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for A Glorious Dawn Awaits at the End of Night

7/10/2020 c11 TalonScythe
Oh things are finally beginning to pic up! Riku is back and Sora remembers that his fire god dance is a thing, wonder what more changes that will entail for our cast.

Good work, looking forward to more when you return!
6/29/2020 c1 18In a Quandary
Great introductory chapter! Firstly, I must say that I appreciate your technical prowess; your prose and formatting are very solid. The narration reads and flows smoothly. Readability is one of the most important aspects of any story, and you’ve nailed it here.

Sora is very true to character. You did well in capturing his regret and sorrow upon leaving everyone he loved behind, as well as his disorientation upon being dumped into another universe. He may be a seasoned traveller, but he’s certainly had his share of conveniences throughout his journeys, such as his Keyblade acting as an automatic Google translate. Nice tidbit there!

The problem of the language barrier makes itself apparent here, though it’s quickly surmounted by Tanjiro’s memories filling Sora’s mind. I love that you lampshaded the existential dilemma of displacing another person from their own body. This is something that morally conscientious Sora would definitely think about.

Since I’m a nitpicky editor, there are a couple of odd, awkward phrases that I’d like to point out and correct:

“He squinted his bright blue eyes at the motifs…”

The narrator should never be describing any of their physical characteristics, unless they’re looking at their reflection. I would remove ‘his bright blue eyes’.

Correction: ’He squinted at the motifs…’

“He bared her a comforting grin”

This doesn’t sound quite right. Saying that ‘he bared her’ would suggest that he’s removing her clothes, which is certainly not what you’re going for, lol. I would rephrase this:

Correction: ’He bared his teeth at her in a comforting grin.’

‘The older boy’

Never ever use epithets to describe the narrator; just stick to using their name. This is compounded by the use of a comparative adjective like ‘older’. People don’t think of themselves in relative terms. You are, however, welcome to use epithets to describe someone that the narrator is addressing.

Again, great start to the story! I’m interested to see where this one goes.
6/22/2020 c11 22Yolea Irk's
Yup. That last part is gonna raise a hell of questions. Especially since the Nichirin blade known only change color once. What a deead moment when the blacksmiths find out.
6/11/2020 c10 Yolea Irk's
Sweet! So we now have Namine and Riku Replica. The latter is kind of unexpected but glad to see him again. He deserve a better life, you know. Did I also spot Master of Master there? That guy is always unpreditable as ever. I doubt he give Muzan the warning out of kindness. He's a schemer like Xigbar. Something bigger than the final battle with Muzan is bound to happen.
6/11/2020 c10 1James riemer
Namine was a nice twist and a black coat is it xiggy or master or how I wonder
6/6/2020 c9 22Yolea Irk's
Sorry for the late review! Gotta admit I had a long day. So from what occured in this chapter, Fuji is revealed to be Roxas and he need new dual weapons. Hopefully the blacksmith is not Haganezuka or Roxas will be dead. Magic also apparently exists although it is not a thing like before. This is quite concerning since the magic appeared to be stored in a number of scrolls and everyone, including demon, can get them. I am intrigued with how the magic is preserved inside scrolls.
6/6/2020 c9 1James riemer
Thing's are getting interesting and nice twist.
5/31/2020 c8 22Yolea Irk's
Hey, at least you tried. The fighting scenes are decent, they are intense but the readers like me can still follow up. Is Fuji someone Sora and Xion know? He does sound familiar to me even though he's supposed to be an OC.
5/27/2020 c7 Yolea Irk's
Is the scroll has connection with Sun Breath? there was a kanji of Hi or fore in there and the disguised Sun Breath is called Hinokami No Kagura. Canon is certainly getting derail from here. So Sabito and Makomo are confirmed to be Squall, Tifa, and Cloud's descendants.

Not to mention the mistery of Sora!Tanjiro and Xion!Nezuko's dual colored swords. I get the clue that the golden color is linked back to their nature as the wileder of Kingdom Key. While the black color on Tanjiro's sword is kinda preditacle, it's the white one on Nezuko's sword that I found intriguing.
5/22/2020 c6 Yolea Irk's
Huh. Oyakata-sama is summoning Sora? Wondering what it is about. Cannot be just about Xion!Nezuko because he can have it done in Hashira meeting. Loved that you having Zenitsu and Inosuke joined the fray earlier, although Inosuke onlu showed briefly. Seriously, those boys needs more love!
5/19/2020 c5 phuxeds
Having Xion/Nezuko continue to wear the muzzle seems off to me. I mean, they can talk.
5/18/2020 c5 Yolea Irk's
Is that Leon and Aerith I spotted in Sabito and Makomo, or is it Cloud and Tifa? Is Giyuu is Riku? I'm aware that Shizue is going to be a significant oc, but I had no idea whether she's a reincarnated or not. Thanks for the shoutout! I hope more will recognize how amazing your story is.
5/14/2020 c4 Yolea Irk's
The reason why demons never ate human foods is indeed unexplained. But if I had to assume, they might be a similar case with ghouls from Tokyo Ghoul. Their ingestion and healing system could be radically different from humans, hence their inability to eat normal human foods. They need specific nutricients to replenish their power. So far, the only demon who blatantly refused eating humans is Nezuko and there's a mention she has done it because either she has the protection in form of her connection with Sun Breath or her antibody.

I think this chapter is great. It's offered different play from the canon verse. I'm glad you actually not follow canon.
5/9/2020 c3 Yolea Irk's
Overally you have done it well. I had feared the worst since Sora!Tanjiro did come home. Thought the seweed head (Kibutsuji Muzan) was about to kill him and made him a demon. Then again, I'm glad you used Xion instead. I was wondering who the heck the voices in the Station of Heart was. And there are the two of them. Are they a sort of entolity or they are a Keyblade wielders from ancient time?
5/8/2020 c1 28Sunny Lighter
Interesting story premise. I can't wait to see who has reincarnated as who.
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