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for The Day My World Crumbled

9/2 c1 11PagesofAngels
Firstly, that opening paragraph was on-point. An impactful and engaging way to open a highly-emotional story.

""Why? You didn't want it to come out that you were the one who killed the very same boy that we were burying?" - That whole paragraph was very good, a lot of good detail about our characters.

I like how we get the names of Nadir's mom and sister, although I really wish they had a teeny bit more of a presence in the story, even if they're doing stuff that Nadir isn't noticing in the background.

The Farsi words are a nice touch, too!
7/25 c1 12Starwatcher2018
This is always such a sad event and very hard to write. Nicely done.
7/23 c1 3Cabeswater's Assassin
This was so sad but also very sweet... Excellent work!

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