Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Redemption

6/10 c21 Guest
Good story.

Can’t wait for the next chapter!
6/8 c21 14Gs33022
Dear Emerald:

This chapter was well worth the wait! I loved the conversation between Mr. Wonka and Grandpa Joe in this chapter, especially the Everlasting Gobstopper. Was Joe secretly admiring Wonka a reference to the book, since this side wasn't really shown in the final film? Anyways, I also liked the touch with Tom and the scarf. Was that a reference to his birthday present in the film? I really enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you conquer the writer's block soon!

‐‐ Gabe :)
6/8 c21 7ABBAbethTheHamster
I think that the analysis of the Everlasting Gobstopper very much has gotten memetic by this point. People always note that the shape makes it hard to suck on, but this is the first time I've ever seen Mr. Wonka himself acknowledge that the very concept makes no sense from a revenue perspective. (This isn't a criticism; I'm giving props to the fact that the creator himself is intentionally lampooning the candy.) In hindsight, it makes total sense; if there really was a slight chance that the sample candy that you showed to four children whom you met only that very day could fall into the wrong hands, then the safest bet would be to use a prop. The Everlasting Gobstopper still seems like a good concept in theory, though, although the life before it started to shrink probably would have to be reduced to a month or so, with the name changed for a more suitably descriptive fit.
6/8 c21 63Erik'sTrueAngel
I always thought the same about the Gobstopper. If it keeps going forever... Then why would you buy anything else? But to find out it was a ruse... Lol. Well played Wonka. I loved the conversation with him and Grandpa Joe. Whatever concerns or loose ends they had between each other are put to rest. It would be curious if Joe did sell it to Slugsworth for retribution, but I hope if Charlie said no then he wouldn't. The impulsive need to punish could have serious consequences and I think Joe sees that. At least they don't need to wonder since it didn't happen!
4/18 c1 dhea11
Such a treasure each one of these books isI've heard a few of them and can't wait to read most of theseIf you have some great stories like this one, you can publish it on Novel Star, just submit your story to hardy novelstar. top or joye novelstar. top
3/29 c20 Gs33022
I forgot to include this in my original review. It was also said, "He asked two of his Oompa Loompas take over from him..." (forgot the word "to" after "Oompa-Loompas.")
3/29 c20 14Gs33022
Dear Emerald:

This was another great chapter! I liked how you included how the Bucket family was dealing with the loss of Grandpa George, especially Grandma Georgina. I also found it funny how Charlie brought up Mr. Turkentine's sarcastic joke. XD

Keep up the great work!

- Gabe S. :)

(P.S. I feel like I must note, while reading this, I spotted four errors, in the following order:

1. "...grieving herself but It felt good..." ("it" is capitalized unnecessarily)
2. "still, regardless of your teachers , being..." (large space with the comma)
3. "So is a car," he replied curtly . (large space with the period after "curtly")
4. "He asked two of his Oompa Loompas..." (no hyphen)

Aside from those errors, I enjoyed this chapter! Keep it up!
3/29 c20 14Squirrela
It’s interesting to see these mundane trappings of life, mixed with the challenges of becoming mini-celebrities in the town. Most places, people would think nothing of the person who was given the honour of becoming Wonka’s apprentice and their family: probably wouldn’t make any difference to them: likely some rich kid who wouldn’t deign to spend time with ordinary people. But when you know them, know that they are ordinary people who have been whisked away to the lap of luxury, it’s very different.
3/28 c20 63Erik'sTrueAngel
Glad they're doing better but with grief... You take one day at a time. Loved that Essie treated herself to a haircut. Too bad that Mrs. Peterson had to ruin things. But since her husband had worked for Wonka... Can understand her suspicions. Hope this doesn't spell bad news though. Can't wait to see Charlie and Wonka get into next!
3/27 c20 7ABBAbethTheHamster
I SO want to hang around in that room with the toffee apple trees and Candy Cane Lane! It makes me think of the Chocolate Room, only without the river. Planting the trees sounds like fun!

I wonder where Mr. Wonka will take Charlie in the Wonkavator? I can't imagine that the former would want to go too far out, but I'll have to see. (Loompaland comes to mind for some reason, despite all logic to the contrary.)
2/13 c7 Lady Vagabond
I liked the ''first section'', this is the first time I've seen Charlie portrayed as a baby... even in flashback scenes, I've never seen anyone else do that before! (I myself have written a short scene involving Willy when he was a baby, in the arms of his lovely mother; it will be included in the next story I post.)

Mr. Bucket never appears in the 1971 film, and while he is in the 2005 film we don't really get a sense of his personality and interests other than being a hardworking family man skilled at fixing machines (i.e. we didn't get to know his character in-depth). It seems to me that in this flashback scene you have presented, Mr. Bucket was very close to his infant son, and also showed a very keen interest in the Factory. Additionally, Mrs. Bucket was lucky to have such an affectionate and caring husband; sadly not all married women have that privilege. Seeing him as a person really makes the fact of his death even sadder.

In other words, well done with the beginning of this chapter. And I'm dreadfully sorry for not reading/reviewing your stories since October 2020, especially after I mentioned that I wanted to review the rest of your chapters. Moving to a different country on my own has certainly been more time-consuming than I thought it'd be. But I'm happily in Toronto now, so starting now I will try my best to write and review stories more often. :-)
2/6 c19 63Erik'sTrueAngel
Really appreciated the head's up. This was a really sad chapter! Everything started off so well with the launching of the Toffee Treats and the chocolate soap (would be tempted to buy... fyi) and at first... I thought maybe the bad thing would be the toffees didn't sell well. But wasn't expecting Grandpa George. That was very sudden and that poor family! And poor Esther! Thinking she had to be strong. Wonka was there when she needed him most and so glad he said what he did to Joe. He's not the only person grieving and he needs to remember that. Despite it being sad, this was still a good chapter!
2/6 c19 14Squirrela
Wow. Such a joyful time to be followed by such sadness. I love the straight talking at the end, too. Very true.

Thank you.
2/3 c19 7ABBAbethTheHamster
Wow. For a tragedy, you captured the grief perfectly well. I remember when my own maternal grandfather died; there was so much going on with Grandma (although she was more irritated than anything) that various members of that side of the family had to come to her turf to assist with post-mortem proceedings. Within the story, I remember that a previous chapter had a part about George having a mild heart problem; was this a continuity?

On a happier note, I noticed a mention of Easter preparations amidst the chocolate hygiene products. Perhaps the giant geese from the movie will make a passing comeback?
2/2 c19 14Gs33022
Dear emeraldphan:

Oh, no! I expected this to happen based upon your hint in our PM, but how you described this scene here was extremely impactful. And I see Grandpa Joe is finally getting some character development! This story has taken an interesting turn, and I'm eager to see what will happen next!

- Gabe S.

(PS. I spotted a few errors:

".Gently he placed..." [period before 'gently']

"Why me anyways...Why not...Oompa-Loompas?," [unnecessary comma after the question mark, and no comma after the word, 'me']

These errors aside, I really enjoyed this chapter. Keep it up!
82 Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service