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for Pillar Winged

5/29 c20 mani1aboi
Thanks for the update!

I’m glad they all managed to survive the night, even with a little spicy and awkward interaction with Minato and Homura at the end. Excited for the next update, looking forward to the smut coming and how the story will play out!
5/21 c1 Z-Breezy
Capitalize the W in the title.
5/20 c20 CincyRail
thanks for the chapter looking forward to seeing the next one kid up the good work
5/20 c20 rider09mk2
Thanks for this Chapter! I loved it! It was kinda funny at the end though! Poor Homura, Tsukiumi and Our Ice Girl!
3/25 c1 Seta88
As this is a still ongoing story, you really need to rework the first chapter.
The lemon was one of the worst I read so far, there is no atmosphere, no feeling it reads like a checklist.
That the sentences are shortened and repeated, while missing words doesn't make it better.
I can't immerse myself in the story and especially the lemon part when I need to correct every second sentences in my mind. That is especially sad as the story sounds interesting. After reading the first chapter, I hoped at the end of your lemon that it was the only one you have in the story.
3/14 c3 E
Well, maybe by chapter 7 this story suddenly becomes amazing. I can't understand why it would be so well reviewed otherwise as the prose has remained full of issues even till the end of this chapter. I'm not gonna stick around to find out, though.
3/14 c1 E
I'm going to try and at least read one more chapter of this story as there are so very few Miya-centric stories that aren't shitfics. First impressions aren't great for this one either, but it's not horrible or anything.

I have two main issues and a tertiary, more opinionated issue:

1) There is a critical deficit of articles, pronouns, and adverbs in sentences or the wrong ones are used. For an example that has problems common to almost every single paragraph in the story: "Instead of the Inn, Miya was pulled along. A sort of cheap, dirty, and not at all hygienic sort of apartments." What Inn? A reader of Sekirei may know that Miya owns an Inn, but the chapter has flip-flopped from character focus between both Minato and Miya, so not specifying *her* Inn could make it a little ambiguous which Inn is being referenced. The sentence is also a complete non-sequitur. She was "pulled along" and then the next sentence is describing the interior of Minato's apartment. I know what you mean, but you have cut out important transitional words that connect these two sentences together, and that makes it read poorly. It interrupts the flow and makes it stand out. This doesn't even need to be two sentences; it could read as "Instead of to her Inn, Miya was pulled along *to* a cheap, dirty, and not at all hygienic sort of apartment." Apartment also shouldn't be plural, as you wrote. I'd argue the last descriptor also is redundant as being dirty and being unhygienic are relatively synonymous, but it's creative writing so that's less important. Pretty much every paragraph longer than a sentence in the first chapter seems to have issued like this. It doesn't make the story horrible or infuriating to read, but it's certainly not fun.

2) I think it detracts from the reading experience how quickly the pace moves. I get that when you wrote this, you most likely wanted to just get through everything as quick as possible and start on the smut; but Miya is one of the very few actually somewhat complex characters Sekirei canon has and I'd vastly prefer some tension and set up before she decides "nah, I'm done mourning Takehito, time to get over my decade of obsession with this guy I've known for an hour just because he's my Ashikabi". I'm not saying she's spitting his memory or anything, I think she deserves the happiness. But I think *she* would think that and be very hesitant to allow herself to he winged. She's a very cautious person and committed to staying out of the Plan; to just change her mind at the drop of a hat feels a little out of character and I think that guaruntee that this story now has to (to maintain this pace) eschew any interesting character arcs. Maybe you don't care about that, but I do think it makes the story objectively worse. So what if it's porn? Even the raunchiest smut can have a banger plot.

Lastly, and I think this is at least half a me-problem, the smut was boring as hell. Incredibly vanilla, copy and paste, lifeless sex scene. I don't need crazy kinks, but could you be a little more descriptive? Take your time. Just flying through as many basic positions as possible makes it seem like your marking off a checklist. Did we do blowjob? Check. Did we do titty fuck? Check. Did we do vaginal? Check. Did we do anal? Check.
It just feels lazy. I'd rather just see a single, intense vaginal scene than this sterile slop. It's not intense enough to be hot and it's too vague to be romantic, so it's just skim worthy text.
I could probably write a whole review on just my personal issues with the smut here, but it's unnecessary. If it's still unsatisfactory in a chapter or two, I'll just leave.

I really hope the rest of this is better.
3/8 c19 2biginferno
really enjoyed this story i hope you update and complete this great one too bad Yume didnt surive in the show and that Minato didnt wing Karasuba and Miya and Uzume among others that would have been great
9/21/2023 c18 rider09mk2
Great Job! i really love this Chapter! i hope to Read more Takami Lemons in the future!
9/14/2023 c18 codywhite162
This was a truly excellent chapter! The taboo subject matter present in this chapter doesn't bother me any as you have stated it is merely a work of fiction and thus I am able to separate reality from that of this story. I also read quite a few Naruto stories where he is paired with his mother Kushina and they are very well written and handle the taboo nature quite well like Contract of the Shinigami for one. I digress, well done and I cannot wait for the next update from you :)
9/12/2023 c7 fridgeraiderz
Way to ruin everything with this disgusting ntr
9/12/2023 c18 raelarial1
next up fucking both the mom and sister at the same time ;)
9/12/2023 c18 NeoAFMH
Why I think Minato is homonculus with dna from all sekirei combined
9/12/2023 c18 27InsaneMakaioshin
1. Finally, he told his mother off.
2. EW! Incest!
9/12/2023 c18 waytodawn0
OK first wasn’t expecting that. And second, yeah, I could expect that.
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