i don't know. There's not a lot at all to go off of. She seemed interested in Matsudo, so I wonder what that gravitation was. Maybe just an unintentional attraction, or something more? Idek I look too far into things haha. But she's okay, just don't know a lot about her.
Kotaro is the genuine, nice boi of the story. He's susceptible, and I'm worried for his well-being. Again, the good characters always die first or always have some sort of dark side to them, so let's hope this is the exception.

Omfg that was long. Well there ya go! Hope you enjoyed it, ~~cause i'm not gonna post another one for five months.~~ Alright, have a good day :)
3/31/2020 c3 5Other Senpai
Love your writing style; it's very descriptive and allows me to easily picture the characters' appearances as well as the setting.
For our characters introduced so far, I'll give my thoughts!

Matsudo is on the hostile side of things, but I don't think he'll be the main antagonist of the story. I'm very curious about his "unlucky" talent, I wonder if there's anymore meaning to that.

I love Addie! She's definitely going to be a companion type character to Daisuke throughout the story; maybe she's even the Kyoko/Chiaki! I'm curious as to where she comes from, because that comment about colonies and dwellings definitely isn't something you hear everyday. Furthermore, her talent as a glaciologist (not sure if I spelled that right ) is unique, so I'm looking forward to her FTE's.

Tomoko is the classic bitch of the story, but she seems like fun! She doesn't seem to be the smartest, so I wonder if that'll come back later to bite her in the ass...

I'm curious to learn more about Matthew. His talent as a Strategist opens room for a lot of opportunities. If I'd have to pick a character that I find suspicious, I'd have to say him simply because of his talent, lol.

Teti seems interesting. It's rather strange that she so infatuated with Matsudo, however. I wonder if it's a crush, or something else...

Haha, I love Kotaro. He seems like a good guy, and that worries me, because we all know what happens to the good boys and girls in Danganronpa :(

Overall, I'm not ready for any of these characters to die! All these characters are very interesting, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of them!

Great chapter. The animal tattoo and wristwatch mechanic is very interesting, I can't wait for the revelation as to what they mean!
3/29/2020 c3 TheRoseShadow21
Thoughts, in no particular order:
-Addie my bean baby
-Teti, hun, you don't know whay a long name is, do you? Also. I really want to know why she us particularly into Matsudo
-Tomoko is an absolute riot
-Your writing is improving!
-I don't quite know what to make of Matthew, but I do like Kotaro a lot. He seems nice
3/30/2020 c1 1oddlyillregular
Alright dork since you so badly wanted a review then here I go,

So far I do actually enjoy it, the setting seemingly being some type of underground location is new to me. The characters are all refreshing as well with unique personalities in my opinion.

We have the Protag Daisuke, with aside from the whole pill popping addiction, seems to be more on the Hajime side of protags which I enjoy very much.

I already sent you my opinions on how you are writing my character and you actually fixed it immediately which I'm very thankful for.

Addie seems adorable as well and I want to hear more about her backstory and where exactly she is from, I also wonder what her animal tattoo is and if the tattoos have any future prevalence in the future. The little interaction between Matsudo, Addie, and Daisuke was hilarious as well because it just reminded me of that one episode of Gravity falls where Dipper and Robbie decided to hate each other in private around Wendy.

Moving on to Tomoko she seems to be the uptight b**** of a character that you would guess someone called the Ultimate Heiress would be like. Also the fact that she said that sound waves travel faster than light waves made me fear that this girl is going to live for a bit isn't she.

Next is Tomoko's little bodyguard or whatever he is, because I can't think of any other reason why he could stand talking to her, who actually has a pretty cool talent but the whole vacant eyes thing just makes me unable to get a read on this guy. He kind of just makes me uncomfortable.

Then we have the person who makes me the most uncomfortable, the choreographer. Now I might sound a bit crazy but hear me out here. Why did she instantly gravitate towards Matsudo? Either something is seriously wrong with her or she has some type of ulterior motives going on. Either way she's on my suspicious list so far.

Last but not least we have the Ultimate Mangaka boyo which I like a lot. In all actuality he seems the most normal so far, which makes me worried for his safety. He just seems so sweet and down to earth and if he died it would make so many people sad.

That's about all I can say about my first impressions but I can't wait to see the rest of the colorful cast and the despair that will ensue when the first body is discovered, Hopefully not Addie or Kotaro of course.

your bud, Oddly

p.s Didn't know you can only leave one review per chapter so that's why I left it here
3/29/2020 c3 1OnlyTruePotterhead
Wow. Just, wow. This was such a joyride and I loved every second of it! Forgive me if you don't like these sorts of comments, but with Danganronpa fanfics I love giving my first impressions of each character. Maybe even might make a couple of theories that probably aren't going to be correct, too.

My first thought when we met Tomoko was "Oh God, she's like Hiyoko and Sonia had a poorly raised love child". Now I know that the cast needs to have an irritating character or two to round them out and create conflict, but I feel that she's gonna be more trouble than she's worth. A corn snake is an interesting choice. Common enough, yet vicious and willing to go to great ends to achieve goals. As much as I don't like her, I am intrigued to learn more about Tomoko. I feel like she's gonna make it through the first couple chapters, at least.

I don't know how to feel about Matthew just yet. He seemed to enjoy (or at least tolerate) Tomoko's company. So either he genuinely likes her, or he believes it to be a better strategy to get close to her. Mysterious and intriguing overall, so let's hope he doesn't die early.

I'm getting weird vibes from Teti. Part of it might be because we didn't get to interact with her that much, but it sort of feels like she's trying to be two things at once. For some reason I'm thinking her tattoo might be a jaguar or panther. Something agile, sly, and cunning. This might change when I learn more about her, though. I feel like she's gonna either die early on or make it to the end.

I. Like. Kotaro. I have no idea why, but I do. From his description and his drawing of Teti, he seems humble and respectful. A genuinely considerate person is rare these days, so I hope he doesn't wind up being two-faced. Based on his personality so far, I'm thinking his tattoo will be a panda or sloth. I'm leaning more towards panda, just because I associate pandas more with artistry. I'm getting vibes that he's gonna die early, though. Then again, these are all theories and I tend to be very, very wrong haha.

This chapter was absolutely mindblowing. I cannot wait to read the rest of this fanfic! With the cast of characters that we already know of, no matter who the other characters are, it's going to be a heck of a ride!

Have a lovely night!

Sincerely,
OnlyTruePotterhead
3/29/2020 c3 SureJahn
Yay my character was accepted!

I love the new characters, and I'm seeing their dynamics with others, I can already tell who is gonna cause trouble and who is gonna get along with others.

You writing has improved from the last one, but as all writers do, there are still room for improvement.
Excited for the next update and keep up the good work!
3/29/2020 c3 1LDOLDAL
( ͠ ͟ʖ ͡). My character hasn't been introduced...

( ͠ ͟ʖ ͡)
3/29/2020 c3 1oddlyillregular
...Wow...
3/28/2020 c3 5Sempi
gimmediscordgimmediscordgimmediscordgimmedisc-

i mean

NEW CHARACTERS YAY

rip Addie getting squish

Is it too early to call Tomoko a probable victim? LMAO maaaaaaajor Byakuya/Mari vibes though. I don't have any opinions about Matthew yet. Teti is sus af for latching onto Matsudo like that (but maybe she just thinks he's hot who knows [you know]) and I love Kotaro alreadyyyyyyy

One thing I noticed about one of your sentences (I actually don't remember if it was this chapter or the last lol) is that you had one of Daisuke's thoughts in quotation marks. Italicize them thoughtssssssssssssssss

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
3/28/2020 c2 Sempi
(i'm finally catching up on all my fanfics and spamming reviews lololololol you'll see OOTW spammed too)

SO
my notes

*Daisuke is a fat mood with the back pain
*The spirit animals are actually for something I see I see :blurredeyes:
*I see Oddly created another jackass-
*We stan Addie. Periodt. Also interesting talent hmmmmm
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