for Evolving Dragon: DxD(Old version)5/29/2020 c1 ignaciodiaznicolas
Okay, just try to mitigate the dragon hormones because it seems an excuse (quite unnatural) to have lemon and a harem
ps: do not put it in the nobility of rias and do not make all the girls of dxd part of their harem (if it is going to have) and do not make a very large harem at most 4 because otherwise the story is difficult to develop
Okay, just try to mitigate the dragon hormones because it seems an excuse (quite unnatural) to have lemon and a harem
ps: do not put it in the nobility of rias and do not make all the girls of dxd part of their harem (if it is going to have) and do not make a very large harem at most 4 because otherwise the story is difficult to develop
5/29/2020 c1 PaperTucan
Really love the interaction between Ryoto and geck- i mean Incursio lol good start keep up the good work.
Really love the interaction between Ryoto and geck- i mean Incursio lol good start keep up the good work.
5/29/2020 c1 AshuraNoKami
While imteresting concept I have the feeling that ypur making your MC a side character or a sidekick to Issei its will just ruin this. So either kill off Issei or don't bother with another chapter. The MC also sounds like a rightious jackass with either a stick in his ass or insane. I also hope you don't just have him join Rias peerage without any actual reason that makes sense and doesnt make your MC look like a little bitch, a weakling, a retard, and many other things.
While imteresting concept I have the feeling that ypur making your MC a side character or a sidekick to Issei its will just ruin this. So either kill off Issei or don't bother with another chapter. The MC also sounds like a rightious jackass with either a stick in his ass or insane. I also hope you don't just have him join Rias peerage without any actual reason that makes sense and doesnt make your MC look like a little bitch, a weakling, a retard, and many other things.
5/29/2020 c1 Ivan Tridelan
I'm already concerned that you seem to LIKE Issei. Canon Issei is one of the worst protagonists of all time, you know? He's only good for comedic relief. His dense harem protagonist trait is made worse by the fact that he's an unrepentant pervert and a total idiot. Literally every fight he wins is through plot armor. I could go on, but those are the key points.
Sadly, this seems to be a "friends with Issei" story so I'll just move on to asking you to address some of my personal peeves with not just canon but most fan fictions I've read:
1) Rias. Objectively, she's a spoiled, entitled self-absorbed piece of trash whose only redeeming quality is that she's hot (and given it's the DxD world, that's not even particularly outstanding). She has the Riser issue looming over her and you can easily tell she and her peerage do not train. She has essentially sat on her hands for YEARS while this issue looms ever closer. She is arrogant and stupid enough to challenge KOKABIEL instead of calling for help at first sign of his involvement. I've seen claims that she couldn't ask Sirzechs due to politics or worry about the Great War restarting but there should not have been any problems asking Grayfia, Okita, etc. someone of that level to come to Kuoh with two idiot Exorcists and their Excalibur fragments in town seeking more fragments. PLEASE do not just bail her out and let her continue on as she is like canon does. She deserves to have reality slap her in the face and force her to grow up.
2) Sona and her peerage are almost always delegated to bit side characters despite Sona being flat out better than Rias in every way that matters. Besides, getting Sona means getting Serafall and who doesn't want a SATAN at their beck and call? ; )
3) Asia's excommunication has so many red flags (she's a highly valued healer, so in all likelihood she met Diodara in church territory, y'know, where a devil should not have been in the first place?; she's a valuable healer, getting her kicked out super quick seems sketchy; she gets sent straight to the fallen despite the Church's opinion of them) so Diodara's bullshit should have gotten picked up early on. Wouldn't hurt to get a harem of nuns eager to serve their savior either ;)
4) Issei should just be used as a joke character crying about MC's success but if you must give him a harem, make it just a few. He sucks as a character unless you're making him change due to OC's influence so the MC should have most of the girls.
5) MC should not join Rias' peerage, or if he does, it's only because he's offered a fast track to high class (Sirzechs would totally make that kind of deal for Rias' sake). Like I said, she needs a reality check and losing to Riser (especially if it's even worse than in canon) will help there. Or just have OC destroy Rias and her whole peerage and be like "you're nowhere near as strong as you think. Get off your spoiled asses and GROW UP"
Those are my main peeves. Some of my favorite girls never show up or get handed to Issei because MC somehow needs X number in the harem (canon Issei gets an utterly ridiculous number and somehow some writers think 4 or 5 is the most that is manageable). My personal favorites are Grayfia, Venelana, Rossweisse, Sona, Kuroka and Le Fay. 2nd tier would be Koneko, Ravel and Serafall. I despise canon Rias and Akeno (Akeno holds back even with their futures on the line because daddy issues, when logic says her grudge is beyond stupid; at least Koneko was lied to about it)
I'm already concerned that you seem to LIKE Issei. Canon Issei is one of the worst protagonists of all time, you know? He's only good for comedic relief. His dense harem protagonist trait is made worse by the fact that he's an unrepentant pervert and a total idiot. Literally every fight he wins is through plot armor. I could go on, but those are the key points.
Sadly, this seems to be a "friends with Issei" story so I'll just move on to asking you to address some of my personal peeves with not just canon but most fan fictions I've read:
1) Rias. Objectively, she's a spoiled, entitled self-absorbed piece of trash whose only redeeming quality is that she's hot (and given it's the DxD world, that's not even particularly outstanding). She has the Riser issue looming over her and you can easily tell she and her peerage do not train. She has essentially sat on her hands for YEARS while this issue looms ever closer. She is arrogant and stupid enough to challenge KOKABIEL instead of calling for help at first sign of his involvement. I've seen claims that she couldn't ask Sirzechs due to politics or worry about the Great War restarting but there should not have been any problems asking Grayfia, Okita, etc. someone of that level to come to Kuoh with two idiot Exorcists and their Excalibur fragments in town seeking more fragments. PLEASE do not just bail her out and let her continue on as she is like canon does. She deserves to have reality slap her in the face and force her to grow up.
2) Sona and her peerage are almost always delegated to bit side characters despite Sona being flat out better than Rias in every way that matters. Besides, getting Sona means getting Serafall and who doesn't want a SATAN at their beck and call? ; )
3) Asia's excommunication has so many red flags (she's a highly valued healer, so in all likelihood she met Diodara in church territory, y'know, where a devil should not have been in the first place?; she's a valuable healer, getting her kicked out super quick seems sketchy; she gets sent straight to the fallen despite the Church's opinion of them) so Diodara's bullshit should have gotten picked up early on. Wouldn't hurt to get a harem of nuns eager to serve their savior either ;)
4) Issei should just be used as a joke character crying about MC's success but if you must give him a harem, make it just a few. He sucks as a character unless you're making him change due to OC's influence so the MC should have most of the girls.
5) MC should not join Rias' peerage, or if he does, it's only because he's offered a fast track to high class (Sirzechs would totally make that kind of deal for Rias' sake). Like I said, she needs a reality check and losing to Riser (especially if it's even worse than in canon) will help there. Or just have OC destroy Rias and her whole peerage and be like "you're nowhere near as strong as you think. Get off your spoiled asses and GROW UP"
Those are my main peeves. Some of my favorite girls never show up or get handed to Issei because MC somehow needs X number in the harem (canon Issei gets an utterly ridiculous number and somehow some writers think 4 or 5 is the most that is manageable). My personal favorites are Grayfia, Venelana, Rossweisse, Sona, Kuroka and Le Fay. 2nd tier would be Koneko, Ravel and Serafall. I despise canon Rias and Akeno (Akeno holds back even with their futures on the line because daddy issues, when logic says her grudge is beyond stupid; at least Koneko was lied to about it)
5/29/2020 c1 alphaprince0
can you add Ophis to the harem if she's not already? please pm me your response
can you add Ophis to the harem if she's not already? please pm me your response