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for Danny Phantom: A Different Path

3/2 c3 9jocoleman2017
2/15 c2 XenoLucifer
I'll give an example actually.

"That's good to hear, but if there is anything that you are either confused about or want clarification for, you can ask me and Jazz anything, and we'll do our best to answer if we can"

this just sounds like what I write to make my sentences look bigger, a teenager wouldn't speak like this, especially not during the early 2000's.

"Cool!, I'm actually really excited for us to hang out like we used to again, I really missed us going to the "insert burger place or arcade place here" and just having fun...spoke Danny with an embarrassed look on his face before, he perked up again remembering something he had to speak about "oh right, I almost forgot, you're both probably a bit confused about all this still right?" both Tucker and Sam looked at his with a bit of a deadpan expression before Sam sighed lightly "I'm not gonna lie Danny... it's very new side to ghosts we've never seen, and a change of perspective this sudden and rapid? it will take time to get used to, so be patient with us alright?" spoke Sam with Tucker silently nodding in the background, Danny's eyes softened slightly "if you need any help, me and Jazz will always be here for you guys, and I mean it! you two were and still are two of my closest friends".

I'm not the best writer, I don't even write but I think it conveys a bit more emotion and is more align to how teenage students talk, you need to incorporate their characters, Danny has a big mouth and tends to run it often which can cause him to say things he doesn't exactly mean and he easily gets embarrassed, Sam is hard headed/stubborn and is used to getting what she wants, however she's undoubtedly the smartest person amongst them when it comes to socializing and Tucker is that one friend that is quiet most of the time, prefers not to take sides but speaks out passionately about things he care about, I think you actually nailed his character the most throughout the parts I've read.
2/15 c2 XenoLucifer
The dialogue is fairly monotone in some spots and Danny just doesn't sound like Danny, people forget he's a child not a harvard graduate in speech, he sounds too mature and robotic.
12/17/2020 c4 Guest
The only change I would make is not having the girls be skulker’s motivation. Seems kinda cliche
12/18/2020 c1 9Howard blake
Hey, managed to stumble onto this story and I wanted to review. I'm a fan of unusual pairings so this is already intriguing. The plot's interesting so far and I'm wondering how you'll manage to spice up cannon from here on out. I'd just like to point out a few things if that's okay.

Not a lot of grammar mistakes so that's a plus. However, if you can trim down some of the exposition, that would be great. Try to condense the paragraphs into 3-5 sentences if you can because I feel that some of the info can be gleamed from context clues and readers generally like to figure stuff out on their own. For example, I felt that you didn't need to explain the five months since he got his powers and jumped straight into Danny being late for school. It leaves room for curiosity to grow and readers to question stuff like. "Whoa, why is Danny not on okay terms with Sam and Tucker? Where does Kitty and Ember come in? How did they become friends?" You answer those questions as the plot progresses so as to keep the reader's attention.

Aside from that, not a lot of issues. Oh also if you want to separate scenes, I suggest using the line break or double space it and add some sort of marker instead of stating "With Danny" to make it less confusing.

So yeah, excited to see where this story goes from here. Keep at it!
12/7/2020 c4 Guest
Absolutely perfect now! Beautiful. Can’t wait for more. :)
12/8/2020 c4 2FinalKingdomHearts
I look forward to the next chapter.
12/8/2020 c4 Devilsummoner666
Very happy to see this get updated once more, and definitely interesting way of doing the wishes. But how what's the story behind him and Desiree being allies?
12/3/2020 c3 SonicMax
What was with Johnny flipping between "owning" kitty and then wanting back his "piece of heart"?
11/29/2020 c3 Sageofchaos
hope to read more.
11/25/2020 c3 Guest
Oh no.. and here comes trouble to ruin our three lovers’ happiness
11/25/2020 c3 Guest
So I read that delightful smut section and I honest to god think it would be fabulous here. It's no more explicit than the first one in the first chapter and I really think it was beautiful and romantic. Hope you add it here and continue to post that stuff here.
11/25/2020 c3 MatthewW39
Personally, I read that beautiful smut and I think it would be perfectly acceptable here. It was no more explicit than the first chapter and was a beautiful loving moment for Danny, Ember and Kitty. I hope you reconsider and add them to this story on here.
11/23/2020 c3 Guest
Please please please add the smuttery smut smut.. it’s beautiful
11/21/2020 c3 9Monstrel45
Jeez. Johnny did NOT deserve that...
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