for Deeds, not Words (SI)1/25 c14 jericho8030
One of the objective things I appreciate are the editing being notable with few if any grammar/logic errors. In regards to the storyline, the character is not overpowered and does have roadblocks to his success, the encounters are realistic and due efforts are put into character development. I like the slow but consistent integration of his wife, and him now getting on with things to develop that relationship, I see your use of his reluctance as a foil for the need to create a challenge in their relationship to show their development together. The scale of battles for minor lords like this was more realistic. And the gradual development of his assets.
One of the objective things I appreciate are the editing being notable with few if any grammar/logic errors. In regards to the storyline, the character is not overpowered and does have roadblocks to his success, the encounters are realistic and due efforts are put into character development. I like the slow but consistent integration of his wife, and him now getting on with things to develop that relationship, I see your use of his reluctance as a foil for the need to create a challenge in their relationship to show their development together. The scale of battles for minor lords like this was more realistic. And the gradual development of his assets.
1/23 c14 Kuman
Overall I am greatly enjoying this fic. One question however, will you ever introduce magic into the story? The Dragons are thriving so I would think Magic is abundant in the world. Also do you think its possible that there would be a Weirwood grove in Eastwood? You neglected to develop a Godswood in the castle as that seems to be a very important feature of every Westerosi castle
Overall I am greatly enjoying this fic. One question however, will you ever introduce magic into the story? The Dragons are thriving so I would think Magic is abundant in the world. Also do you think its possible that there would be a Weirwood grove in Eastwood? You neglected to develop a Godswood in the castle as that seems to be a very important feature of every Westerosi castle
1/23 c9 Kuman
You keep switching the mental age of your MC. At first you said he is 32 but then later you said 40 and now he is 30? this is so confusing. The whole drama with the age difference is the height of hypocrisy imo considering the MC has become desensitized to death and the many horrible aspects of medieval life. Marrying a 16 year old girl is the least morally ambiguous thing he can do when the crime for hungry people who just want to feed their kids is to lose their hands.
You keep switching the mental age of your MC. At first you said he is 32 but then later you said 40 and now he is 30? this is so confusing. The whole drama with the age difference is the height of hypocrisy imo considering the MC has become desensitized to death and the many horrible aspects of medieval life. Marrying a 16 year old girl is the least morally ambiguous thing he can do when the crime for hungry people who just want to feed their kids is to lose their hands.
1/22 c8 Kuman
Great story so far but I would argue that the benefits of a four-crop rotation can be as high as 2 or 3 times the normal yield depending on the previous rotation method used. Did they use a 2 crop rotation? Or a 3 year 3 crop rotation method? Considering the lackluster technology of Westeros, I wouldn't be surprised if they never used any sort of crop rotation nor would they ever even use fertilizer. If so then crop yields should climb as high as 4 or 5 times their regular yield.
Hopefully Aelon would implement selective breeding as well. Its the natural step after securing large amounts of food and fodder. At least it was irl.
Great story so far but I would argue that the benefits of a four-crop rotation can be as high as 2 or 3 times the normal yield depending on the previous rotation method used. Did they use a 2 crop rotation? Or a 3 year 3 crop rotation method? Considering the lackluster technology of Westeros, I wouldn't be surprised if they never used any sort of crop rotation nor would they ever even use fertilizer. If so then crop yields should climb as high as 4 or 5 times their regular yield.
Hopefully Aelon would implement selective breeding as well. Its the natural step after securing large amounts of food and fodder. At least it was irl.
1/20 c14 InCK
would've thought that he'd give his heir a valyrian name, since both his father and he himself had valyrian names, and since both edwell and aelon have valyrian looks.
would've thought that he'd give his heir a valyrian name, since both his father and he himself had valyrian names, and since both edwell and aelon have valyrian looks.
1/19 c14 azcrae
Personally, I would like a side story about the mother of Aelon, or the first few months after entering Westeros. Since it is pointed out that the mother of Aelon died after he was transported or shortly after. Another story idea of mine is Elena's mother's POV of the marriage since the mindset of an actual noble is hardly explored, I know Elena had a few things to say about it, but I would like to think that the mother has a more 'Westerosi' way how she views marriage.
Another POV that I would like to be explored is the smallfolk being smallfolk and spinning tales about their Lord. The short story, in my mind, would start with Aelon settling in as a Lord and continuing to the birth of his heir. This line of story would have to be multiple shorts since there is way too much to go and write about.
The last POV I thought of was a short about a Lord, doesn't have to be anyone but for convenience let's say someone from the Stormlands. How they view Aelon's inventions, try to steal them, etc. Since not everyone will have a stick up their ass and prefer to be prideful about everything. I would like to think that at least, it's also possible to go about this in another way. Have a Lady/Maester point this out to her/his husband/Lord. There are many ways this could go, or even be carried on to the main story.
I would also like to say that I like this fic a whole lot. And the idea of making side stories to enrich the experience is something I personally haven't thought about. I think that 'The Lion of Lannister' is the best ASOIAF fic that captures the idea of having multiple POVs. Good luck with writing!
Personally, I would like a side story about the mother of Aelon, or the first few months after entering Westeros. Since it is pointed out that the mother of Aelon died after he was transported or shortly after. Another story idea of mine is Elena's mother's POV of the marriage since the mindset of an actual noble is hardly explored, I know Elena had a few things to say about it, but I would like to think that the mother has a more 'Westerosi' way how she views marriage.
Another POV that I would like to be explored is the smallfolk being smallfolk and spinning tales about their Lord. The short story, in my mind, would start with Aelon settling in as a Lord and continuing to the birth of his heir. This line of story would have to be multiple shorts since there is way too much to go and write about.
The last POV I thought of was a short about a Lord, doesn't have to be anyone but for convenience let's say someone from the Stormlands. How they view Aelon's inventions, try to steal them, etc. Since not everyone will have a stick up their ass and prefer to be prideful about everything. I would like to think that at least, it's also possible to go about this in another way. Have a Lady/Maester point this out to her/his husband/Lord. There are many ways this could go, or even be carried on to the main story.
I would also like to say that I like this fic a whole lot. And the idea of making side stories to enrich the experience is something I personally haven't thought about. I think that 'The Lion of Lannister' is the best ASOIAF fic that captures the idea of having multiple POVs. Good luck with writing!
1/19 c14 
1Fitoor
You have a tendency of repeating sentences between thoughts and speech. Like Aelon would think "Sir Harris makes a good point" then saySir Harris, you make a good point." I replied'
This makes one of the two occurrences superficial. Either write:
Sir Harris made a good point, and I told him so.
Or
"Sir Harris, you make a good point." I replied.
1FitoorYou have a tendency of repeating sentences between thoughts and speech. Like Aelon would think "Sir Harris makes a good point" then saySir Harris, you make a good point." I replied'
This makes one of the two occurrences superficial. Either write:
Sir Harris made a good point, and I told him so.
Or
"Sir Harris, you make a good point." I replied.
1/19 c14 4Supremus85
No, Aelon, you need not in this moment, you need to be happy because you are going to have a spare or a daughter.
4Supremus85No, Aelon, you need not in this moment, you need to be happy because you are going to have a spare or a daughter.