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10/26/2020 c8 webzayne717
For the love of God, it's swooped, not snooped. The insults and name-calling loses its effect after it's repeated so many times. It would have come off better if you just quit after calling him a cockroach; the constant repetition and ending of that fight lost its entertainment value after the monologue. Not sure what your first language is, but whatever you tried to do didn't transition over to English well at all.
10/26/2020 c6 webzayne717
It'd be a divergent timeline, not true time-travel. Why even fuck with paradoxes? It's not even remotely worth it.
10/26/2020 c9 YeetNibbaReeee
10/26/2020 c2 webzayne717
The word salad is strong in this chapter. Seriously, you need to edit this shite.
10/26/2020 c1 webzayne717
The English in this fic is pretty terrible. It's incredibly painful to read, poor word choice is constant, and sentences just end abruptly. Needs some serious editing, more than half of the first chapter is barely legible.
10/26/2020 c11 TypeVos
This is extremely well written. I read this as fast as I addicted-ly could and man, was it worth it.
10/26/2020 c2 Inritus
While I understand his reasoning for picking other classes to balance out his stats since being squishy isn't advisable I'm still sad to see that it's looking like he's moving away from magic. At least he was smart enough to pick Martial Artist, especially when you take in consideration just how common it is for the protagonist to suddenly lose their weapons lol.
10/26/2020 c1 Inritus
Well that's a hell of a twist lol. Good first chapter as I want to read more now.
10/25/2020 c11 Kuman
Well personally my favorite two characters in HP are Tonks and also Luna. Very underappreciated characters in the books. I really like how Shin is actually opening up to others and showing a bit of love and compassion. It's very boring and dull of the MC is what writers call evil. Better to have a good hearted MC who has to live with tough decisions than an emotionless drone who feels absolutely nothing and craves power for the sake of it (which is a large majority of Gamer MCs in fics and I feared Shin would be the same)

Lastly, a reminder of the school year problem I mentioned in my previous review. it's very easily fixed and hey it gives you an extra year to play around with the school plot. Plus, you can have Morgiana and Koneko in the same class in middle school
10/25/2020 c10 Kuman
I was gonna save my review for next chapter after binging this awesome fic but there's a discrepancy in this chapter that I would like to point out. Rias mentioned that she is in third year of highschool and that Shin will join her in her class but that can't be right since this fic starts in summer when Harry was in Durzkaban and before the plot of DxD, hence why Issei wasn't protected by plot armor, and according to Shin not even a month has passed yet. The problem is the Japanese school year begins in the second Monday of April which means that Rias should be a second year at his time. Summer vacation should be still going so depending on the day and month they should have more time before school resumes.

My point is that Shin should be transferring midway through the second year of highschool. Also did you age him up a bit? He's almost 17 in chapter one yet he just finished 5th year
10/25/2020 c3 Roman Torchic
You're jumping tenses. For example, during Venelana's interlude, you jump from writing in the first person to the third (I - She). A lot of your sentences come off as awkward because of this.

And what happened to Lily being drugged? Why would she suddenly remember/care about her other son?
10/25/2020 c1 Roman Torchic
So by the end of chapter one, MC has multiple lordships, shadow magic, the Power of Destruction, a high end sacred gear, fire godlayer magic, and some misc magical items. This is going to be one of those Gamer fics with four pages of skills that never get used, isn't it?

There aren't any glaring issues with grammar, but that's about as much as can be said about it. It's like you tried to see how many tropes you could ram together into a single chapter.
- OP protagonist with inexplicable powers from random fandoms
- Friendly neighborhood goblins who just want to be respected
- Multiple lordships
- Evil!Dumbles.
- Wrong!BWL
- Twin!Potters
- Disowned!Potter
- James is a dick
- Lily is a drugged rape victim

It's not like tropes are necessarily bad, but holy shit did you just grab the entire fanfic bag.
10/25/2020 c11 1NarutoUzukaze Rikudou Sennin
Come on you really should've been done with the new chapter by now.
10/25/2020 c2 3elorielee
First step for a proper gamer would be to visit Black Manor and eat all those beautiful deadly skill books...
10/24/2020 c11 JamesRook
I kinda hope that he finds out about Lily being under control and that he frees her and maybe makes her a part of either his or Rias' peerage.

Great work on this whole story, can't wait for more!
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