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for Green and Gold

4/27/2020 c1 2k+Hawki
-“Seamus raised an eyebrow as Daphne his (secret) girlfriend had asked him to see him on a matter of some urgency, he had imagined all kinds of scenarios.”

Nothing’s wrong with the text itself, but it’s missing some full stops and commas – the lack of them makes the pacing of the sentence feel very off. Maybe “Seamus raised an eyebrow as Daphne, his (secret) girlfriend had asked him to see her on a matter of some urgency. He had imagined…”

-Anyway, not much else to say. I mean, the writing and dialogue is decent – far more decent than some of the absolute crap I force myself to review in this site per my ‘review repayments’ system (sorry, I know that sounds high and mighty, don’t may much attention). On the flip side, again, it’s short. I’ll also admit that that its brevity isn’t alleviated by the characters chosen. Daphne is a non-character basically, and Seamus…well, he did have character in the books, but from what I recall, it was character that was only ever really defined in regards to his relations with other characters if that makes sense (e.g. his friendship with Dean). Him being here by himself doesn’t leave me much to work with.

So, again, decent for what it is, but could be more.
4/17/2020 c1 4Tenjo
Just a suggestion... maybe tag the actual characters focused on in this? I came here for a Harry/Daphne OneShot, not a Seamus/Daphne one. I actually hate Seamus’ character, so this is doubly bad.

I make the suggestion, knowing full well that you most likely ‘forgot’ to tag the right characters on purpose... as a Seamus/Daphne OneShot would get little to no reads.

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