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5/26 c2 Guest
5/19 c1 Guest
Yeah no don't like it.
5/15 c2 5SomethingAncient
Interesting, though not my cup of tea. It's neat that you're introducing other species this way, but there are a couple of issues you're going to want to tackle better to keep this from getting out of hand.

Kisuke's gate is not a physical technology, and the wards he placed on it to do the spirit conversion are spiritually powered, not physically. Don't take the spiritual things and call it technology in the way it was described and you'll be fine. Because the examination that Ashoka gave made absolutely no sense whatsoever. The gate is essentially a solid stone structure with magic charms covering it. Making it sound like a used car is silly at best.

The next issue is the implementation of spiritual energy and the force... why are they functionally two separate things? If the Order and Seireitei are supposed to do the same job, how are they using two powers that aren't the same? This is a problem that will eventually end in some plot elements that won't work (a plot hole).

Soul reapers keep the spiritual balance in check, and The Order is basically an order of monks that keep balance of a different power source. Or that's how it's been written, since Ashoka is still a force ghost within the afterlife, proving they are two separate forces. Furthermore, soul reapers are strictly forbidden from interfering with living people, unless there's a threat to the balance of the living and spiritual realms.

So there really shouldn't be any animosity between the Order and Seireitei, since, by function - as shown in this story - they monitor two separate things. Especially since Central 46 are actually okay with help, as long as it doesn't jeopardize the balance. And that is the caveat that was ignored in that uninformed history mention.

The quincy being killed off happened because they were permanently killing hollows, and not cleansing them. This caused the living world to get too heavy with spirit energy, and the universe nearly collapsed. Several warnings were given, and the quincy ignored every one. Uryu even sided with the soul reapers on that issue. His issue with soul reapers comes directly with Mayuri Kurotsuchi and the soul reapers he paid off to let Uryu's grandfather die, so he could have a science experiment.

Also, Chad wouldn't be able to grab Gin's blade like that this early on. It wasn't good compensation for Ichigo not having a zanpakuto wide enough to block that. Having Ichigo use the force to knock Gin off-balance would probably have made more sense.

I'll be honest here, there seems to be a lack of understanding with how either the force works, or how spiritual energy works.

Because if they are the same, Ashoka should be a normal being in the afterlife. And if that's the case, that means the afterlife is the force. Which means, if anything, Seireitei would be higher up on the command chain than the Order.

But if they aren't the same, then why does Seireitei even care? Why does the force work effectively on beings that aren't bound to the physical universe?

I hope this shows why this aspect needs to be thoroughly hammered, else it cause you issues later on.

There's two more things that need to be addressed: speed and spiritual pressure. Jedi don't have an answer for shunpo, or spiritual pressure.

The instant speed, capable of taking out twenty people trained in shunpo in one moment, is just too much. The force can't really compensate for "blink and you've been stabbed 30 times" speed.

Also, the force can be gathered, but take the fight with Kenpachi Zaraki: His spiritual pressure alone makes most lesser attacks useless, and he just lets it leak out of him. Jedi gather the force while soul reapers generate spirit energy. And that's assuming the force is the same thing as spiritual energy. If they aren't the same, again, why should soul reapers care?

Now, there are good elements here, one of which being how aliens are showing up in the afterlife. Another is the concept that the world where Bleach takes place is completely isolated from the rest of the galaxy. Ashoka teaching Ichigo is cool, too.

Those are my thoughts. I don't mean to put you down, but am leaving this review to help you identify what, in my opinion, are weak areas that will likely hurt your story in the future if they aren't sorted out now. Keep in mind, this is your story; not mine. You aren't under any pressure to listen to me if you don't want to.

I hope you have a good week and God bless,

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