for If not for Umbridge
212/19/2022 c41 raymond21
Well,i think your story have few flaws especially for a some plot point that needs to be adressed :
1. I think you need closure on Hermione feelings towards Ron and Ginny feelings toward Harry. Closure i mean,is that you showed that Hermione and ginny moved on from their crush,tell Ron or Harry about their feelings, and they finally accepted that they cant got together. Because Harry and Ron have finally someone they loved
2. You must bring severus into story more and give more importance. I think in the Canon story,all of slytherin loved and trust Snape(even slytherin who is not blood supremacist) because he always on their side and defending them from all of their Hogwarts students who Hated slytherin. I think Daphne relationship with severus is the same as mcgonagal and Harry in Canon.
3. Sirius is not the type to lead someone. He is brave but he is not the type to thinking before act and nrver thinking about consequence of their action. I prefer Mad eye moody or severus Snape as their strategist and second in command. Moody because he is have most experince with Fighting Dark wizard and respected by all of the OOTP member,and severus,who is accomplished spy and slytherin. Even Daphne is more strategist than Sirius and more deserved leading the order.
4. Make Daphne the face change of slytherin. She give slytherin who didn't share voldemort ideal courage to show up and accepted into gryffindor friendship.
I think thats all for now,to me you. Building Daphne and Harry relationship is very good,you make Daphne from stranger,to friend,to close friend and then lover. In 20 chapter. I think it is normal because i don't romantic relationship that didn't have proper development. For me this is very good story.
Well,i think your story have few flaws especially for a some plot point that needs to be adressed :
1. I think you need closure on Hermione feelings towards Ron and Ginny feelings toward Harry. Closure i mean,is that you showed that Hermione and ginny moved on from their crush,tell Ron or Harry about their feelings, and they finally accepted that they cant got together. Because Harry and Ron have finally someone they loved
2. You must bring severus into story more and give more importance. I think in the Canon story,all of slytherin loved and trust Snape(even slytherin who is not blood supremacist) because he always on their side and defending them from all of their Hogwarts students who Hated slytherin. I think Daphne relationship with severus is the same as mcgonagal and Harry in Canon.
3. Sirius is not the type to lead someone. He is brave but he is not the type to thinking before act and nrver thinking about consequence of their action. I prefer Mad eye moody or severus Snape as their strategist and second in command. Moody because he is have most experince with Fighting Dark wizard and respected by all of the OOTP member,and severus,who is accomplished spy and slytherin. Even Daphne is more strategist than Sirius and more deserved leading the order.
4. Make Daphne the face change of slytherin. She give slytherin who didn't share voldemort ideal courage to show up and accepted into gryffindor friendship.
I think thats all for now,to me you. Building Daphne and Harry relationship is very good,you make Daphne from stranger,to friend,to close friend and then lover. In 20 chapter. I think it is normal because i don't romantic relationship that didn't have proper development. For me this is very good story.
12/19/2022 c35 raymond21
What a birthday from Harry friend and girlfriend. And Harry,you cheeky boy. Hope you want to have sex with Greengrass are you XD?
Bah,but honestly, about Sirius comment,i think she is not described Lily well. Lily is known as very brave,very funny,charming, and very cheeky. I think Harry represent Lily personality well. But Daphne is resourceful,ambitious, using brain more than brawn,but very brave when you realizing it. She is looks like the very cold person when first met,but after you and her are close, she is proving that she is very loyal to you,sweet and brave. I think Daphne is more like potions master personality,if He is born into kind enviroment and peace time
What a birthday from Harry friend and girlfriend. And Harry,you cheeky boy. Hope you want to have sex with Greengrass are you XD?
Bah,but honestly, about Sirius comment,i think she is not described Lily well. Lily is known as very brave,very funny,charming, and very cheeky. I think Harry represent Lily personality well. But Daphne is resourceful,ambitious, using brain more than brawn,but very brave when you realizing it. She is looks like the very cold person when first met,but after you and her are close, she is proving that she is very loyal to you,sweet and brave. I think Daphne is more like potions master personality,if He is born into kind enviroment and peace time
12/19/2022 c34 raymond21
Awwwhhhhh this chapter is full of fluff and romance,and i was wrong,Melissa didn't say nasty things,but clearly didnt like harry...
Harry finally have consolation from Daphne in her shelter. You really good at making Daphne a understanding girlfriend
Awwwhhhhh this chapter is full of fluff and romance,and i was wrong,Melissa didn't say nasty things,but clearly didnt like harry...
Harry finally have consolation from Daphne in her shelter. You really good at making Daphne a understanding girlfriend
12/19/2022 c33 raymond21
"At least i know what it is like to love someone" damn,Daphne words cut hard. Tori,you really are supportive of her Elder sister. A kind and understanding sister
There is a chance to move horcrux. Well, maybe it can. After all,it is a soul,like ghost. If we can find another device and soul can be hosted in there,probably Harry life Will be saved. And the horcrux must be willingly move away from his worst enemies
Dum dum dum,he meet Miss Greengrass. Damn,when she Hated Harry,i dont know what Melissa Will say to Harry,probably nasty thing . To her,harrye Potter is the boy who make her life miserable.
"At least i know what it is like to love someone" damn,Daphne words cut hard. Tori,you really are supportive of her Elder sister. A kind and understanding sister
There is a chance to move horcrux. Well, maybe it can. After all,it is a soul,like ghost. If we can find another device and soul can be hosted in there,probably Harry life Will be saved. And the horcrux must be willingly move away from his worst enemies
Dum dum dum,he meet Miss Greengrass. Damn,when she Hated Harry,i dont know what Melissa Will say to Harry,probably nasty thing . To her,harrye Potter is the boy who make her life miserable.
12/19/2022 c31 raymond21
I liked your chapter. This is full of action. And scene with Tracy family is full of tension. Tracy really lucky to have a loving family and father who loved her daughter is magical. This chapter show me that you are recreating your own plot. Not just repeating plot in Canon. Keep writing. This is good
I liked your chapter. This is full of action. And scene with Tracy family is full of tension. Tracy really lucky to have a loving family and father who loved her daughter is magical. This chapter show me that you are recreating your own plot. Not just repeating plot in Canon. Keep writing. This is good
12/19/2022 c29 raymond21
Arrgh,not this s**t again. Sirius is clearly holding his hatred over severus. No wonder sev Hated him too so much, Sirius didn't feel regret after trying to murder him after all. And Dumbledore told Sirius that he trust severus with his life. It is fishy,there must be very strong reason for Dumbledore to trust severus Snape.
Daphne is right to let Harry know the truth. Harry is very brave. He is not afraid to die when it means the ending of Voldemort regime. Daphne words is so cutting towards Dumbledore, remind me of the Daphne head of house *XD*
Arrgh,not this s**t again. Sirius is clearly holding his hatred over severus. No wonder sev Hated him too so much, Sirius didn't feel regret after trying to murder him after all. And Dumbledore told Sirius that he trust severus with his life. It is fishy,there must be very strong reason for Dumbledore to trust severus Snape.
Daphne is right to let Harry know the truth. Harry is very brave. He is not afraid to die when it means the ending of Voldemort regime. Daphne words is so cutting towards Dumbledore, remind me of the Daphne head of house *XD*
12/19/2022 c28 raymond21
This chapter is so heavy to read. We know that Harry wouldnt die but all of character only know that the only way to release Harry from his horcrux,is to have him killed.
Well,i think you mistake about walburga? We know his parents blasted him from family tree,but we know from kreacher that walburga have a heartbreak when Sirius got out of home. No mother who wouldnt love their son Would have heartbreak when their son is go out from home. And after Sirius is known to be death eater, walburga named Sirius as Heirs of all of his asset. I think walburga lover her son,but she have such bigoted view that they Will not even talk like parents and son.
Oh Daphne,you really are have heart, resourcefulnes and cunning is clearly not make you evil,after all
This chapter is so heavy to read. We know that Harry wouldnt die but all of character only know that the only way to release Harry from his horcrux,is to have him killed.
Well,i think you mistake about walburga? We know his parents blasted him from family tree,but we know from kreacher that walburga have a heartbreak when Sirius got out of home. No mother who wouldnt love their son Would have heartbreak when their son is go out from home. And after Sirius is known to be death eater, walburga named Sirius as Heirs of all of his asset. I think walburga lover her son,but she have such bigoted view that they Will not even talk like parents and son.
Oh Daphne,you really are have heart, resourcefulnes and cunning is clearly not make you evil,after all
12/19/2022 c27 raymond21
Damn,this is messed up,Voldemort really good destroying people minds. I think this is Voldemort method of legilimency who destroyed people minds like severus mention in the OOTP book. And Mr. Shafiq already have suspicion about horcrux? What Will be happen to Harry. I think this is gonna be plot point for the story'
Oh,and Voldemort legilimency is so powerful that harry cant tell the difference between real Daphne and ilusion daphne
Damn,this is messed up,Voldemort really good destroying people minds. I think this is Voldemort method of legilimency who destroyed people minds like severus mention in the OOTP book. And Mr. Shafiq already have suspicion about horcrux? What Will be happen to Harry. I think this is gonna be plot point for the story'
Oh,and Voldemort legilimency is so powerful that harry cant tell the difference between real Daphne and ilusion daphne
12/19/2022 c25 raymond21
Ahh,poor Harry,hope he Will be okay
You author really good at makes me engaging reading your fic. This is really good story. The relationship between the character is so real and loving. You showed that people can not just love the person he wants,but the person she needs. Daphne is really good for Harry. Like a fountain to Harry emotion
Ahh,poor Harry,hope he Will be okay
You author really good at makes me engaging reading your fic. This is really good story. The relationship between the character is so real and loving. You showed that people can not just love the person he wants,but the person she needs. Daphne is really good for Harry. Like a fountain to Harry emotion
12/19/2022 c24 raymond21
A storm is already coming to Hogwarts. Even thought it is just a drizzle,we don't know what happened to daphne and Astoria
Your story is very good because i liked how you make different event of story than what happened In canon
A storm is already coming to Hogwarts. Even thought it is just a drizzle,we don't know what happened to daphne and Astoria
Your story is very good because i liked how you make different event of story than what happened In canon
12/18/2022 c23 raymond21
Bah, Pansy readily to Snap Daphne Wand. How cruel. Luckily Harry girlfriend is slytherin. Otherwise it is gonna turn badly.
Well,they are so cute together. Harry is lucky have a resourceful and beautiful slytherin like greengrass.
Bah, Pansy readily to Snap Daphne Wand. How cruel. Luckily Harry girlfriend is slytherin. Otherwise it is gonna turn badly.
Well,they are so cute together. Harry is lucky have a resourceful and beautiful slytherin like greengrass.
12/18/2022 c22 raymond21
Melissa greengrass even thought is too harsh to daphne,is clearly the woman who loves her daughters more than anything. Maybe she is just like walburga black,but difference is Melissa is clearly supporting ministry to make sure her family have a good Grace in society,not being mocked by, after his husband is killing himself because of heavy trauma in the war.
As i thought,tom Riddle would not hesitate to use his snake for his own gain. He clearly pissed off that a slytherin would dating gryffindor *wait until he hear about Severus XD*
And declaration of relationship by daphne? Well,her friend is already know,so is better Daphne declare herself xd
Melissa greengrass even thought is too harsh to daphne,is clearly the woman who loves her daughters more than anything. Maybe she is just like walburga black,but difference is Melissa is clearly supporting ministry to make sure her family have a good Grace in society,not being mocked by, after his husband is killing himself because of heavy trauma in the war.
As i thought,tom Riddle would not hesitate to use his snake for his own gain. He clearly pissed off that a slytherin would dating gryffindor *wait until he hear about Severus XD*
And declaration of relationship by daphne? Well,her friend is already know,so is better Daphne declare herself xd
12/18/2022 c21 raymond21
This is so romantic,finally daphne and Harry go out dating. But i think there is gonna storm coming out. Daphne is now targetted by voldy. I don't think voldy Will let happily couple live happily XD.
This is so romantic,finally daphne and Harry go out dating. But i think there is gonna storm coming out. Daphne is now targetted by voldy. I don't think voldy Will let happily couple live happily XD.