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1/16 c5 Germanspeaker
Do you still write?
7/25/2020 c5 Guest
well
7/25/2020 c5 Jctherebel
Yup, good chapter
7/25/2020 c5 ATP
Si started .She must be shocked, how weak anybody there is.
Well,Reapers&others maybe existed in WH40,but was killed long ago before IoM.
7/3/2020 c4 ATP
Yes,i SI arleady is shipped,so she could just purify vile Xeno IS promethium !
7/2/2020 c4 ttunikitashtobert
Waiting for next chapter to know what surprised imperials...
6/30/2020 c1 logros13
The link i was trying to post in my previous post on ch4 was to lexicanum by the way but since this site is stupid and censors posts without warning and does not allow editing or deleting of posts (i wonder how drunk they were when they decided that was a good idea...) we are stuck with that useless ps. now i guess...

GG FF /rant
6/30/2020 c4 Guest
wow
6/30/2020 c4 Jctherebel
Cool chapter, really loving this
6/30/2020 c4 logros13
Two rather major lore mistakes in this chapter:

"Victoria grimaced; her eyes trained onto the Navigator's third eye."
This would be a... rather unpleasant mistake, to quote the lexicanum article on the navigators: "Not least of the Warp eye's powers is its deadly ability; any one meeting the Warp eye's gaze will be agonisingly killed; mainly due to this Navigators keep their third eye covered with a bandanna or something similar, causing many people to doubt that the "third eye" even exists."

Same problem with this part: "Victoria stood in the middle of the bridge, admiring the void in its unique dark beauty."
Any ordinary humans (or aliens or even machines for that matter) that looks directly upon the warp goes insane/dies/mutates into a horrifying monster etc. For this reason all view ports are covered by heavy blast shutters at all times while a ship is in the warp. This is the reason navigators are needed in the first place.

Other than that it was a good chapter, i especially liked the possession scene... and the comisar, by far my favorite character. :)

...Also i respectfully disagree with your claims of not being a good writer, whatever my issues with the main character may have been the rest of the story is great.

Ps, if you are ever hesitant about anything regarding the lore .com is a great and well sourced resource about anything 40k.
6/30/2020 c4 Guest
The warp is strangely beautiful

This is so heretical I cant even BLAM! We need Emperor-to-Horus levels of purge here.
6/30/2020 c4 bekisheverdik93
Thanks
6/19/2020 c3 Jctherebel
This story has a lot of potential, I’m excited to see where it goes
6/17/2020 c3 ATP
Emperor approve this ship.
6/17/2020 c3 logros13
So after spending the first chapter cowering before the commissar (arguably sensible but still...) and the second running away from her problems at home acting all "woe is me" "i'm the most unfortunate person ever *sob *sob*" she now perfects her trifecta of cowardice by stabbing a drunk unarmed subordinate brom behind because she apparently does not have the spine to confront him face to face...

I'm not the kind of reader who want all protagonists to be overpowered mary sues (in fact i hate mary sues with a passion) but don't you think you are making the protagonist here a bit to cowardly and pathetic? I like the story in general and your technical writing skills are superb but between the pity party in ch2 and this chapter i find myself despising the main character more and more by the chapter.

oh, and by the way you referred to the protagonist as him in a place "She had enough when he smiled lecherously at him".
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