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for Layers of Hell: Hazbin's Most Unwelcome Guest

2/1 c15 Fr stop
T-h-i-s i-s n-o-t a- f-u-n w-a-y t-o r-e-a-d like fr no more than that's please.
6/4/2022 c31 LezGo35
This is definitely an improvement from the original
6/3/2022 c31 1AsrielDreemr
Cool rewrite and i appreciate leaving the original up too.
6/2/2022 c6 2Trippy Dippy Hippy
I've begun to notice that most of my gripes within the earlier chapters have been addressed at this point; Doomguy has begun to do more destructive things, the rocket launcher was a nice touch; Both parts of "Attack on Imp City" were paced well and given entirely to Adam and his adventure, which was very interesting; and you even made mention as to the fact that Doomguy wasn't absorbing Argent Energy from the demons, which I'm curious about, but I guess I'll just have to read on to find out what's up with that.

I feel like a bit of a twat for having complained about the story during the first few chapters, but I just wanted to provide commentary as ideas popped into my head. Also, seeing almost all of my issue's fixed during chapters 5 and 6 is undoubtedly a good thing, and I'll give you props for fixing them yourself. It's all very well done.
6/2/2022 c4 Trippy Dippy Hippy
I think It'd be better if you dedicated each chapter to one of the character's side-plots; there's too little time given to each of them and it switches too often. It's readable, fortunately, but I still think that it's a bit difficult to read all at once without proper time to assess the developments in each character's stories. Adam's story is especially hard to understand, perhaps because he's given-what seems to be-the least amount of writing, at least at this point in the story. I'd say it's a small issue, because it is, but it happens often enough to ignore and just power through.

I also had an idea as to how the demons would become mortal: Doomguy's suit consumes the Hell Energy within demons and uses it to heal him. The suit converts Hell Energy into usable Argent Energy, which is why, in Doom 2016, you picked up Argent Cells to regain health instead of a med kit or something. It wouldn't send the demons to the "lower levels of hell", which could be an issue, but it does provide an explanation. Though, I haven't finished the story as of yet, I'm writing this as I finish each chapter, so maybe you've already thought of a reason? I guess I'll soon see.
6/2/2022 c2 Trippy Dippy Hippy
An incredible battle scene! Truthfully, I thought that using sound effects instead of describing the motions of events was kind of, I hate to use the word "lazy" so let's say "undescriptive", in the first chapter. But that sort of writing style works great in battle; keeping the pace of a fight is important to the general flow of the story, and sound effects can aid in a reader's interpretation of the scene without spelling it out for them and slowing down the story.

I especially like how Doomguy plays with his victims, even though he's described canonically to exterminate demons rather than just kill them out of anger (meaning he tries harder to kill demons for the sake of ERADICATING them rather than doing it because he doesn't like them), but having him be playful is a lot more repeatable, in terms of readability, than having him just cause constant brutality and careless murder.

I hate to gatekeep fan-fic authors, because the entire point of fanfic is to alter the preestablished story, but it should be noted that Doomguy's armor is entirely incapable of being damaged, as far as we know. Doomguy has used the same suit of armor since The Betrayer gave it to him, which was before being sent to hell in Doom 64, (Which he stayed in for millennia doing nothing but killing demons 24/7) and yet his suit is flawless. However, as I've said before, adhering to the Doom lore word-for-word would make it impossible to write a story around Doomguy because any form of challenge you gave him would be solved instantly, which doesn't make for a very good story structure. But this is all great regardless!
6/2/2022 c1 Trippy Dippy Hippy
Impressively well written. I'm trying my best to read the story without bias, because I'm a huge Doom fanboy and I could read about Doomguy walking forward for an hour and a half and I'd still be on cloud fucking 9. But strictly in terms of writing quality, I can see a good deal of work went into this. There are some issues, as there all with all things, namely the somewhat awkward dialogue. But I understand that writing any form of speech is difficult, let alone making it for characters with very little examples to go off of besides a single thirty minute pilot.

I'd mention how I think Doomguy should be seen as a larger threat, or depicted as a larger threat, but if you were to follow the Doom lore word-for-word it'd be impossible to write a story around him.

All in all, I'd say that this is good work, and the only issues I can feasibly have with it are trivial at best. Keep on keepin' on, dawg.
5/20/2022 c3 1sauoce
"Ah, it appears I have stumbled upon a circumstance of minor inconvenience, as I appear to have released all liquid matter from mine own excretory system."
4/15/2022 c2 Guest
Why would Doomguy attack demons if they not only can talk and don't attack him, but are literally FLEEING from him?
4/15/2022 c2 Guest
Wait. If demons in this version of hell have a military, wouldn't they try to kill exterminators when they show up? A military is supposed to protect its own people.

Why would any hellborn demons be scared of the other parts of hell when they can literally just go to the different levels whenever they want normally?
7/1/2021 c17 Guest
Love the priorities here... A Lego millennium falcon being important during such chaos is hilarious!
4/6/2021 c18 gigi
"some sort of Chuck Norris-level badass." I fuckin love it
3/29/2021 c8 Angel Angulo
doomguy don't do it charlie isn't evil she good as anyone vega look her up
2/11/2021 c1 Dasgun
11/20/2020 c29 God of crossovers
You dumb bionic bitch, I could not imagine a more necessary scenario than now."

This line is only made funnier by the fact that *SPOILERS*
We find out near the end of doom eternal that Vega is LITERALLY GOD
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