for Back to the Beginning
166/12 c16 Guest
just a note... you use quarts instead of quartz repeatedly in this chapter
just a note... you use quarts instead of quartz repeatedly in this chapter
6/11 c4 DaveC
Stopped reading this as this chapter was just the straw that broke the yayayayaya too junior for me gonna go look for a better story.
Stopped reading this as this chapter was just the straw that broke the yayayayaya too junior for me gonna go look for a better story.
6/10 c26 LAB1
This was a very interesting and original story! I'd like to know more about Luna and that back story. I loved Mauraders Inc and the wolves. The bodyguard seemed odd. Harry couldn't have been stopped by the wolf if he was there. He wasn't answering Flitwick and then was out. Having a bodyguard was probably wise, but not for that situation. Oh well, it was a fun story and I liked the house on the moon idea! And the light saber!
This was a very interesting and original story! I'd like to know more about Luna and that back story. I loved Mauraders Inc and the wolves. The bodyguard seemed odd. Harry couldn't have been stopped by the wolf if he was there. He wasn't answering Flitwick and then was out. Having a bodyguard was probably wise, but not for that situation. Oh well, it was a fun story and I liked the house on the moon idea! And the light saber!
5/14 c24 Simianpower
The usage of the Fidelius Charm in this story is wildly inconsistent and contrary to canon. Harry's throwing them around like candy now, without secret keepers, without having to let people in on secrets, and so on. In this chapter he throws a quick and easy Fidelius around the Prometheus and literally two paragraphs later the Minister is calling about... wait for it... the Prometheus, which he should have forgotten the existence of due to the Fidelius.
It's not a concealment charm! It hides a secret, whether that be "Harry is an animagus" or "the Prometheus exists", and all evidence of it, in another person's soul. That person has to tell others about it or else they can't even think of it.
You've been using it wrong since the start and only getting worse as the story progressed. Harry's been bringing literally hundreds of students, staff, and other guests to his Fidelius-protected houses. AT BEST that weakens the secret to the point that it's useless. At worst, depending on interpretation, they shouldn't even be able to see or understand where they are, their brains forgetting what their senses tell them in real-time.
Overall the security, family magic, Fidelius, and similar aspects of this story are probably the second-worst handled. The science being the worst. The general writing quality is mostly good, but the technical bits are awful, whether they're magical or scientific or both. Some if it is Harry's ignorance, no matter how smart or well-read he's supposed to be. But most is just how the technical parts are handled by the author, rife with mistakes and in many cases direct contradictions of how things actually work. It's not terrible, but the WTF moments pile up on top of one another a bit much for my taste. I'm nearly to the end of the story, so I'll finish it, but I'm enjoying it less the further along I get, and I'm unsure if I'll read the sequel even though getting to that is why I put up with all of this in the first place.
The usage of the Fidelius Charm in this story is wildly inconsistent and contrary to canon. Harry's throwing them around like candy now, without secret keepers, without having to let people in on secrets, and so on. In this chapter he throws a quick and easy Fidelius around the Prometheus and literally two paragraphs later the Minister is calling about... wait for it... the Prometheus, which he should have forgotten the existence of due to the Fidelius.
It's not a concealment charm! It hides a secret, whether that be "Harry is an animagus" or "the Prometheus exists", and all evidence of it, in another person's soul. That person has to tell others about it or else they can't even think of it.
You've been using it wrong since the start and only getting worse as the story progressed. Harry's been bringing literally hundreds of students, staff, and other guests to his Fidelius-protected houses. AT BEST that weakens the secret to the point that it's useless. At worst, depending on interpretation, they shouldn't even be able to see or understand where they are, their brains forgetting what their senses tell them in real-time.
Overall the security, family magic, Fidelius, and similar aspects of this story are probably the second-worst handled. The science being the worst. The general writing quality is mostly good, but the technical bits are awful, whether they're magical or scientific or both. Some if it is Harry's ignorance, no matter how smart or well-read he's supposed to be. But most is just how the technical parts are handled by the author, rife with mistakes and in many cases direct contradictions of how things actually work. It's not terrible, but the WTF moments pile up on top of one another a bit much for my taste. I'm nearly to the end of the story, so I'll finish it, but I'm enjoying it less the further along I get, and I'm unsure if I'll read the sequel even though getting to that is why I put up with all of this in the first place.
5/14 c23 Simianpower
This whole chapter felt... off? Lots of ? moments.
"There are only people you trust here." And one of them is Dumbledore? He's never shared "family magic" with Dumbledore before. He shares it far too freely as it is, with a simple "I trust you", and it kinda negates the entire concept of family magics.
The repeated berating, the bodyguard/babysitters, so much just felt either pointless or simply annoying. Nothing terrible, but I'd prefer that this entire chapter simply not exist. Nothing truly important would be lost from the story.
This whole chapter felt... off? Lots of ? moments.
"There are only people you trust here." And one of them is Dumbledore? He's never shared "family magic" with Dumbledore before. He shares it far too freely as it is, with a simple "I trust you", and it kinda negates the entire concept of family magics.
The repeated berating, the bodyguard/babysitters, so much just felt either pointless or simply annoying. Nothing terrible, but I'd prefer that this entire chapter simply not exist. Nothing truly important would be lost from the story.
5/14 c22 Simianpower
If you ever re-write this, you really need to learn the definitions, differences, and implications of mass, weight, acceleration, gravity, inertia, momentum, and so on. Because what you describe in this story would kill pretty much anyone using it unless they were a golem. In general, using physics and chemistry and biology in a story when you don't thoroughly understand what you're writing about just results in a janky story. (Also gigatons are billions, not trillions, of tons.)
I'm glad you treated climate change realistically, though. That's pretty rare. I do think that for magicals there would be easier and more subtle ways to reduce atmospheric CO2, though, maybe through some kind of artificial microorganism. Then again, Harry seems to like large things more than small ones.
If you ever re-write this, you really need to learn the definitions, differences, and implications of mass, weight, acceleration, gravity, inertia, momentum, and so on. Because what you describe in this story would kill pretty much anyone using it unless they were a golem. In general, using physics and chemistry and biology in a story when you don't thoroughly understand what you're writing about just results in a janky story. (Also gigatons are billions, not trillions, of tons.)
I'm glad you treated climate change realistically, though. That's pretty rare. I do think that for magicals there would be easier and more subtle ways to reduce atmospheric CO2, though, maybe through some kind of artificial microorganism. Then again, Harry seems to like large things more than small ones.
5/13 c21 Simianpower
It's a good thing Harry figured out some of the difficulties setting up colonization on Mars. But he missed the biggest one: no magnetic field. There are very small and weak magnetic fields on the surface of Mars, but no planetary scale protective field like Earth has. It's theorized that this is why there's no atmosphere even though in the past there was. The solar wind is blocked from Earth, but on Mars it's not. So high-energy ions bounce off neutral atmospheric particles, which ionizes them and makes them subject to the magnetic pressure of the solar wind. Over time this strips away the atmosphere. So even if he could make a new one, it would be like pouring sand into a sieve. Even if he made atmosphere faster than it was stripped away, it's still a temporary solution unless he has an infinite source of mass. Not only that, but without the magnetic field and atmosphere, solar radiation and cosmic rays have nothing blocking them, which would result in all kinds of cancers for everyone. This is also a problem for his moon house if he spends a lot of time there.
It's a good thing Harry figured out some of the difficulties setting up colonization on Mars. But he missed the biggest one: no magnetic field. There are very small and weak magnetic fields on the surface of Mars, but no planetary scale protective field like Earth has. It's theorized that this is why there's no atmosphere even though in the past there was. The solar wind is blocked from Earth, but on Mars it's not. So high-energy ions bounce off neutral atmospheric particles, which ionizes them and makes them subject to the magnetic pressure of the solar wind. Over time this strips away the atmosphere. So even if he could make a new one, it would be like pouring sand into a sieve. Even if he made atmosphere faster than it was stripped away, it's still a temporary solution unless he has an infinite source of mass. Not only that, but without the magnetic field and atmosphere, solar radiation and cosmic rays have nothing blocking them, which would result in all kinds of cancers for everyone. This is also a problem for his moon house if he spends a lot of time there.
5/13 c17 Simianpower
All the students brought from Beauxbatons were female... in the movie. Not in the book. And then just a few paragraphs later Madame Maxime tries to recruit Harry to her school, clearly indicating that there ARE in fact male students there. So... what, do they all just suck? Did not one of them show a hint of worthiness to compete? Is the school just massively sexist? In this one chapter you open up more plot holes and inconsistencies than JKR does in an entire book!
And that's really NOT how lasers work! Again, if you want to put science into your story that's great, but learn how it works first. The 80s movie Real Genius did a better job with the science and that was a comedy! Almost nothing that you wrote about lasers is true. I know, because I did PhD level work using some of the most advanced lasers in the world (at the time). It's annoying to see them explained so wrongly. Same with the electromagnets/polarity bit. That's created not by electrons "going in the same direction" but rather by going in CIRCLES in the same direction. Electrons going straight in one direction creates a circular magnetic field around the wire; so you wrap the wire around a magnetic conductor and all of those circles suddenly stack up and you have a polarity.
The physics is by far the weakest part of this story, which is disappointing since it's literally about applying physics to magic. But when the base physics is almost always wrong, like it was scraped from a half-coherent Wikipedia article and then changed here and there for plot convenience, it just comes off as amateurish.
All the students brought from Beauxbatons were female... in the movie. Not in the book. And then just a few paragraphs later Madame Maxime tries to recruit Harry to her school, clearly indicating that there ARE in fact male students there. So... what, do they all just suck? Did not one of them show a hint of worthiness to compete? Is the school just massively sexist? In this one chapter you open up more plot holes and inconsistencies than JKR does in an entire book!
And that's really NOT how lasers work! Again, if you want to put science into your story that's great, but learn how it works first. The 80s movie Real Genius did a better job with the science and that was a comedy! Almost nothing that you wrote about lasers is true. I know, because I did PhD level work using some of the most advanced lasers in the world (at the time). It's annoying to see them explained so wrongly. Same with the electromagnets/polarity bit. That's created not by electrons "going in the same direction" but rather by going in CIRCLES in the same direction. Electrons going straight in one direction creates a circular magnetic field around the wire; so you wrap the wire around a magnetic conductor and all of those circles suddenly stack up and you have a polarity.
The physics is by far the weakest part of this story, which is disappointing since it's literally about applying physics to magic. But when the base physics is almost always wrong, like it was scraped from a half-coherent Wikipedia article and then changed here and there for plot convenience, it just comes off as amateurish.
5/13 c16 Simianpower
Is there a reason the other schools show up a week into school rather than the canonical Halloween, two full months later? If it's there, it's not mentioned anywhere in the story.
And: quartz and silicon, not quarts and silicone.
And Hermione giving away Harry's secrets because "she decided" something is exactly why she's not trustworthy. I'm sure it'll go over just fine in this fic like it does in every other one, but c'mon! At the very least anyone who has once violated Harry's privacy should be made to take a binding vow not to do so again. So... Charlie Weasley, Hermione, several others I can't remember.
Finally... the continuous, repeated sexual assaults have gone beyond redundant and into the territory of annoyingly repetitive now. It's an overly convenient way for Harry to get on the girl's good side by stopping it, and it's become a lazy trope by now. Once or twice was enough, but this is what, the fourth or fifth time this plot element has repeated?
Is there a reason the other schools show up a week into school rather than the canonical Halloween, two full months later? If it's there, it's not mentioned anywhere in the story.
And: quartz and silicon, not quarts and silicone.
And Hermione giving away Harry's secrets because "she decided" something is exactly why she's not trustworthy. I'm sure it'll go over just fine in this fic like it does in every other one, but c'mon! At the very least anyone who has once violated Harry's privacy should be made to take a binding vow not to do so again. So... Charlie Weasley, Hermione, several others I can't remember.
Finally... the continuous, repeated sexual assaults have gone beyond redundant and into the territory of annoyingly repetitive now. It's an overly convenient way for Harry to get on the girl's good side by stopping it, and it's become a lazy trope by now. Once or twice was enough, but this is what, the fourth or fifth time this plot element has repeated?
5/11 c12 Simianpower
GAH! STOP SAYING "DARK SIDE OF THE MOON" when you mean "far side". "When the sun shines on the dark side of the moon" is one of the most nonsensical sentences I've ever read in my life! And no, "Muggles" don't say that. Only idiots say that. And you keep trying to prove how smart Hermione is, so having her say that is the worst!
In general, though, this was a good chapter. Minus all the smirking. NOBODY actually smirks, so whenever someone uses the word as often as you do I just think "they mean smile, but think using 'smirk' instead makes them sound smarter." It doesn't. It just means you've read too much bad fanfic and internalized it.
GAH! STOP SAYING "DARK SIDE OF THE MOON" when you mean "far side". "When the sun shines on the dark side of the moon" is one of the most nonsensical sentences I've ever read in my life! And no, "Muggles" don't say that. Only idiots say that. And you keep trying to prove how smart Hermione is, so having her say that is the worst!
In general, though, this was a good chapter. Minus all the smirking. NOBODY actually smirks, so whenever someone uses the word as often as you do I just think "they mean smile, but think using 'smirk' instead makes them sound smarter." It doesn't. It just means you've read too much bad fanfic and internalized it.
5/11 c11 Simianpower
It's clear with this chapter that you have no idea what gravity is or does. They need inertial dampening, which is not just gravity from the other side, which would INCREASE acceleration and thus flatten them all. Inertia and gravity are not the same thing. You use the words, but don't know what they mean. And "slowing acceleration until they were maintaining speed" is self-contradictory, because acceleration is literally defined as change in speed. If you mean he decreased THRUST such that their speed was balanced with the little remaining gravity (i.e. they were not accelerating), or decreasing acceleration to zero, then that's a different story, but that's not what you wrote. Learn what the words mean! This whole bit was simply embarrassing. Especially the whole speaking on the moon bit. Even if Harry's suit lets him breathe, sound wouldn't transmit beyond him, nor from Voldemort to him. Sure, you can handwave it away as "it's just magic", but then you need to explain the magic or it just reads like you don't know what you're writing about and/or bad writing. You spent all this time going over all the little details of the magic, and then throw all that effort away by not understanding the physics of what you're writing about.
It's clear with this chapter that you have no idea what gravity is or does. They need inertial dampening, which is not just gravity from the other side, which would INCREASE acceleration and thus flatten them all. Inertia and gravity are not the same thing. You use the words, but don't know what they mean. And "slowing acceleration until they were maintaining speed" is self-contradictory, because acceleration is literally defined as change in speed. If you mean he decreased THRUST such that their speed was balanced with the little remaining gravity (i.e. they were not accelerating), or decreasing acceleration to zero, then that's a different story, but that's not what you wrote. Learn what the words mean! This whole bit was simply embarrassing. Especially the whole speaking on the moon bit. Even if Harry's suit lets him breathe, sound wouldn't transmit beyond him, nor from Voldemort to him. Sure, you can handwave it away as "it's just magic", but then you need to explain the magic or it just reads like you don't know what you're writing about and/or bad writing. You spent all this time going over all the little details of the magic, and then throw all that effort away by not understanding the physics of what you're writing about.
5/11 c8 Simianpower
Second years can't even go to Hogsmeade, so that entire little subplot makes no canonical sense. If Harry got some kind of exemption from McG due to being in his 20s mentally, that should've been mentioned in the story and would likely cause all kinds of ripples and jealousy.
Also, not sure if it's canon but it makes sense that if you're under the Imperius you can't also cast the Imperius, both because your will is being suppressed AND because you likely aren't all that strong-willed in the first place. And because you likely don't WANT to control someone else, which is a key requirement of the spell.
Overall this was a pretty weak chapter that didn't actually add anything of value to the story, since Harry has already saved a lot of girls and this was just a more nonsensical repetition of that.
Second years can't even go to Hogsmeade, so that entire little subplot makes no canonical sense. If Harry got some kind of exemption from McG due to being in his 20s mentally, that should've been mentioned in the story and would likely cause all kinds of ripples and jealousy.
Also, not sure if it's canon but it makes sense that if you're under the Imperius you can't also cast the Imperius, both because your will is being suppressed AND because you likely aren't all that strong-willed in the first place. And because you likely don't WANT to control someone else, which is a key requirement of the spell.
Overall this was a pretty weak chapter that didn't actually add anything of value to the story, since Harry has already saved a lot of girls and this was just a more nonsensical repetition of that.
5/10 c7 Simianpower
"The other ladies" are 11-12 year old girls. This isn't a cocktail party. It's an elementary school play-date.
"What I will never do is to choose one of you over the others." Bullshit. Either he's saying "I ain't dating any of you" or "If I date one of you, I'm dating all of you", and neither of those options would win him any points with 12-year-old girls.
"The other ladies" are 11-12 year old girls. This isn't a cocktail party. It's an elementary school play-date.
"What I will never do is to choose one of you over the others." Bullshit. Either he's saying "I ain't dating any of you" or "If I date one of you, I'm dating all of you", and neither of those options would win him any points with 12-year-old girls.