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for The Governor's daughter

9/5 c7 Guest
I want to know what will happen next, please update soon!
8/13 c5 Guest
I love this! Women in the 18th century is less likely to use swords, but i like it anyway!
8/2 c5 daydreamer987
I like the OC and I always love Jack... I can’t wait to read more!
7/20 c3 Guest
I’ve read through three chapters and came up with a few pointers...
This story has potential, but could benefit for a couple of tweaks...First of all since Madelyn is the main character, one your readers come to identify with through your writing (especially since she’s the more unorthodox, second governor’s daughter, character trait that is often used in POTC fics), she would leave a greater of an impact if you gave her more her own lines in the beginning and not simply reuse Elizabeth’s lines from the movie. Things to say that would mold her character and introduce her to your readers instead of hearing about in narration only, and she is a bit to the passive heroine side in the first chapters patrly due to all her development simply relayed to us instead of it happening within the context of the movie.
Also I am up for quick storyteling, but your way of speeding past the events so rapidly with at times barely stopping to describe the setting makes the beginning rushed, especially in the third chapter where the whole attack occurs and ends happens within a span of a single paragraph or two. So some more time dedicated to description of setting and your character’s inclusion to the events through action along with her engagement with canon characters would help to flesh out who
Madelyn is and how she is in the world around her.

And last thing, at times there are some issues with the grammar that made it hard to follow the flow of the story, but it’s not something major. Just a little bit more editing and it’ll turn out fine.

This tirade of mine isn’t meant as an insult, I just wish to give some constructive critisism thst I know is hard to come in reviews, and only want to support you by pointing these things out. This isnt meant to come out harsh, just something to consider as you continue to write this story and try to distinguish it from the others out there :)

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