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for Karma Police

6/29/2020 c5 46RobertCop3
Wow. So not as gruesome as "Death Contract," but still very satisfying. I don't know what it says about me that I don't even flinch as I read what Yamazaki does to people in fics like this, but then again, that's because he is being used in the role of vigilante. And I assume his dialogue was Jojo's doing, because he loves that character, and once again that love shines through in the writing.

So, backing up and starting over: this whole chapter was very visceral, from the look at King's PTSD, and those vivid nightmares, to Mary knocking on her door (I love that their relationship is at the point where Mary can open the shower curtain on her), to the video itself, to the conversation afterwards. Everything was raw, and didn't pull punches. No surprises, I guess. ( ;

That conversation afterwards between King and Mary was another lovely illustration of their bromance, and how Ills has cultivated it throughout her ficverse, never making anything seem awkward or OOC. And I like how it was clear that Mary didn't call this favor because she didn't think King was strong enough. It was so King would not have to become the "bad guy," which was a life she'd been trying to put behind her. At least, that's how I looked at it.

And also: if I ever make it out west, after Ills and I barfight, we'll need to celebrate with dinner at In N' Out. I can probably find copycat recipes, but I feel no trip out there is complete without trying the "animal style" at the West Coast Fast Food Burger Mecca.

Great job on this, you two. Another satisfying story in the life of KoF's disaster bi (at least, that's what she is in Ills's head canon. And that's better than the actual canon).
6/28/2020 c5 iwewia
Mary knew that only a video could ease her friend's panic about the rapist being free. She had to show King that he wouldn't forget this just as she wasn't able to forget the assault, and, who knows, maybe King's sadism would be satisfied as a bonus. But King feels more grounded in this chapter when it comes to that. It makes sense due to King's last nights being horrible but also that her sadism shows more when she's in combat herself, so her comments about the video were on point.

The back and forth of describing Ryuji's actions, King speaking to Mary then more of Ryuji's maniacal taunting is so thrilling! Karma Police is so interesting in that a lot of the events and communication don't happen face-to-face and yet no details are lost in the story-telling.

Congrats to both of you for this project! It has been so unique from start to finish. Hope you guys are safe during this pandemic and thanks for the ride.
6/27/2020 c5 Jokulhaupter
Well done! There really is a distinct irony in that poor gangster applying such choice phrases as he begs for mercy... You'd think it'd remind the bastard of a past experience or something, he even asks "why" and gets what I'd say is a pretty clear answer despite being preceded by his tormentor lamenting over having done this sort of thing so many times as to be acutely aware of this seemingly universal response, but I guess the moment was too much for a Bigling. Maybe he'll figure it out later, when the tender care of a hospital bed leaves him little choice but to lay still and ponder his deeds. Then again, truth be told I'm not sure I want him to actually piece it together. If I had to guess whether he's going to respond to losing his trigger fingers by using what remains of his hands to pursue vengeance or take it as a sign his fighting days are over, I'd say... flip a coin?

Either way, I think it's fair to say King could use a break. Maybe a sequel to Red? ;)
6/14/2020 c4 RobertCop3
So, a short chapter, but it told us a lot, as we get a look inside the mind of the scumbag. And he's your typical piece of shit who thinks he's above the law because he's connected. Which will make it easier to feel no sympathy or remorse when we learn what his fate is.

That should be a pleasure to read.

Also, on a side note, I did order the 20th Anniversary OK/NOTOK edition of "OK Computer," and I am really digging the song "Man of War."

Until next time...
6/8/2020 c4 iwewia
It's intoxicating how this chapter reads. I find it so interesting how the bad guys are usually able to pay attention to everything slowly in media, which makes this particular chapter contrast with King's panic so grimly. Movie transition stuff!

Wondering if the "boo" comes from a certain Ryuji or if there are more layers to the story. Either way seems exciting!
6/7/2020 c3 RobertCop3
This song I haven't heard before. I should rectify that. The 20th Anniversary edition of OK Computer is only 14 bucks. And now onto the actual review:

The setup was great. In Illy's ficverse, we've established that the reason Mary rejoined the force was for the benefits package (at least, if memory serves). So it's believable that her faith in the system is shaken. Even before the rapist got an early parole, I don't think she had a lot of faith in it.

As iwewia said, you write phone conversations extremely well: it flows so nicely, and the dialogue shows that you really get both of these characters. Their respective voices are just perfect. And I love how Yamazaki has no qualms about fucking with Mr. Big. That's so him.

Also, I like how even though Terry and Mary are a perfect couple because they understand each other due to their previous loss. But their personalities are still so different. Terry has an unshakable moral code, one that she doesn't share. Maybe because she's spent so long working in a system that's so flawed and easily corruptible.

In any case, the mad dog's been let off the leash. Can't wait for more stuff and thangs...
6/5/2020 c3 iwewia
We can count on you guys to make a phonecall so thrilling that the reader looks forward to every line!

I personally always enjoy when more characters are thrown into the mix and Ryuji's appearance is very interesting. His dialogue was full of personality, a hysteria to contrast Mary's seriousness in this situation. The tension being narrated here goes extremely well with the call, the structure of the chapter feels super fresh which makes the whole thing read truly like a "point of no return" for this series.

Kudos to both of you as always!
6/1/2020 c2 RobertCop3
I love this ongoing Radiohead theme you have for the titles. And I love this particular song, even though to most people it sounds like noise.

And despite the shortness of the chapter, it said so much. King is trying to keep it together, despite the fact that the appearance of this asshole back into her life is really bringing her PTSD to the forefront and making it stronger. But still, even though it's harder to have a support group due to current events, she is still showing how far she's come, as she avoids alcohol, and only takes as much herbal medicine as she needs.

Still, her mind is calculating how best to deal with an intrusion, and it's heartbreaking that she even needs to think about this.

But Mary knows a guy. A guy who Jojo is a fanboy of. And that gives me hope. Work your magic, Jojo! I can't wait to see what you come up with.
6/1/2020 c2 iwewia
I'd start this review with "Poor bb" but, honestly, her current situation is truly terrifying so it felt condescending in a way. When we consider the world building here and the real-life events going on her panic can be so easily felt.

This project is highlighting hopelessness in a very realistic way. Though this chapter was short, kudos for the impact with every word!
5/27/2020 c1 iwewia
First of all, congratz to both of you! Colabs are a powerful thing. Working on something you're passionate about with someone close who also shares this feeling is heaven of earth for sure!

It's interesting yet grim how this pandemic reads in fanfiction. We often think of fanfics as a way to escape reality so having to picture our favorite characters struggling just like us has a bittersweet taste.

This first chapter really captures the attention of the reader. The suspense here mixed with the charisma of our protagonists makes for a solid foundation for the chapters to come. Revisiting the trauma with King is such an intense feeling... Looking forward to this!
5/26/2020 c1 RobertCop3
For starters, I love the title. I consider OK Computer to be the best album of the 90s, so I get it. It’s a double whammy.

And moving on: I love that you took a real life event, and put it in your ficverse, except this time, it’s not a slice of life moment. This is serious. This is going all the way back to people who have followed your stories ever since King had her life changed by a coward with a gun. And you played it out brilliantly: King’s PTSD kicking in, those feelings of regret, like “if X hadn’t been there, which allowed Y to happen, my life would still be normal.” And those feelings are written beautifully, from the perspective of anyone who has been through what a strong woman like King has.

And of course Big would have pulled strings. It’s such a perfect device to use. And as always, I love the way King and Mary’s dialogue flows. And of course she knows someone. And the summary has teased who that someone is, so... I can’t wait to see where this goes. Vigilante justice FTW!

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