for The Good War4/21/2020 c1 Burnsidhe
This one is definitely worth following. The tight focus on Elizabeth's inner life is quite compelling.
This one is definitely worth following. The tight focus on Elizabeth's inner life is quite compelling.
4/21/2020 c5 
5RedShirt1453
Not sure how I feel about the name change from Ellie to Liz. It seems kind of a spur of the moment decision. I think it would have worked better with more focus on the decision or if it happened later on.
5RedShirt1453Not sure how I feel about the name change from Ellie to Liz. It seems kind of a spur of the moment decision. I think it would have worked better with more focus on the decision or if it happened later on.
4/21/2020 c4 RedShirt1453
Well, this is an accurate representation of how fucked up Ellie's life is. Good work on this one. I have to say my only major complaint is that you seem to write in the "Tell not Show" style. Rather than telling the readers about how a scene plays out the scene itself should be written out and showed for more important scenes such as the Parseltongue one.
Well, this is an accurate representation of how fucked up Ellie's life is. Good work on this one. I have to say my only major complaint is that you seem to write in the "Tell not Show" style. Rather than telling the readers about how a scene plays out the scene itself should be written out and showed for more important scenes such as the Parseltongue one.
4/20/2020 c3 RedShirt1453
Sirius Black having a daughter is a bit of a surprise. Looking forward to see what her relationship with Ellie will be like. Also I love the expansion on the Slytherin dungeons. Very immersive.
Sirius Black having a daughter is a bit of a surprise. Looking forward to see what her relationship with Ellie will be like. Also I love the expansion on the Slytherin dungeons. Very immersive.
4/20/2020 c5 Inoeth
Well i just saw this new story in my update emails and decided to check it out and i'm glad I did. I'm enjoying it quite a bit.
If I had a few quibbles it would be that I kind of think that Liz was too open and honest with Snape- at least for a 1st time long interaction with him- i'd think she'd be hiding things far far more and be far more argumentative with Snape. I can't see a kid like her put up with what was clearly an hour or more of seriously personal questions...
I'm also kind of concerned that her abilities with the whole mind reading thing is being taken perhaps a bit too far - particularly with the troll tho also more just generally perhaps as well - tho that she's so clearly having plenty of other trouble learning magic and such does help.
I'm a little surprised that given you call her dark in the description she didn't kill either Vernon when she almost certainly could have gotten away with it (at the time at least) and this troll as well - interesting personality quick despite her clearly not quite understanding other elements of the morality of invading privacy, forcing people to do things for her with her mind abilities that somehow she holds back there... I almost darkly hope that despite Snape intervening to try and keep her on a better path that he doesn't completely succeed and she gets a bit darker and meaner as situations get worse in the future.
Considering how horrific that 'prank' was against her (at least given her reaction) i'm surprised her retaliation was as mild as it was - and also that it was the kind of thing that would automatically point the finger back at her. We never did get to see how Pansy etc reacted to it and if there might be an escalation of conflict there...
I'd love a bit of a thing on Snape's POV of everything going on with them.
This story has a ton of potential and i'm curious to see it play out. Keep up the great work- it's fun to read new fanfiction while stuck at home.
Well i just saw this new story in my update emails and decided to check it out and i'm glad I did. I'm enjoying it quite a bit.
If I had a few quibbles it would be that I kind of think that Liz was too open and honest with Snape- at least for a 1st time long interaction with him- i'd think she'd be hiding things far far more and be far more argumentative with Snape. I can't see a kid like her put up with what was clearly an hour or more of seriously personal questions...
I'm also kind of concerned that her abilities with the whole mind reading thing is being taken perhaps a bit too far - particularly with the troll tho also more just generally perhaps as well - tho that she's so clearly having plenty of other trouble learning magic and such does help.
I'm a little surprised that given you call her dark in the description she didn't kill either Vernon when she almost certainly could have gotten away with it (at the time at least) and this troll as well - interesting personality quick despite her clearly not quite understanding other elements of the morality of invading privacy, forcing people to do things for her with her mind abilities that somehow she holds back there... I almost darkly hope that despite Snape intervening to try and keep her on a better path that he doesn't completely succeed and she gets a bit darker and meaner as situations get worse in the future.
Considering how horrific that 'prank' was against her (at least given her reaction) i'm surprised her retaliation was as mild as it was - and also that it was the kind of thing that would automatically point the finger back at her. We never did get to see how Pansy etc reacted to it and if there might be an escalation of conflict there...
I'd love a bit of a thing on Snape's POV of everything going on with them.
This story has a ton of potential and i'm curious to see it play out. Keep up the great work- it's fun to read new fanfiction while stuck at home.
4/20/2020 c5 AmaiKotori
Mm, a very solid ending point for the first bit. Definitely needed the emotional boost by this point; I know this kind of thing's your specialty, but chapters 3-5 have been a rather murky swamp of awfulness with little in the way of respite. Might have benefited from another Dorea viewpoint scene somewhere in the middle to let us centre ourselves a bit.
I do quite like her inclusion in general, though. It's a fun idea, and the character dynamics are promising. Looking forward to more of that.
The one scene I felt fell rather flat was Snape's impromptu psychiatry. Kind of seemed like on one hand, you had (possibly?) a relentless, grinding attempt to cast all of Liz's mental issues into sharp relief, and on the other, Liz's own depression-induced apathy combined with Snape's clinical manner, leaving it sort of lost halfway and, well, a bit dull. May have just had too many questions shown in full detail...
Mm, a very solid ending point for the first bit. Definitely needed the emotional boost by this point; I know this kind of thing's your specialty, but chapters 3-5 have been a rather murky swamp of awfulness with little in the way of respite. Might have benefited from another Dorea viewpoint scene somewhere in the middle to let us centre ourselves a bit.
I do quite like her inclusion in general, though. It's a fun idea, and the character dynamics are promising. Looking forward to more of that.
The one scene I felt fell rather flat was Snape's impromptu psychiatry. Kind of seemed like on one hand, you had (possibly?) a relentless, grinding attempt to cast all of Liz's mental issues into sharp relief, and on the other, Liz's own depression-induced apathy combined with Snape's clinical manner, leaving it sort of lost halfway and, well, a bit dull. May have just had too many questions shown in full detail...
4/20/2020 c1 AmaiKotori
It's a testament to my love that I saw a collection of summary tags that'd normally have me running for the hills and instead nearly made myself late for work finishing the first chapter. :3 Should've known you were mocking the idea.
In one of my old D&D groups, we referred to good character-building as masochism-by-proxy, so... I can't really cast stones there? Seriously, though, the abuse didn't feel excessively melodramatic or anything. I can accept a lot of things in fiction as long as they're handled reasonably realistically, and you seem to be doing fine there so far.
On that note, though, whenever I see an instance of the Dursleys that gets excessively physically abusive like this, I really do have to wonder what they're thinking. Fear makes people do stupid things, yes, but there's quite a leap from 'this person is scary, so I don't want anything to do with them' (canon-ish out-of-sight-out-of-mind malign neglect) to 'this person is scary, so let's make sure they hate us as much as possible and show them exactly how to utilize irresistable power.' Seems like that much fear and stupidity ought to have them forgetting to breathe every now and then...
It's a testament to my love that I saw a collection of summary tags that'd normally have me running for the hills and instead nearly made myself late for work finishing the first chapter. :3 Should've known you were mocking the idea.
In one of my old D&D groups, we referred to good character-building as masochism-by-proxy, so... I can't really cast stones there? Seriously, though, the abuse didn't feel excessively melodramatic or anything. I can accept a lot of things in fiction as long as they're handled reasonably realistically, and you seem to be doing fine there so far.
On that note, though, whenever I see an instance of the Dursleys that gets excessively physically abusive like this, I really do have to wonder what they're thinking. Fear makes people do stupid things, yes, but there's quite a leap from 'this person is scary, so I don't want anything to do with them' (canon-ish out-of-sight-out-of-mind malign neglect) to 'this person is scary, so let's make sure they hate us as much as possible and show them exactly how to utilize irresistable power.' Seems like that much fear and stupidity ought to have them forgetting to breathe every now and then...
4/20/2020 c2 RedShirt1453
Wouldn't what Ellie does be a wandless Imperio curse? Also Fuck you Dumbledore!
Wouldn't what Ellie does be a wandless Imperio curse? Also Fuck you Dumbledore!