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for Rise of the Fire Hawk

5/8 c2 Xealchim
Yikes
8/6/2021 c9 guest
you want improving?

STOP INTRODUICING YOURS LAME SELF-INSERTS AND STEAL MC SPOTLIGHT!
4/20/2021 c3 6XXxxxadisxxxXX
This is the type of stuff that makes fanfiction look bad. It might be the author's first-ever time trying to write something, but there is no excuse for just outright stealing the original storyline with an uninspired and boring OC being forced in as the MC. I'm being light on the criticisms here as this reads like something that is someone's first time trying to write period, but it is bad, really bad. I'm not going to take the time to write to try and critique this as it doesn't even feel like an original story, instead someone's half plagiarised work.

My main suggestion would be to always keep writing, take all criticism in stride, and actively try to improve your writing. If you take some time and put in some effort, I wholeheartedly believe you'll be able to tell an entertaining story. You just gotta keep getting more experience, and then you'll be able to find a good muse.

~ciao
1/20/2021 c1 Gerden360
Where are the authors notes I want to know the back story
11/1/2020 c4 Guest
this is not a good story its not original nor do any characters have depth
5/13/2020 c3 14RedBurningDragon
And Bete being played like a fool at least Loki got dinner and a show
Well Bell is young and naive probably just said the first thing that came to mind
5/11/2020 c3 1995hzq
Looks like Taka meets Lili, good job beating up Ged. Keep it up, love the drinking contest with Bete. Looks like his wallet taking huge damage that night, hope to see his reaction.
4/23/2020 c2 Guest
Nice chapter, keep it up. Freya already got Bell and now aims for Taka, wonder whats the plan. Wonder how Bell would do in Freya's Familia? And whats the deal with Apollo?
4/11/2020 c1 Magi Mari
Stop reuploading the same crap it won't make your story good no matter what. This is just a shallow Bell replacement that isn't even an improvement he's basically a cardboard cutout with no personality aside from being a copy. If you're gonna make an OC centered fic be creative enough to be able to insert him into the fic with his own actual story instead of stealing and writing a terrible version of Danmachi.
4/8/2020 c1 Vercingetorix Rex
what is the point of deleting and then reposting if the story is identical to the previous one?
did you do it to delete comments?

as with the previous version, the story does not change, your oc is just a replacement for Bell. he does exactly the same things as he does as an improved clone.
an oc which does the same things as the Mc is just an improved clone of the said Mc.

as someone said before, it's pretty stupid and uninteresting to reveal that Bell is replaced by your oc.
it’s like you’re reading a manga and someone suddenly reveals how it’s going to end!
it's dumb imo.
it ruins the pleasure of reading.

Finally, did you come up with a character development, growth plan for Bell or did you just decide to replace Bell like this?
I still think it's the second solution.

not really what I could call a great and interesting start, this chapter is directly copy-paste on the novel. mc behaving like an upgraded version of Bell.

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