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for Soft and Tender the Trigger

6/6 c2 22thoughts-of-joy-dreams-of-love
Good chapter! I like how you're thinking about how to weave Eran into the movie's plot without centering everyone's attention on him, because I feel that can be a problem with many OC-centric stories. By and large, I think you're succeeding at getting him involved without making him take over the plot in a contrived way. It was also really sweet to see Troy comfort Eran in the bathroom. And it's pretty adorable how Eran can already feel himself falling for Kelsi and he knows he's in big trouble.

My one piece of advice was that I think this chapter got...overly verbose at parts? It's definitely a tendency I have as well, so no judgement lol. Figurative language and unique phrasing are great as long as clarity remains the top priority.

But I can tell you're putting a lot of thought and effort into this story, which is always great to see! And I think Eran is one of the more compelling OCs I've come across. Keep up the good work!
5/23 c1 thoughts-of-joy-dreams-of-love
Interesting story! You have a really unique writing style with some great imagery - I liked the description of the light between the blinds falling on Kelsi. I'm not normally into OC-centric fics, but I'm intrigued by Eran's background and he seems like a good match for Kelsi. I'm looking forward to seeing where you go from here! :)

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