FanFiction.Net
Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Monochrome

11/23 c2 just100eyes
Dumbledore, Amelia and Percy are trying to find out if Harry is responsible for the 14 deaths, which seems to be caused by the monochrome barrier. Harry freaks out in the middle of the questioning and the room starts flickering grey. Percy, understandably, freaks out and Dumbledore sends him out. The problem is that Dumbledore and Amelia continue questioning Harry and if he had created the monochrome barrier (killed the 14 guys), completely forgetting why Percy freaked out (grey flickering) which is a dead giveaway that yes, Harry is responsible for creating the monochrome barrier, and thus resulting in 14 deaths.
11/23 c2 just100eyes
reading this, the fact that neither Dumbledore or Amelia gave much of a reaction to the grey flickers seems odd. I mean Percy gave a reasonable reaction (sort of), but the other two just forgot about it after Percy left the room
11/23 c22 5Wakefan
Really enjoying the rewrite.
At first I was a bit annoyed at having to read it all again.
It is worth the extra time.
Thank you for sharing.
11/23 c30 yrfgd
Very interesting alterations from the original story. I would point out that two instances during the cross-examination were written as if Harry was the one doing the cross examination not Joshua.
11/23 c20 Wakefan
So, will the DMLE get involved? An attack by people wearing disguises and using lethal curses in Diagon Alley. In broad daylight. If nothing else, plenty of eye witnesses will know what happened. Rumors spread. Harry should have people talking about how a bunch of Death Eater wannabes attacked and tried to kill him. If it gets suppressed, the rumors will only grow.

The DMLE really should get involved.
11/23 c31 6ChiruKaio
uh ... okay I rerade the last to chapter ... thought something along the line of didn't it happen differently? And then at the end ... weren't they already on their way back to Hogwarts?

after the Authors note ... I think I will need to return to chapter 1. Maybe it would be goodif possibleto change the title or add the note: Rewriten to it. Soemhow it would have been easier to just get the Authors Note with reference to check out the Rewriten Story to continue their.

I am not sure. Beside that I will rerade the whole thing since in the end I was somehow lost.
11/23 c31 DreadRed
I've been a long time reader of your work.

The two of you have improved tremendously and have a real gift in writing. Your stories are interesting and I suspect that is all any author really needs in the end. What I admire most though is that unlike other authors who write with great skill, you take on the most overused cliche's in the entire fandom and breathe new life into them, as though you just don't care and I belief this is only a plus to you, regardless of what anyone else says.

I have read this story again and here are my two cents. Before that though, as with any criticism please take it only as seriously as may seem wise to you, the authors know their story the best.

First, good work with Fleur. I admit that in the first version I was a little baffled at her character. There was quite a bit I couldn't understand as a reader and while I thought of it to be simply a case of you withholding the details for future development I am glad to see the current version to be much better fleshed out as a character.

Second, Albus Dumbledore. I must confess a bias here, I like the character quite a bit. He is written as a complex one even back in the source material, as a flawed mentor who despite his many strengths is still just as human as anyone else. I feel this version of your story does him better justice than the last. This is only a suggestion but if you wish to understand what I mean by writing him well, I suggest you read the story Harry Potter and the accidental Horcrux and it's sequel which has been updated recently (specifically I mean chapter 50 titled 'Albus Dumbledore' in the book and the sequel). I believe that he is a phenomenal character and exactly the aforementioned fic gives him the exact sort of elaborate characterization that may well be a bit of a case study for you.

It's always a pleasure to read anything of yours. I look forward to all your works, whether they be fanfiction or original.
11/23 c27 1GreyGrass
brilliant introduction of the thestral, love when fics include the thestral as part of peverell history
11/23 c31 4BROMBROS
And here I was that this was going to be the newest chapter only to be let down.
11/23 c31 nilluminator
I don't even mind reading the third version of the same story (or whatever ship of Theseus euphemism is apt here). Any chance you can make the older version available separately? I'll just go back to reading this from the start, once again.
11/23 c31 UmbramAnimae
I felt that much of the rewrite removed the majesty of the Family Magics. Both Peverell and Greengrass magics have lost examples of their power and as a result it feels much less interesting.
11/22 c9 JackBlaze123
I absolutely love the fact that you went with Andromeda getting accepted back in the House of Black. Honestly makes more sense that Sirius would try to do that instead of just let things remain as they are.

That said, a bit of confusion. You describe Andromeda as black haired in this chapter, yet have her be blond haired in the next one. I assume it's a case of a forgotten edit?
11/22 c11 Strolling Along
Adding to my prior review (Ch12) - the missing bit about why the "declared as an adult" feels like a plot miss:

Harry objects to using magic to help clean Sirius' home because he claims to be underage, yet he knows the Ministry has declared him of-age .. or else he wouldn't be headed to a trial.
11/22 c12 Strolling Along
Soo .. I've had mixed impressions on your work thus far in this story. I started re-reading it given the notice posted earlier today, and with this chapter, it seems like the rewrite either failed to replace this specific chapter or there are still gaping plot problems.

Two examples between Ch1 and Ch12: (a) Harry was clearly declared an adult by Madam Bones in an earlier chapter, and from that is required to be held over for a full trial based on the flimsy evidence against him as the sole survivor for the graveyard scenario. (b) In this chapter, suddenly Kreacher is returned to the world of the living - despite knowing he would die and the prior chapters indicating yes, he was dead in every aspect (fading, not responding to commands from Sirius to appear, etc.).

So are these just lingering plot misses, failed chapter replacements, or something else?
11/22 c21 1GreyGrass
honestly, up till this far, you've written this far better than the first time. Still have to wait to see if it is comparable to Defiance, which i still think is your best HP fic, but this has been great so far.
1,753 « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 15 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service