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for A Human In The Spix's Tribe

6/20/2020 c1 6Kraft58
Hello there. Since you have taken the time to review some of my stuff (hopefully you're liking the adventure so far haha) and I saw your post on the forums referring to your passion towards writing in general, I thought I would come and review some of your stories to return the favor. A little bit about me, my name is David, I am a practicing novelist with the remaster of my first novel due to come out whenever this pandemic ends, so I will try to be as helpful as I can be. If I come off as rude or harsh, I don't intend to be, so please take my criticism with a grain of salt.

Starting your story, I notice several things. The first is, you are very good at providing characterization. Within the first paragraph, hell, even within the first couple of sentences, you give so much information about your protagonist, that I instantly feel like I know Alicia. You also have got the right amount of balance, where you make us feel like we know her, without going overboard, as you put it with my story, it's the goldilocks treatment, not too much, not too little. Good job!

There are some things that I would change for word choice, has could become had
Example: ever since the fires, she has isolated herself
could become: ever since the first, she had isolated herself

Another small issue is you jumped from 3rd person to 1st person between paragraphs, you usually should pick one or the other. I think for a story like this, 3rd person (doesn't matter if limited or omni) would be more ideal for showing / telling the story.

Overall, definitely not a bad start, definitely better than some of the critics in your review section are giving credit. I am interested in following this to read more.
6/14/2020 c3 3DatBoiWhoReturned
F, but Simao should've just had an elytra on oof
where are those coffin dancers when we need them
My tear ducts were not in use when I read this chapter.
I cant really say anything bad about this story, but that goes for most stories ive read, probably because i feel bad if i give criticism and I'm bad at finding bad things in stuff
6/11/2020 c3 2Sledge Macaw
Jesus H. Christ that didn't end the way I thought it would've. As for my criticism, I apologize for the vagueness. I meant that perhaps adding similes and metaphors to the dialogue would better capture how the characters feel and react to one another.

On that note, this is certainly interesting nonetheless. Very grim, but unique. Like I said before, I like Alicia as a character, even if it was only three chapters. She loved her boy, but...yeah humans can't fly, mate.
6/10/2020 c2 Sledge Macaw
When I saw the B1 and B2, I immediately got Clone Wars flashbacks. Anyway, I really like Alicia as a character. She's just trying her best to protect her son. Though I wouldn't expect the other Spix Macaws to understand.

I would say try to enhance the dialogue even more as my little nitpick.
6/10/2020 c2 Guest
I really like this! What happened to Tomadahawk? I loved his stories!
6/10/2020 c2 3DatBoiWhoReturned
bruh how can a huuman communicate with a bird,
on the other hand, I got a jojo reference...
ara ara ara ara ara ara ara ara ara ara ara
excuse me
6/9/2020 c1 2Sledge Macaw
Attention to detail is good. Haven't really seen many stories that 100% detail how birds in the wild actually hydrate and feed their young. So that's a very big plus.

The use of first person is on point. Haven't found any real mistakes apart from minor typing mistakes but everyone gets them every now and then. And like DatBoiWhoReturned, got some Ice Age movie vibes.
6/5/2020 c1 1monsterjamvadim
6/5/2020 c1 3DatBoiWhoReturned
She shouldnt have done that...
little did she know, she had saved the reincarnation of ICE AGE BABY
what have you done, Alicia
totally accurate things aside, a good chapter, but i have to say that it would be kinda unrealistic that they live in a very convenient spot, I would think that the high ranking tribe members would live in the best spots, but that's just me being poopoo

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