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6/24 c5 Guest
Took you long enough
And hope you'll finish this story
6/25 c5 7BlueJack22
It was great, welcome back
6/25 c1 KamijouTouma 007
Please update more frequently and don't drop this i wanna see it till the end
6/25 c5 10cbustroyer
Finally! It's been too damn long! U need to try and update more man! But anyway on to the review!

So Touma finds a beaten up Shana in the street. Guess she really couldn't take him off her mind and it for her beaten. Looks like the Kami disease is working its magic in the worst possible way. Quite the ironic twist if I do say so myself.

The shadow guardian huh? Looks like Yuji is more famous than he realized. Damn, I wonder what he does besides hunting down Flame hazes and Crimson Denizens.

Saten and Uiharu instead of Eita and Satou huh? Looks like Misaka might be involved soon enough.

And Touma finds Lamies and he finds out about the City devouring. I wonder what he will do with this information? Punch it of course cause why not?

Overall, a short chapter for over a month-long break period. Kinda sad it took this long but you have a life so no biggie, just wish you update more.
6/24 c5 ricardotolava450
ohhhh! i was waiting for you!
6/24 c5 FabledLife
When will Touma meet Index cause isn't it suppose to be the most important moment for him? And now Saten and Uihara gotten involved as well, would that mean Misaka and Kuroko will show up too?
5/30 c4 Paradoxreader
Interesting to say the least haha...it seems yuji n touma might end up switching the one they take care of haha
5/31 c4 Rinto
I'm actually quite interested. I really miss Shakugan no Shana. I'll be waiting for the following chapters.
5/3 c4 2Phantom Dark-Knight
INDEX?!
5/3 c4 falco147
I like your story, as you have handled it so far I like it, the fact of giving Yūji that character gave me a new perspective of the way it would be if he did not meet shana first.
On the other hand, I think that showing more about how Touma lives his day to day with bad luck would make Alastor himself wonder how that boy is still alive until now.
Another point is that, according to my opinion, I believe that an encounter between Yūji and Touma is necessary, because it is very simple, one is for Yūji to know about the power of Touma and the other is for an outsider to show him another perspective of the things, not to mention that Touma would face him to save anyone involved in revenge and Yūji himself.
for the rest I look forward to a new chapter, at least you update faster than another story that has to do with aru sooner.
5/3 c4 FabledLife
I see, Shana got beaten as she couldn't think clearly do to not understanding her own emotions of spending time with Touma and it looks like Index finally appears though, is she gonna be with Touma as of canon... Right? (I hope so, Touma without Index biting on his head doesn't feel right.) Is this the part where Shana goes somewhere to get herself healed but at the same time Touma meets Index and ends up with his memory destruction?
P.S. Kami-yan decease with no red string of fate (A.K.A. oblivious chickmagnet)
5/3 c4 10cbustroyer
YAY! Another chapter for this story! Glad you could make another one!

I just realized that Touma just called her Flame haze-san. That really made me felt odd about it. It was somewhat cute in its own way since he doesn't know her name because she never has one. I wonder when she will be named?

Touma's misfortune strikes again! Though it's almost identical to the original Shana anime, maybe show off more of Touma's natural bad luck, such as losing his wallet, tripping in steps, and being chased by random guys again. Just a little something to spice up the fanfic is all.

So Shana sensed Margery Daw but not Yuji? Huh, I wonder if he has some sort of cloaking device to hide his presence from Flame Hazes, that would be convenient for him.

And the Kami-disease strikes again! Causing our Shana to lose her battle against the battle-hungry Margery Daw. I didn't know they were more Crimson denizens in this city, perhaps we will meet them or not.

Yuki returns! And kicks ass as usual. Forcing Margery to retreat. A small sinister smile hug? I didn't know he was such as sadist, but that could an interesting point to look at. Fufufu. He should have just finished the job instead of letting her leave though, but that will end the series too early lol.

Yay! We meet Index now and she is in the fuzetsu. Now magic, science and the crimson world collides in this city. Now we will see what chaos will ensue in this city.

Overall, a long chapter and a good written one, I noticed though that Alastor's speech pattern was a bit OOC for me. But it's ok, just go back and watch the show and you will see how he speaks.

Some errors in this chapter could be seen.

Will a sigh, Touma told the girl she could sleep there, and that he'd just find somewhere else to sleep in his room.

Will a sigh? Is that supposed to be "With a sigh" or "As he willed a sigh"? I think that's an error in your part

I should've punched him another ten times!

It's supposed to be, " I should've punched him ten more times!"

She started up into the dark of night.

It's; "She stared up into the dark of night."

Touma shakes in his shoes.

Maybe it should be "shake in his boots" instead. It sounds more appropriate.

Touma tried whispering in as quiet a voice as he could while still making his voice audible.

Maybe try "whispering as quietly as possible while trying to make his voice audible."

Last error, So, how can a human such as herself, who doesn't appear to have any items allowe her to do so, walk inside a Fuzetsu without any troubles?"

Allow.

Sorry for sounding like some sort of critic or maybe justy complaining too much, but I was just point out the mistakes I see. But you will improve I'm sure! Still can't get enough of this story. Work hard and Stay Safe!
4/23 c3 shiroryuu012
when friagne know how valuable touma right hand is i bet he already fucked up in knowhere by aleister
4/21 c3 aldojuhansifa
You know, Toumas power is not just imagine breaker, there also the Dragons and the Power beyond the right hand
4/21 c3 TeotakuFantasia
where is aleister?
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