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for The Fated Gamer Archer

7/27/2020 c1 p
I cant wait for next chap :D
7/27/2020 c1 Guest
"You woke up, got dressed, made breakfast for you and everyone, helped everyone get ready to go, went to school, went to classes, left school, saw a little girl about to get hit by a car, and I didn't have enough time to get her and me out of the way so I push her out of the way and I got hit by the car. Crap I'm dead, now aren't I?"

Important lesson here: STICK TO ONE PERSPECTIVE WITHOUT REASON. Don't start talking in second person then switch to first person ("you" - "I").

By the way, minor note, but that's a really generic isekai trope, man.
7/29/2020 c2 Lazymanjones96
Interesting stuff looking forward to more
7/29/2020 c2 Omni-Celestial
Well,it was not much interesting. But that's to be expected, it's merely the tutorial. A beta will be useful for correction of spellings and grammatical errors.

Also,I suggest you to break your AN into separate paragraphs.
Many will skip that just seeing the sheer size of it.
And you could also use line break for your AN at the end of the chapter.
7/29/2020 c2 M2R
that is a lot of information... i think you might put away rhe explanation of each attribute later on?

nice by the way
7/28/2020 c2 14RedBurningDragon
Well it was more ideas for you to use so feel free
So decided to help with research Illya also has Mystic Eyes of Binding but they arent too powerful though she has a huge amount of magic circuits but that was from implanting not sure how much that would count as an Einzbern she probably has a great amount either way but the wire control is from her alchemy her mother used it she might have some healing magecraft if that's the case why not add a heavy pistol modeled after Kiritsugu’s anti magus gun a Walther WA 2000 with very heavy round
Personally want to say have her be Velvet’s little sister if only cause it would be cute and for Illya to just destroy Cardin
So for E id say Eizen from Berseria/Zesteria pming more details
Od is internal magic energy Mana is external magic energy
Id say Rho Aias that each pedal would have 500250 times the number of pedals in-front of it each at level 1 since in the show Gae Bolg burned through the front pedals but stopped dead at the last showing the last pedal is possibly more durable
Wouldnt Avalon be in there since it helped form UBW now the capability to truely trace it is questionable but Gamer
7/26/2020 c1 Guest
Nice very nice. So instead of creating OC's can we have characters from other series into this. And do you have a list of characters you already chose? If not can we have Trafalgar D. Law from One Piece because you can't spell overpowered without ope ope no mi
7/28/2020 c2 1zackman2k12
Thanks.
7/28/2020 c2 1PrintTheDeaf
holy fuckthis chap is huge
7/27/2020 c1 PrintTheDeaf
moar
7/27/2020 c1 smatt9411
Great work
7/27/2020 c1 1Crytach
You have my attention, good start let's see where this goes... Please don't make this a harem though... If there are any relationships ...
7/27/2020 c1 14RedBurningDragon
Illya’s skills can be a combo of her alchemy and skills from fighters that use wires her weapon can be Cross Tail from Akame Ga Kill but the metal wires can be dust infused with various elements for each or she can use her alchemy to somehow fuse all types of dust into 1 gem to act as a center for them
7/26/2020 c1 5Giblenator
Welp Salem's dead. Garcher's arsenal should have an immortal slaying weapon in it.
7/26/2020 c1 M2R
quite good.

although some words are written wrong and sentences as well. can be fixed as long as you wish to learn and grow more though. since it is only 1k, it doesn't reveal much so yeah. i can't give much
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