1/11/2021 c8 Sweets 33
Hi I saw in your bio you wondered if people like this story so I just wanted to say that I do and I hope you keep writing it.
Hi I saw in your bio you wondered if people like this story so I just wanted to say that I do and I hope you keep writing it.
1/8/2021 c3 jhsilver123
Just 2 things to note
One Dumbledore has way too much political power for him not to be able to give Sirus a trail which is odd.(I don't belive he would even need to call many favors)
I know cannon wise we don't have much when it comes to the Potters Will but one thing for sure there is no way they didn't have one. Potters are wealthy and they were being Hunted by Voldermort and his Death eater so I'm curious on that front.
Just 2 things to note
One Dumbledore has way too much political power for him not to be able to give Sirus a trail which is odd.(I don't belive he would even need to call many favors)
I know cannon wise we don't have much when it comes to the Potters Will but one thing for sure there is no way they didn't have one. Potters are wealthy and they were being Hunted by Voldermort and his Death eater so I'm curious on that front.
1/3/2021 c8 Korst
Haa, I've given up on the pov thing. But for the record it's not okay to change it mid chapter at all and should be avoided if at all possible. Though some would argue that. As for the story so far? It's interesting I guess, though I kind of wish you went about it in a less patch work sort of a fashion. The multiple pov's per chapter doesn't help that at all. other that that my only real issue is Int&Wis being a stat, and yes I realize its a very tiny issue. But couldn't you have names it ingenuity or something? There are so many words in the English language you could use that essentially cover a combination of intelligence and wisdom. Please just force a word to stand in for another thing even if it isn't exact, it's one of the only advantages the English language has.
Haa, I've given up on the pov thing. But for the record it's not okay to change it mid chapter at all and should be avoided if at all possible. Though some would argue that. As for the story so far? It's interesting I guess, though I kind of wish you went about it in a less patch work sort of a fashion. The multiple pov's per chapter doesn't help that at all. other that that my only real issue is Int&Wis being a stat, and yes I realize its a very tiny issue. But couldn't you have names it ingenuity or something? There are so many words in the English language you could use that essentially cover a combination of intelligence and wisdom. Please just force a word to stand in for another thing even if it isn't exact, it's one of the only advantages the English language has.
1/3/2021 c3 Korst
The pov shifts and random shit happening really detracts from the story. Maybe organize things a litter? Right now it just seems like you're throwing shit at the wall and going with whatever sticks.
The pov shifts and random shit happening really detracts from the story. Maybe organize things a litter? Right now it just seems like you're throwing shit at the wall and going with whatever sticks.
1/2/2021 c8 7uflesh940
To be honest, it isn't very interesting to me right now. It's become that one story that talks solely about the main character's gradual growth during childhood, and then gets dropped before anything happens. However, the unique setting is promising, so I entrust you with this like and follow ...for now.
To be honest, it isn't very interesting to me right now. It's become that one story that talks solely about the main character's gradual growth during childhood, and then gets dropped before anything happens. However, the unique setting is promising, so I entrust you with this like and follow ...for now.
1/2/2021 c1 Draconic Reborn
The prologue is way to long and monotone, its a slog to get through, and though they aren't overly abundant the instances of bad grammar and misspelled words take you out of what little immersion you can manage. The concept is interesting but if the big chungus of a prologue is anything to go by it could be executed alot better. It can be tedious but here's a tip that if you follow you'll find your stories have few to no errors, read it aloud after you finish typing it, this would probably get rid of the errors your making.
The prologue is way to long and monotone, its a slog to get through, and though they aren't overly abundant the instances of bad grammar and misspelled words take you out of what little immersion you can manage. The concept is interesting but if the big chungus of a prologue is anything to go by it could be executed alot better. It can be tedious but here's a tip that if you follow you'll find your stories have few to no errors, read it aloud after you finish typing it, this would probably get rid of the errors your making.
12/30/2020 c1 Nakamura Yui
I think it is better off this story as a new story than a rewrite since the main character is not even the female oc twin just good old harry potter. Yea not going to read this such a shame since the first one was leaning towards yuri with BAMF female lead which is rare along with it being a Gamer fic. Guess time to search for other stories again.
I think it is better off this story as a new story than a rewrite since the main character is not even the female oc twin just good old harry potter. Yea not going to read this such a shame since the first one was leaning towards yuri with BAMF female lead which is rare along with it being a Gamer fic. Guess time to search for other stories again.
12/30/2020 c8 1demonboy121986
Great story and awesome chapter. One thing I would suggest is like in every awesome game, the hero needs an amazing animal/animals as a companion. I think I have seen this done once or twice one this site an the writer just left the story after a bit. but many give him three animals like in the beast master movies and tv show. So it's not like he gets this op further power up by talk with all animals but just those three. One powerful land beast twin trickster small beast and a flyer.
Great story and awesome chapter. One thing I would suggest is like in every awesome game, the hero needs an amazing animal/animals as a companion. I think I have seen this done once or twice one this site an the writer just left the story after a bit. but many give him three animals like in the beast master movies and tv show. So it's not like he gets this op further power up by talk with all animals but just those three. One powerful land beast twin trickster small beast and a flyer.
12/6/2020 c7 5blackcharizard762
The only critique I have for this story so far is that you are doing a lot of world building to set the scene but the chapters are pretty short and that means not much actually happens
The only critique I have for this story so far is that you are doing a lot of world building to set the scene but the chapters are pretty short and that means not much actually happens