for The Maelstrom Jedi1/15 c1 derako-strife
hey this has the makings of a great story but I think you need a beta reader, or if you already have one get a new one.
hey this has the makings of a great story but I think you need a beta reader, or if you already have one get a new one.
1/9 c16 
6Power of Magic
That was a good chapter, and I look forward to when the next one comes out. For what to call Naruto's Star Destroyer, he's a few options: The Rising Tide, The Maelstrom, The Crimson Fox, The Foxfire, The Kitsune, The Kage
6Power of MagicThat was a good chapter, and I look forward to when the next one comes out. For what to call Naruto's Star Destroyer, he's a few options: The Rising Tide, The Maelstrom, The Crimson Fox, The Foxfire, The Kitsune, The Kage
1/9 c16 Guest
Great chapter as usual for the name of Naruto's Star Destroyer I would suggest The Will of Fire but that's just me. Keep up the great work.
Great chapter as usual for the name of Naruto's Star Destroyer I would suggest The Will of Fire but that's just me. Keep up the great work.
1/9 c16 Jose19
I wonder what is Naruto rank as a Jedi, and will it be impossible to prevent the tragedy of Anakin.
I wonder what is Naruto rank as a Jedi, and will it be impossible to prevent the tragedy of Anakin.
1/9 c16 11Sixsamchaos
I've been enjoying your story so far, though the grammar issues do make things a little confusing. With his devious mind, I could totally see Naruto develop a business partnership with Hondo, and it might even save Hondo's pirate empire from suffering greater losses against Grevious and later Maul.
For possible names of Naruto's capital ships, I would suggest: The Maelstrom, The Trickster, The Mikan, maybe even some more ridiculous ones like The Ichiraku or The Heavenly Noodles, just something that would add to the humiliation of enemy forces/commanders who lost to Naruto's fleet.
11SixsamchaosI've been enjoying your story so far, though the grammar issues do make things a little confusing. With his devious mind, I could totally see Naruto develop a business partnership with Hondo, and it might even save Hondo's pirate empire from suffering greater losses against Grevious and later Maul.
For possible names of Naruto's capital ships, I would suggest: The Maelstrom, The Trickster, The Mikan, maybe even some more ridiculous ones like The Ichiraku or The Heavenly Noodles, just something that would add to the humiliation of enemy forces/commanders who lost to Naruto's fleet.
1/9 c16 1Prince Johnathan of Jupiter
You guys aren't telling me Naruto wouldn't name his Star Destroyer the Will of Fire?
1Prince Johnathan of JupiterYou guys aren't telling me Naruto wouldn't name his Star Destroyer the Will of Fire?
1/9 c16 85KristinalUzumakiPrime23
ha-ha, that episode was one of the more funny one's, by the way, nice touch on adding Naruto into it, i think it did bring a whole new element of funny into this episode.
85KristinalUzumakiPrime23ha-ha, that episode was one of the more funny one's, by the way, nice touch on adding Naruto into it, i think it did bring a whole new element of funny into this episode.
1/9 c16 24Midnight Lost
Now this was a great New Years gift to wake up to.
Looking forward to see what happens next.
24Midnight LostNow this was a great New Years gift to wake up to.
Looking forward to see what happens next.
1/9 c16 12Yorae Rasante
Hey, hope it isn't insulting or anything, but... is there going to be a chapter of actual plot development soon?
Or character development for most of the ones we will be seeing after it kicks off?
Don't get me wrong, the changed scenes are good, seeing Naruto interacting with his personal crew, making contacts with minor but useful characters, on the jedi side in canon, against themand neutrals, learning more of the characters so Dooku is more than the one-note villain from the movies...
speculating if with how he treats them if his clones will turn against Order 66...
But most of the stories here seem to be just rehashing of the cartoon episodes with very minor changes to the overall plot...
I want a story where Naruto either changes the story of the new world, learns enough to change his own world a lot, or even both.
This one sems to want to go for these, but... most of it for a while seems to only be minor things that could be cut out with no problem. The very definition of Filler.
The Star War cartoons are ok in that because they are an expansion of their universe (although a lot of the old cartoon network ones didnt seem like it, since if you go from Episode 2 to 3 you miss who Grievous is, how Palpatine was captured, and so on).
They are not just filler, they are extra flavoring. You not only can skip them easily, you need to go out of your way to find them. The story is mainly the movies (and the old CN shorts)
But here, they are just adding extra wait between the main beats we want, the beats of your original work.
And as they are mostly re-heated versions of the cartoon with extra garnish...
And not even used that well.
I mean, most of them are not even Naruto interacting with the supposed future harem members to justify them joining him later!
Everyone in Naruto fanfiction seems to hate the bell test and the Wave Arc... but it is not really because of them being repeated so much, but because of how little most people change them. They just feel like following the stations of canon, with no real development that can't be gained with an original arc.
But they do have potential. If the author is willing to risk changing them a bit, at least.
This is the same vibe get from your story.
Your original work is good... I think? Not much of it anymore, and most of it is sandwiched now between short synopsis of the cartoon episodes.
Not enough is being changed of the episodes themselves to make reading the new chapters not become boring either.
Not much of the overall plot is progressing. Not much of the characters is being developed.
Also, not much Naruto in this crossover besides his name and appearence right now.
Naruto is not even doing much more than any other jedi could do. Besides his relationship being accepted, we already know of other jedi willing to deal with and make informants and friends of criminals after all.
I'm not saying he is not Naruto without chakra. But in the last... 10 or so? chapters, not only most of the chapters' plot could be removed with no big change, most of it could also be substituted with "cartoon episode x, but a jedi named Naruto was there too and talked to y person a bit to hint at knowing each other but not much more" with... most of it not being lost.
Sorry if I sound too judgemental. It is just that this fic started pretty interesting but for quite a few chapters I open the new ones just thinking "is it getting near the movie already?" This one starting with a blurb teasing a fight with Dooku like at the start of Episode 3 did not help, but only made it clearer.
I see lots of potential here. I want to read more of the story you proposed.
But so much padding is making me want to go away from it.
12Yorae RasanteHey, hope it isn't insulting or anything, but... is there going to be a chapter of actual plot development soon?
Or character development for most of the ones we will be seeing after it kicks off?
Don't get me wrong, the changed scenes are good, seeing Naruto interacting with his personal crew, making contacts with minor but useful characters, on the jedi side in canon, against themand neutrals, learning more of the characters so Dooku is more than the one-note villain from the movies...
speculating if with how he treats them if his clones will turn against Order 66...
But most of the stories here seem to be just rehashing of the cartoon episodes with very minor changes to the overall plot...
I want a story where Naruto either changes the story of the new world, learns enough to change his own world a lot, or even both.
This one sems to want to go for these, but... most of it for a while seems to only be minor things that could be cut out with no problem. The very definition of Filler.
The Star War cartoons are ok in that because they are an expansion of their universe (although a lot of the old cartoon network ones didnt seem like it, since if you go from Episode 2 to 3 you miss who Grievous is, how Palpatine was captured, and so on).
They are not just filler, they are extra flavoring. You not only can skip them easily, you need to go out of your way to find them. The story is mainly the movies (and the old CN shorts)
But here, they are just adding extra wait between the main beats we want, the beats of your original work.
And as they are mostly re-heated versions of the cartoon with extra garnish...
And not even used that well.
I mean, most of them are not even Naruto interacting with the supposed future harem members to justify them joining him later!
Everyone in Naruto fanfiction seems to hate the bell test and the Wave Arc... but it is not really because of them being repeated so much, but because of how little most people change them. They just feel like following the stations of canon, with no real development that can't be gained with an original arc.
But they do have potential. If the author is willing to risk changing them a bit, at least.
This is the same vibe get from your story.
Your original work is good... I think? Not much of it anymore, and most of it is sandwiched now between short synopsis of the cartoon episodes.
Not enough is being changed of the episodes themselves to make reading the new chapters not become boring either.
Not much of the overall plot is progressing. Not much of the characters is being developed.
Also, not much Naruto in this crossover besides his name and appearence right now.
Naruto is not even doing much more than any other jedi could do. Besides his relationship being accepted, we already know of other jedi willing to deal with and make informants and friends of criminals after all.
I'm not saying he is not Naruto without chakra. But in the last... 10 or so? chapters, not only most of the chapters' plot could be removed with no big change, most of it could also be substituted with "cartoon episode x, but a jedi named Naruto was there too and talked to y person a bit to hint at knowing each other but not much more" with... most of it not being lost.
Sorry if I sound too judgemental. It is just that this fic started pretty interesting but for quite a few chapters I open the new ones just thinking "is it getting near the movie already?" This one starting with a blurb teasing a fight with Dooku like at the start of Episode 3 did not help, but only made it clearer.
I see lots of potential here. I want to read more of the story you proposed.
But so much padding is making me want to go away from it.