Just In
for family night

9/28 c1 Nija
loved that Sandy/Ryan had thier moment

need more family momentsthan the drama in the show

great job...you may need to upload this to A03 for more reviews
7/26 c1 Guest
You know exactly how to get to the heart of what matters and to demonstrate what amazing character Ryan has. He shouldn't have any of the qualities and traits that actually make him so unique and special, something that he can never grasp or see. He wasn't wanted. He had no one to care for him when all of the most necessary personality aspects and abilities to empathize, be compassionate, kind, put others first, and so on would be developing. He had no one to teach him or guide him. Instead, he had everyone tearing him down, wishing he didn't exist, finding ways to hurt him while they only thought of themselves. Somehow, he didn't just survive, but he taught himself how to be who he wanted to against all odds with everything being done to him.

All of the scars, physical and emotional from abuse, neglect, rejection, abandonment and the whole list will always be there and he'll always struggle. Some moments will be worse than others. You don't have Sandy just dismiss any of Ryan's very real and valid fears and feelings. He doesn't minimize them or Ryan. He recognizes how important this particular moment is, thankfully. I'd hate to think what Ryan would have done if he had taken the chances that he did after who knows how long and had been cruelly disappointed by the person he admires more than anyone and the one who first cared and offered him help.

Your stories have always touched me in a special way, to use the word that is at the center here and colors Ryan's vision in ways that I doubt many can understand. I hope that you keep on writing with that very realistic and essential component that is at the core of Ryan. You also don't lose sight of the most significant and compelling relationship, which is Ryan and Sandy and what they mean for each other and how that impacts both of them.
7/24 c1 Guest
We seem to share a very similar list of what was so obviously needed and missing from the TV show for viewers and especially for Ryan. I kept wondering if Sandy would take the lead and put some of Ryan's worst fears to rest or at least be the one to answer questions that Ryan couldn't dare to ask, either because of what he might hear like he always had, only not as violently, but with as much cruelty, or because he didn't want to put Sandy in that position, including one of lying. After a life of having to be invisible because he was an unwanted burden and a target, putting himself out there to be noticed and to be deeply hurt and rejected again would take everything Ryan had.

When I read your stories, I think of how everything is like a trap for Ryan with so many ways that he could think, say and/or do the wrong thing with far reaching repercussions. The stakes are always so high and he is so lost without a map with everyone's lives spinning at full speed around him. He can't afford not to please everyone he's indebted to and isn't sure what's a mistake since everything he ever did supposedly was according to the group who used, abused and shaped him. Whatever seems to be so normal for everyone in this new place is completely foreign to Ryan from daily necessities and patterns to dynamics. It's like starting over and relearning with everything a puzzle to be solved, but so little time. And with all of the heavy baggage that he's carrying from what he's had to survive for years, he's being dragged down.

The whole concept of what's special is fundamental with Ryan and will be throughout his life. I'm so glad that you give this some of the attention that it deserves and do it so incredibly well. Also, Ryan and Sandy time with Ryan venturing to gradually trust and go for broke with something so important is pure gold.

Thank you! I hope that you have more!
7/22 c1 Guest
Excellent characterization. It's the so-called more ordinary moments that can't be that way for Ryan. Nothing would be at first and would always be something to compare, savor, treasure, hold dear, and marvel at. He'd never take anything or anyone for granted and it would be so hard for nearly anyone else to really understand why. I've always thought that he'd be watching everything and everyone closely and trying so hard to figure out what he was allowed to do and say and rehearse it and go over scenarios that would mean he'd made mistakes that would have all of the consequences that he feared. It would be so exhausting to have to live that way day after day.

The risks he takes with Sandy had me holding my breath in fear for Ryan and also in awe of him. Courage, tenderness, kindness and so many things all rolled into one with them.

Thank you for this!
7/21 c1 Guest
Thanks for telling the story the way I'd always wished and that has so much impact, capturing all of Ryan's swirling emotions and the memories that taunt and haunt him and that will always influence his thought process. How he sees himself separately from others will be a life long legacy thanks to all of the harm done to him repeatedly. Finally getting a break only means that he'll be more confused, definitely overwhelmed, appreciative and eternally grateful, but also constantly dreading about when and how it will all change and be ripped away because he's not worth it and never should have it.

The brutal honesty that Ryan builds to is heartbreaking and breathtaking. Getting a closer look at him this way and what he decides to reveal to Sandy is amazing to behold. That's just part of what makes their dynamic so spectacular and gripping. You know just how to present that in the best possible way.
7/20 c1 Guest
You have easily become my current favorite to read. You know just how emphasize what is most important to Ryan and it is often what could be mistaken as just ordinary and overlooked. His background and unique traits that are so rare in a kid and in the majority of adults frames his perceptions and how he keenly observes, processes and tries to never overstep all of the boundaries he's used to or overstay his welcome. He always has to be watchful and worried. Someone who has always been deprived, fearful, uncertain, in danger and always subject to the whims of everyone else wouldn't fully comprehend another kind of life. Having a taste of something would be like dangling it to have it snatched away without warning, but he'd be to blame.

I'd always wanted so many things to be on screen. Really necessary things for Ryan, and for Sandy because of their relationship from the beginning. Ryan managing to say out loud what he would always be dreading is wrenching but shows that he was willing to take the chance because he needed to know, or because he thought that Sandy would be honest and he trusted him. Really powerful.

Please post more like this. You've made my day again!
7/16 c1 Guest
Thanks so much for this insightful, emotional, revealing, compelling and incredibly real portrayal of Ryan and a look at his wonderful dynamic with Sandy. This relationship and tentative, but amazing bonding is priceless and so human. I could easily read hundreds like this.

You're so right about what would be so amazing to Ryan. How significant and mysterious it would be. How he'd treasure it and would never really believe that he was a part of it in any way. Fantasy and reality would blur. Everything and everyone that had dictated what his life had always been would always weigh on him and shape his perspective, but his awe is both inspiring and heartbreaking.
7/12 c1 Guest
I know the date is June 29, but I'm reading it now, so this is a so-called Christmas in July "special" present.

You always take me along for the ride, like I'm right there quietly watching and feeling it all happen. You have me silently rooting for Ryan and knowing how hard it is for him to take each step and how much he's risking. So many things were never explored and so much went unsaid when the show's writers took so many wrong turns instead of focusing on what was so valuable with the way that Ryan and Sandy learned about each other and created such a unique bond.

The writers on the show might have made a couple of references to what Ryan had to come to terms with, but they rushed through. You're so right that everything would have been not just new, but so valuable and extraordinary for Ryan. What should be the most basic necessities from safety, to enough food, to some kind of stability and everything related to it would have been foreign to Ryan and he would have been scrambling to understand it, to understand how not to ruin it and how to figure out a way to determine what his place was without imposing and losing it. He would be on a tightrope struggling all the way so a fall wouldn't end it.

I don't see how a kid who had spent most of his first 15 years in totally opposite conditions could ever lose the special perspective. He would always savor what he'd never dreamed he could have and never really believe that it could be possible. Not the material things, but that someone could see good in him and want him and include him because of who he is. Being worth something and being something besides a whipping post or a burden is a whole new mindset that would take lots of reinforcement over time with so many doubts lingering and steps back, even if Ryan didn't make them obvious.

I love the honesty and the closeness here. This is why I'm always invested in your stories. Thanks for tapping into what matters so realistically. I hope that you'll have more to write soon.
7/9 c1 reading
In a time when so much is out of our control, which is ironic and an eerie parallel to how Ryan's life had always been out of control and now turned even more upside down, your stories are a welcome reprieve.

You haven't necessarily spelled out the violence, hurt and chaos, but you've included it in other ways with very intuitive and insightful writing and a wonderful grasp of Ryan's perceptions, means of expressing himself with few or no words, and how the dynamic works with Sandy. You always find the right emotions and convey them so realistically and always leave me wanting more, and going back to make sure that I didn't miss anything so that I can appreciate it all.

Please keep sharing your writing. You seem to have the inside track on Ryan in the most natural ways. The Ryan and Sandy relationship was the reason that I watched and managed to stick out the show, so your stories have been just what I wished for.
7/7 c1 Guest
This hits all the right notes and joins the list of what I would have loved to have seen play out with Ryan and with Ryan and Sandy sharing a very personal, vivid, emotional and special moment of honesty and bonding.

Thanks for such a riveting and moving look that transports me right there like I'm in the room. Your Ryan and your Ryan and Sandy together is so remarkable.
7/6 c1 Guest
Another excellent portrait with wonderful insights, plenty of Ryan's perspective, very thinly veiled insecurity that would certainly be weighing on Ryan, and an amazing interaction with Sandy. You write it so that I can feel the rhythm, almost holding my breath trying to encourage Ryan and wondering how he's processing what Sandy's saying and how he considers how much to take a chance on revealing. I can definitely imagine Ryan wanting to absorb all of the feelings and details, even if he's not included to try to have something to counter all of the hurt and fear. Routine events and things would be special to Ryan and always would be. He'd never take anyone or anything for granted. And daring to ask if Sandy would get tired of him like everyone else had is heartbreaking, but also shows incredible courage.

Thanks for this gem!
6/30 c1 Guest
I hardly ever come to anymore, but I’m glad I did! What a great fic. I love Cohen1 fics, and you’ve captured the characters really well. I hope you keep writing!
6/29 c1 Kylab1224
This was so cute I love Sandy's and Ryan's talks so much. Looking forward to your next story!

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