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for Mix up at Lone Pine Mall

2/14/2021 c1 10Rob Denham
Interesting premise, and two of my 80s favorites.
Your dialogue feels pretty natural, and flows well.
I'd love to see an expansion of this-that involves Doc Brown, naturally.
6/19/2020 c1 heffronma5
Now I am confused - who belonged to who? great story thou.
6/15/2020 c1 13MagpieTales
Hi Aurora, over from WA to check out the entries. I know Back to the Future, but not Family Ties. That didn't matter, though.

What cute story! Short and sweet, and a great take on Mistaken Identity- using two characters played by Micheal J Fox is a neat idea.

The opening is great, no messing around, straight into the story, and a dressing room is an ideal set-up. It allows you to start in Alex's point of view, sketch his relationship with Mallory very briefly, and then let the reader hear what's said outside so they know something's up.

I love that you jump seamlessly to Mallory and Marty with a simple 'meanwhile'- very economical. And that you use the whole timeline thing to have Marty go along with her - makes perfect sense and adds to the confusion nicely!

The scene where Marty and Alex meet is great; I could really picture that. I laughed when Marty called Mallory pretty and then had to back-track so Jennifer didn't get mad. Lots of quick point of view switching there too, but handled well I think.

Alex and Mallory argue just like a brother and sister! Great dialogue, there. It all gets sorted out though.

Nice little story, I liked it.

Now some suggestions for improvement - feel free to ignore them, they're just suggestions.

I was a little confused by the two Jennifers. I thought they were look-alikes too at first, until I looked up the actresses and thought, nope. If you wanted to make that absolutely clear for anyone who doesn't know one of the fandoms, you could change this sentence: Mallory's jaw dropped as she watched him talking with another girl. - to say something like 'a girl she'd never seen before'.

This bit in the last scene, where it jumps from Alex, Mallory and George to Marty:
"...having a few words with his son tonight about not cheating on his girlfriend.
Marty could tell his father was angry,.."
- is a bit abrupt and it threw me. Some lead in would help perhaps. Maybe some indication of where Marty is , something like - 'Even from the back of the line, Marty could tell...'

Lastly, a couple minor tense errors:
He didn't even leave the fitting room yet. -I think that should be: He hadn't even left the fitting room yet.
She figured he was just teasing her about the fact that she doesn't do much reading other than magazines like Cosmo and Vanity Fair. - I think that would read better as "... she didn't do much reading other than..."

Hope that was helpful. Good job :)
5/17/2020 c1 37Sam Worth
Hi Aurora Nightstar,

here from the W.A. Mistaken Identity Challenge.

Well played mix-up. Using a book-signing as setting simply worked as it allowed a well-established reason for everybody to be there and a good way to resolve the mix-up.
Without being familiar with the characters, it took some time, but I was able to figure out who was who and belonged together.

Thanks for writing and sharing your story.
4/26/2020 c1 35VST
Hi, Aurora Nightstar,

Here from the W.A. Challenge. I am a fan of the BttF movies and watched Family Ties when in first run so the Alex/Marty cross was really cute. I liked how you combined the scene but separated them into two distinct corners with Mallory (and then Jennifer) being the common tie until they were finally brought together.

The scene with Alex and Mallory in line to get the book signed was also cute, especially with the coincidence of Alex's sister and Marty's girl having the same name and Marty's dad not believing the situation. Marty and Jennifer's arrival to shed light on the situation really tied it together as everyone realized the resemblance.

I'll send you a PM with a couple of other comments.

Great job and best wishes in the contest.

4/12/2020 c1 144rebecca-in-blue
Hi there, here from the mistaken identity challenge. Crossovers with this plot can be very fun when they're done well, and I definitely think you do it well here. I loved seeing Mallory and Jennifer getting their Michael J. Foxes mixed up, and I liked that you worked Marty's dad and his book into the story, too. My only critiques would be that Alex seems to stay in the dressing room for a pretty long time near the beginning, and that the number of characters might be confusing for fandom-blind readers, but those are both minor issues.
3/30/2020 c1 35Car45
Classic sitcom scenario. Very well done as always.
3/29/2020 c1 7csg-III
I think this is the perfect set up for a case of mistaken identity: a crossover where two characters from different franchises are portrayed by the same actor/actress.
You developed the idea very well and in a funny way. It's plausible that Marty would think the changes are due to a change in the timeline. I laughed that Alex was (jokingly?) very quick to accept the idea that he was adopted ("My parents are nothing like me.") and Marty was his long lost twin XD
Glad to see the confusion being cleared up in the ending, so neither of them gets into trouble.
3/29/2020 c1 20jettmanas
Wow, I'm reading this right after you posted. :) A challenge, eh? Well, it being short & complete pulled me in. Plus your support of me- and that I watched both the movie and series in this. Solid writing of confusion, including relationships. I liked the setting. Marty was the standout; I remember him the most from the three movies. Well done!

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