for Harry Potter and the Summer of Learning and Growth5/29 c2 Gina
Excellent beginning!
Excellent beginning!
2/23 c2 
12mackiechandler
If you need someone to help you I am a retired secretary and can force engineers to add verbs.
12mackiechandlerIf you need someone to help you I am a retired secretary and can force engineers to add verbs.
1/31 c2 Millie072
Read this on the recommendation of Slytherinsal. When other authors praise your work, it's usually worth reading. Try using Grammarly for help, there are also several built-in spelling formats that can assist. Good start for the plot. A bit more depth in building characters could be added. A Ron who is actually trying to grow up, refreshing. A Harry who realizes early on that he is going the wrong direction is a great device for growth. Hope to see an update soon. Thanks
Read this on the recommendation of Slytherinsal. When other authors praise your work, it's usually worth reading. Try using Grammarly for help, there are also several built-in spelling formats that can assist. Good start for the plot. A bit more depth in building characters could be added. A Ron who is actually trying to grow up, refreshing. A Harry who realizes early on that he is going the wrong direction is a great device for growth. Hope to see an update soon. Thanks
1/26 c2 6ImUpToNoGood
Before he decides on the more expensive treatment, he should find out what the differences are. What does the more expensive one do that the cheaper one doesn’t? What are the costs?
Lots of spelling and grammar errors:
To name a few:
Certainly, not sertainly
Showed, not shoed
Ma’am, not Mam
Properly, not propperly
Spell out numbers in writing. Two, not 2, etc.
Capitalize the first letter sentences and of each word in names.
I suspect you aren’t writing this anymore, so probably aren’t looking for a beta anymore, but I want to say that the story has a promising start, and would be worth both continuing and getting a beta reader for.
Good luck and joy to you.
6ImUpToNoGoodBefore he decides on the more expensive treatment, he should find out what the differences are. What does the more expensive one do that the cheaper one doesn’t? What are the costs?
Lots of spelling and grammar errors:
To name a few:
Certainly, not sertainly
Showed, not shoed
Ma’am, not Mam
Properly, not propperly
Spell out numbers in writing. Two, not 2, etc.
Capitalize the first letter sentences and of each word in names.
I suspect you aren’t writing this anymore, so probably aren’t looking for a beta anymore, but I want to say that the story has a promising start, and would be worth both continuing and getting a beta reader for.
Good luck and joy to you.
1/22 c2 21DaniMason
I would put more than a space between your chapters. It is a very promising story so far
21DaniMasonI would put more than a space between your chapters. It is a very promising story so far
1/22 c1 12mackiechandler
I like this. I am retired and was a secretary so I can proof read. So if I can help, I would be delighted.
12mackiechandlerI like this. I am retired and was a secretary so I can proof read. So if I can help, I would be delighted.
1/22 c2 csheila
Okay,some suggestions.
Add some physical descriptions. Yes, know most canon characters but remember the book and movie differed. A dear friend who brought me to the Series complained the movies made them too friend.
Slow the story’s pace. It’s good the plot moves but don’t rush through great material.
These are SUGGESTIONS another criticisms. Good luck and I look forward to the rest
Okay,some suggestions.
Add some physical descriptions. Yes, know most canon characters but remember the book and movie differed. A dear friend who brought me to the Series complained the movies made them too friend.
Slow the story’s pace. It’s good the plot moves but don’t rush through great material.
These are SUGGESTIONS another criticisms. Good luck and I look forward to the rest
1/22 c1 csheila
I love the premise and dialogue
Have a beta, or a more senior author, help with formatting. It will make it easier to read
I love the premise and dialogue
Have a beta, or a more senior author, help with formatting. It will make it easier to read
1/22 c2 rankokunalpha1
You need to correct the spelling especially capitals
Master Goldfist master goldfist is in a couple places, also you need to put in a proper introduction of him to Harry.
Brad
You need to correct the spelling especially capitals
Master Goldfist master goldfist is in a couple places, also you need to put in a proper introduction of him to Harry.
Brad
1/22 c1 rankokunalpha1
spelling
Guess not guies
ron should be capital Ron
Privet Drive not Privit Drive
spelling
Guess not guies
ron should be capital Ron
Privet Drive not Privit Drive
1/21 c2 159slytherinsal
continuing nicely. I hope it won't be abandoned because few people have found it.
I won't offer to beta because I'm dyslexic and I'm afraid of letting you down. I notice some spelling errors, but frankly, as they don't interfere with the meaning, I don't myself consider them significant. I'd rather see a well-crafted story with dodgy spelling which is understandable than a beautifully spelled boring narrative.
159slytherinsalcontinuing nicely. I hope it won't be abandoned because few people have found it.
I won't offer to beta because I'm dyslexic and I'm afraid of letting you down. I notice some spelling errors, but frankly, as they don't interfere with the meaning, I don't myself consider them significant. I'd rather see a well-crafted story with dodgy spelling which is understandable than a beautifully spelled boring narrative.
1/21 c1 slytherinsal
Nice start. I don't generally like Ron, but writing a Ron who is prepared to grow up and take his friendship seriously is one I can get behind.
Nice start. I don't generally like Ron, but writing a Ron who is prepared to grow up and take his friendship seriously is one I can get behind.
12/15/2022 c2 BigGuySD
An interesting start on a story. I don’t often read stories until they are complete. You responded to a comment I wrote on another story so I thought I would see what you had written. I’d like to say that you are getting your points and information across but you might want to read through a few times to make sure that you are not writing too much to convey a point. I would also think that you should run anything through a spellchecker. I’m also a stickler for using commas when called for. I see that you haven’t updated in more than a year so I wonder if this has been abandoned? I don’t write fan-fiction, but I do enjoy it. I think more writers should start as if they are writing a letter to a friend. After that, you can go through your second draft and start to fill in the gaps or flesh out areas that need more direction. You do not need to have the whole story in your head when you start but a basic outline of what you want to happen is a great tool. Knowing where you are going to end up makes the journey a little easier. I hope you get inspired again to work on this tale. Thank you for sharing.
An interesting start on a story. I don’t often read stories until they are complete. You responded to a comment I wrote on another story so I thought I would see what you had written. I’d like to say that you are getting your points and information across but you might want to read through a few times to make sure that you are not writing too much to convey a point. I would also think that you should run anything through a spellchecker. I’m also a stickler for using commas when called for. I see that you haven’t updated in more than a year so I wonder if this has been abandoned? I don’t write fan-fiction, but I do enjoy it. I think more writers should start as if they are writing a letter to a friend. After that, you can go through your second draft and start to fill in the gaps or flesh out areas that need more direction. You do not need to have the whole story in your head when you start but a basic outline of what you want to happen is a great tool. Knowing where you are going to end up makes the journey a little easier. I hope you get inspired again to work on this tale. Thank you for sharing.