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1h c34 1flyingzuzu14
Hello! As usual, I am having a lot of fun reading your story!

I just have a suggestion about writing style. I know everyone has a specific writing style, but I feel like there is something missing. I think what this story needs is a less direct writing style. For lack of a better phrase: "Show not tell." I think instead of stating everything and why it's happening in Percy's mind, you should use more descriptions about the world, and less about the connections Percy sees between them. When you tell the reader everything, it can lead to less engaging and less suspenseful story. I'm not telling you to change your writing style, but I think changing slightly to include fewer explanations about what's happening would be better for am action-packed story. For example: I can't remember the term exactly, but something like "dark shadows" signified the Underworld. Instead of telling the reader that he knew that Dark shadows signified the Underworld, give hints like" They seemed almost familiar" that will tip the reader off to what might happen. Remember, this is just a suggestion! Feel free not to accept it.

Just as another thought: make sure to make your characters human. When Percy's evaluating the choices of both the gods and titans, I thought, "Honestly I wish my mind worked like that!" I consider myself to be a logical person, but emotions still drive me. Humans are naturally emotional, it's rooted deep within our brain with science that I don't have time to explain at 1:30 am in the morning. You got a hint at it when he was desperately facing Medusa, but sometimes I feel like he acts too logically. The sea isn't supposed to be restrained; it acts in fits of passion. Free from logic and social orders. The sea is part of Percy's personality, so I think it's important that you implement it into his character. Anyways, just... more emotion? Back to the example of the Titan vs. God evaluation. There is a lot of bias involved with making decisions lead by emotions and experiences. Percy is biased toward both Triton and Medusa. Betraying his brother, Triton is out of the question because if you kept his fatal flaw the same, it's loyalty, and he would never try to betray his brother. As for Medusa, as long as she stays out of the war, there's no need to fight her, so he would immediately lean toward support of the gods.

Wow, I better stop here. Great story! I can't wait for the next update :D

IMPORTANT: The above statements are suggestions. If you don't want to change anything, please don't feel any obligation to. Constructive criticism is meant to be constructive not destructive :)
5h c34 Blackholelord
Well I saw your note, but I will state that there are times when it seem turn from teen to mature with a certain leaning. I will state I do like the story, if not for your note about mature stuff, I would have stopped reading as it has a certain feel to it, nothing against it, but I do not want to read about it. I only encounter one story leaning that way and put it on my favorite list because of the storyline was to good to give up over a small thing. Your story is nice, but time to time it seem like I'm hitting speed bumps each time it shows up, and I am forcing myself to remember you are not planning to write something more mature level. Otherwise a nice story.

Lastly I got to ask where are you getting this words that you are using for the sea language part. Basically it seems like something that nobles would use, not something common for the commoners.
15h c34 11the8horcrux
I had to reread that one sentence where Percy was like 'I need to learn more which means studying'
Your percy is wayyyyy different that's for darn sure.
Aghhhhh who the heck is Ryujin?
Great chapter!
15h c34 BigBoii225
And it gets better I’m really interested in where this goes but I hope we get to see more of percys extent of power
17h c34 2DebatorMax
Well written! Would of have liked a bit more lore especially with Oceanus and his guest. Can’t wait for the Percy Zoe scene with riptide! Well done!

I know you said no smut so does that mean the romantic parts will be super basic, lime or just kinda not present?
9/23 c34 Bella Quill
Yay, another chapter and a good one too.
Why was Percy feeling so overwhelmed?
In the OG PJO series, Poseidon was busy fighting Oceanus, is it going to be the same i this as well? I know it is in the last book, but I was curious.
I am glad Percy could spend time with his Mum and rest in his home. And once again you showed how just Hades is, no other Gods give rewards for quests.
And what is the Q&A?
9/23 c34 AProudSlytherclaw
Thank you! I hate smut. I don't really like reading about them because I am just 13. I normally tend to skip them and I would hate to skip your stories.
9/23 c34 3AvydReedr
Very nice

I like

I await more
9/23 c34 1thomassmith69
Can you do non English words just in italics or bold English or something. The second half of that chapter with the two gods was near impossible to understand with all the non English words
9/23 c34 Abdur Rauf Aymaan
Thanks for the chap and hope you update soon.
PS. I reaaally dont get the connection between queer and smut... besides its against the rules to insert smut in T ranked stories because kids read them too.
On an unrelated note, I'm not into yaoi. if there ever is such a story which i like that does contain explicit yaoi scenes i will skip them.
9/23 c34 MKDemigodZ-Warrior
Huh...so that's how they get rid of Gabe. I mean, the results are basically the same as the book, only with Medusa doing it personally rather than Sally using her decapitated head. Still, it is a great chapter and I do like the POV shot of Oceanus. Guessing that's going to be a thing throughout the rest of the series?
9/23 c34 7XenonDark
Dude, am I tripping or did you delete my review. I don't want to assume, and I want to believe that it was just an error with the site. Because if so that's fucked to that you can't take actual constructive criticism. And childish that you would go as far as to remove it so others cannot see. Really shows how much you faith you have in your Fic.
9/22 c28 1thomassmith69
Nice chapter In adding other pantheon gods just chilling around.
9/22 c27 thomassmith69
I started this yesterday after work and is really enjoyable but all this gender stuff at the bottom is really getting in the way of enjoying the story. Who gives a fuck what sexuality a 12/13 year old boy is this story has barely shown any romance so I don’t think it needs to be in every authors note. Why can’t you just say something like person a likes person b for this, this, this, Part of their personality and not make it about gender or sexual identity it comes off as really obsessive and is pushing me away from the story
9/22 c33 1rajeshkont
Here your fuel.
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