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4/7 c3 8deathbringer374
Mortal Kombat is my jam!

More of this.

I demand it.

PEACE.
4/7 c1 27Toasterman
Nice twist ending. I'm digging it so far.
12/22/2020 c2 SliderTurtle
I like how the story is showing the perspectives of the other characters/pilots and not just Shinji and Asuka. Also I loved that little jab that Sakura gave to Toji near the end of the 2nd chapter lol
10/25/2020 c2 Fantasian
The grammar is good and the concept is intriguing.
I especially liked the part where Shinji and Asuka napped together, though if I may be so bold...
Would it be too much trouble to put an english translation of any german sentences Asuka says?
Please and thank you! _
7/16/2020 c1 Guest
The story so far is promising, i honestly cant say anything else everything to me is ok no grammar problems or less details problems. So yea I'm liking it so far let's see where it goes from now on looking forward for the next chapter.
7/16/2020 c1 10Glory-To-Our-August-King
Other than the dream - we have a fairly standard start,(re-introducing characters and some of the mundanes in their everyday life) but with promises of more interesting deviations. Thank you for not wasting much time getting to the point.

I have always been fond of the idea of bringing in Kensuke and Hikari as pilots. Especially the former since there is much potential for growing his character as his childish fantasies of war and being an Eva pilot are shattered by his experiences with it. Hikari is interesting because she is rather timid and conscientious, which can get in the way during a battle when her co-pilots need decisive action from her the most.

The characters were fine and, at a surface level, completely themselves. The challenge will be how to write them when their situations change from canon. I have faith in you.

As far as your writing: it is competent for a nascent writer. Although it is redundant in many places, which makes some paragraphs cumbersome to read. You can message me for specific examples if you like. In the end, I believe having a beta reader or two would be immensely helpful.

Either way, I did enjoy this and I look forward to your future updates. Thank you.
6/29/2020 c4 279Traitor of All Traitors
What are you talking about? You had Shinji save Toji! You have no idea how many writers I read the work of that go down that route have either impressed me when they saved his life or disappointed me when they choose to sacrifice his life.
6/3/2020 c3 Traitor of All Traitors
You saved Toji! Good job! Thank!
5/31/2020 c3 3Orcalalot
If you have any feedback, good or bad, please let me know so I don't keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
5/28/2020 c2 Orcalalot
Yo guys, working on chapter 3's rough draft right, may take a bit cause I'm just starting. I had the first two chapters finished way before.
5/28/2020 c2 279Traitor of All Traitors
He should've just said no. His sister has more sense than him.
5/27/2020 c2 46Author0fntent
Well this is certainly different from how the episode went.
5/27/2020 c1 279Traitor of All Traitors
Is there hope for Shinji deviating from what befell him?
5/26/2020 c1 ThreeNormal
Since this is your first actual fanfiction that you written, all I can say is the writing was practically perfect with some errors. The pacing in the last half of the chapter felt a bit rushed but wasn't an issue, and some minor grammar issues. I don't think I can give more advice without seeing more chapters. I think at chapter 3 I can give my full analysis amd proper advice. And finally, I'm very interested in the idea you're planning for this story.
5/26/2020 c1 3Orcalalot
This is my first actual attempt of creating a fanfic. I'm still new to this whole Writing a story thing so If there is any advice or criticism you have please tell me so I can improve for the next few chapters. If there is any questions please do ask me. The next chapter will be up soon.

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